Wednesday, August 18, 2004

What I want in a person..Part II

I just chatted with a friend who has had a horrible breakup, from a woman unworthy of him. He is hurting, no question. For the first time, I tried to sit with his pain and not fix it. It isn't as easy as it sounds. Humans have this need to not hurt, and keep others from feeling pain. I am a fixer; I would wrap everyone in bubblewrap if I could. As I talked to this friend, jack popped in. His take on this is that you cannot protect anyone from pain. Pain is what you use to grow with. jack claims that a person has to be cut so they know not to play with knives in the first place.
So it leads back to what I said a few posts ago about fear, and fear of connecting with others. Just like pain, fear must be experienced and gone though to be transcended. I had to endure horrific pain for almost two years to survive my husband's death. Now I have to endure fear. Not run from it: sit with it, hold it's hand, even feed it if need be. In The Invitation, Oriah Mountain Dreamer speaks of wanting a person who can sit with pain, and endure fear. This is why I love this poem.If I found a man who could fit this poem, my pretenses of polyamory would fly right out the window. Then when I try to sit with others pain, it could be from a place of peace instead of commiseration.


Clint said...

I've been hurt in life, and although I didn't enjoy it at the time, I would not trade those experiences. I learned much through them. They made me who I am.