Friday, November 02, 2007

La Muerte

I have become extremely intrigued with death lately.

Not my death...Hell No!.

I've been thinking about the process of dying and death around me, culturally and metaphorically. I've been thinking about my fave blogger Brainhell ( and how he and his family are dealing with his impending death. I wonder about John, and what he was thinking when he looked at his family around him in his final moments. I wonder why birth is so easy to deal with, and death is so hard. I wonder how Ned thought it was an option, and why I thought the same thing many years ago. I feel like I'm on more intimate terms with Death than most people. What I really wonder is how can I make the process better for others
I remember the nurse in the ICU at UK (if you have heard this story before, long suffering readers, forgive me), who calmly waited for me to walk away from John lying dead on the hospital bed. She told me exactly what I needed to hear, in a voice that was the definition of calmness.
"Go outside for air, go get some food, then come back to do the necessary paperwork. He will be here waiting for you."
I tried using that voice a lot the week Ned died for Daniel and his family. I don't know if I will ever gain that zen like calm in my voice, the calm that eases people whenever they hear it.
Maybe I just want to help others the way I was helped I don't know.

Samhain 2007

I was very uninspired this Samhain. I did my ceremony, did the separate ceremony for Ned, but it felt empty. I have no idea whats the matter with me. I remember my first few Samhains, being filled with wonder and delight. The energy seemed to throb around me. Ive done Samhain ceremonies alone and with groups, in all parts of the country. I just felt empty this time. So how can I reconnect ?