Wednesday, August 25, 2004

Why is the concept of polyamory so distorted?

I want to share a thought with everyone about Polyamory. Just because I chose not to have a committed relationship with only one person does not mean I will fuck just anyone. It is a myth that poly's aren't discriminating with their choice of partners: that's people who swing. I have known a poly triad for years that have stayed with each other for over 30 years. They love each other in the group, not half the city. I get IMs all the time from guys who think I am an easy target because I believe you can LOVE more than one person at a time. My goal is eventually find the ONE person to share my life with, but my life has different facets and needs. One partner might offer an intellectual challenge; one might be there just for mindblowing sex. Sometimes I just need someone to brush the hair from my face when I am sick, or just sleep beside me and talk about scifi. The human soul has many facets, and to expect one person to be everything to another person is unrealistic. If Dan had said that he needed other things from other people, and respected the fact I needed that too, we might still be together. Instead, he expected me to sit and wait in loneliness until he had time for me between other women, and for me to be there when the other women shit on him. I needed more, and started not caring at all about him or what he did. Warning to all people who interact with me: I am a passionate person, and feel deeply for those I love and trust. When I quit caring, then I will never turn back.
What it boils down to is intimacy. At one time I did go on a sleeping around rampage, after my husband died. I was dead and the interactions were dead. I fucked around to feel and grew even number. The truth is I do not know if I will ever be able to truly connect as deeply as I did with another man as I did with my husband for fear of enormous loss. To place my feelings with more than one person for different needs softens the blow of possible loss. As long as my partners are honest about who they see as I am about who I see, all is well. It all boils down to respect.


Clint said...

I think people hear the concept and instantly fall toward the lurid ... the typical guy sees what he wants to see--an easy lay--because the typical guy doesn't have the ability for much beyond that.

I think part of the issue, too, is that most people are so hung up on the Juedeo-Christian concept of monogamy, that anything outside that view is seen as illicit. They assume commitment can only occur between two, because that's what they're taught to assume. Anything more, to them, isn't true commitment, but a sign of sluttism (for lack of a better term).

As for me ... more than anything, I seek out friendship. What that means and includes for me always depends on the friend ... but the friendship comes first.

Tabitha said...

I could not agree more...