Monday, February 28, 2005

I told you: Renee (i.e.Cunt) looks a bit haggard..HAHAHAH (web site)
href='' target='ext'>Posted by Hello

Leonardo DiCaprio and Giselle Bundchen : This girl has a body and a man to die for and this is the best she can do for a dress? A feed sack? (web site)
 Posted by Hello

Natalie Portman: This is better than that nasty white thing she wore to the Golden Globes, but still a bit weird. (web site) Posted by Hello

Hilary Swank, another one of the gowns I loved. (web site) Posted by Hello

Kate Winslet: My Fave of all the dresses
Curtesy of (web site) Posted by Hello

Oscar recap

Well I got 7 right. All were warned not to use my guesses as a betting source. I was kinda upset that Sideways only got one Oscar, but it was a big one: Best Adapted Screenplay. Chris Rock was a bit weird to watch, but did a good job. I liked the diversity this year. I also liked the alternative awards presentations from the audience and having some categories with all nominees on stage. There were people missing though: I didn't see Jim Carey, Nicole Kidman, Tom Cruise, Jack Nicholson. It kind of gave it an empty feeling. Otherwise, entertaining as usual, though I did miss Billy Crystal. The fashions were a treat. And what the hell is it with blonde actresses going brunette this year? Renee Zellweger looked downright haggard (HAHAHAHA).

Sunday, February 27, 2005

2005 Oscars 77th Academy Awards..My Guesses

Ok kids here are my hopes for the big goes nothing: OH CAVEAT..these are strictly sentimental choices, so don't bet the farm on them.

Best Picture:
SIDEWAYS (Fox Searchlight)

Best Director:
Clint Eastwood for MILLION DOLLAR BABY

Best Actor:
Don Cheadle for HOTEL RWANDA

Best Actress:

Best Supporting Actor:
Thomas Haden Church for SIDEWAYS

Best Supporting Actress:
Virginia Madsen for SIDEWAYS

Best Original Screenplay:
THE AVIATOR (Miramax) by John Logan

Best Adapted Screenplay:
SIDEWAYS (Fox Searchlight) by Alexander Payne, Jim Taylor

Best Foreign-Language Film:

Best Animated Feature Film:

Achievement in Art Direction:
A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT (Warner Independent Pictures)

Achievement in Costume Design

Best Documentary Feature:
SUPER SIZE ME (Roadside Attractions / Samuel Goldwyn Films)

Best Film Editing:

Achievement in Makeup:

Best Original Score:

Original Song:
"Al Otro Lado Del Río" from THE MOTORCYCLE DIARIES (Focus Features)

Achievement in Sound Mixing:

Achievement in Sound Editing:

Best Visual Effects:
I, ROBOT (20th Century Fox)

Best Documentary Short:

Best Animated Short Film:

Best Live-Action Short Film:

Friday, February 25, 2005

10 things I've done that no one else probably has..

My friend Clint had this on his blog BlueFairlane. Basically its supposed to be 10 things I have done that few others have. Ok, here they are in no particular order:

-Had sex with 9 other people watching and/or participating.

-Got on a train in Vienna Austria that was out of order, went to the rail yard, then had to be brought back to the station on a engine.

-was a groupie for 2 years during the hair band era (never had sex but took all their good drugs)

-Held my soulmate as he took his last breaths of air before death.

-Worked at a zoo and a lighthouse (not at the same time).

-Drank real moonshine

-Survived 4 suicide attempts

-Traveled through 40 states

-Been a slave (BDSM)

-Lived in Grand Teton National Park

Wednesday, February 23, 2005

The Flu is my friend.

Yep this is my second go around with the flu in two friggin months. I feel like hell before breakfast. I dont think work tomorrow is possible, but we will see. Currently Im stoned on Nyquil searching for more pics to add to my secret obsession collection, since crawling into a fetal position and dying isnt an option. Got lots of IMs from well meaning friends who are keeping their distance,LOL.

Rejoice Part I

The running joke in my family is that babies come in packs. Usually there's at least 3 born a year. This time there are 4 babies due in the space of 5 months. Two aunts and two cousins are pregnant. The first came today.

Wyatt Nathaniel, 7 pounds 1 ounce, 20 and 1/2 inches long. Seeing as both his parents have red hair, as well as his older brother Ryan, he has it too (like his Auntie Z). Baby Wyatt isn't technically my nephew. His mother Margaret is my best friend from 6th grade who married my youngest uncle Christopher, who is only 5 years older than us. Most of the children that belong to my younger aunts and uncles just call me aunt anyway. Saves the confusion. He was delivered at 8:00 am this morning by C section in Lexington KY. Wyatt seems to be shaping up to be a better tempered baby than his 7 year old brother, who was hell on wheels literally. This is also one of the cases where ultrasounds are not a good test of gender: the two Marg had said girl. But they will happily take the boy and be perfectly content. Marg and Chris have been together for 16 years, married for 9, and have now two healthy boys: my heroes.

The second baby may be here today as well, under worse circumstances. My Cousin Tanya went into premature labor yesterday after spiking a fever with pneumonia. She's only at 27 weeks. They stopped the labor and hope to keep her stable until the baby is further along. I think I might have mentioned this in earlier postings, but birthing problems run in the maternal side of the family. My maternal grandma gave birth to 11 without so much as a hiccup. We actually tease her about being a Pez dispenser. Her daughters and granddaughters have run the gamut of problems: breach births (3 aunts, 1 cousin), placenta previa ( 1 Aunt), Gestational Diabetes (2 aunts and my sister), and finally pre and full Eclamsea ( my sister, who lost my niece Piper at 27 weeks and almost her own life). So it is no big wonder I'm kind of gun shy about approaching pregnancy myself. However, I have plenty of little ankle biters around to enjoy parenthood vicariously through family members.

Tuesday, February 22, 2005

What Bush should be doing

This is from The Onion:

"Determined To Find Warehouse
Where Ark Of Covenant Is Stored
In a surprise press conference Monday, President Bush said he will not rest until the warehouse where the Ark of the Covenant, the vessel holding the original Ten Commandments, is located. 'Nazis stole the Ark in 1936, but it was recovered by a single patriot, who braved gunfire, rolling boulders, and venomous snakes,' Bush said, addressing the White House press corps. 'Sadly, due to bureaucratic rigmarole, this powerful, historic relic was misplaced in a warehouse. Mark my words: We will find that warehouse.' Bush added that, after they are strengthened by the power of the Ark, U.S. forces will seek out and destroy the sinister Temple of Doom. ""

Monday, February 21, 2005

Hunter S. Thompson

I've been reading various blogs written by friends and acquaintances, and strangers, about the shotgun suicide of Hunter S. Thompson. The only consensus is that not one single person was surprised. Losing his scalp was the only fitting way for ole Hunter to go, since it now ties him to the exclusive club of geniuses that took the time to go down in double barrel glory. Hunter S. Thompson has immortalized himself. He will be forever worshipped by the dark little souls who love the romance of his life. We actually owe him a small debt, since he was the first to report the news through his completely biased unapologetically point of view. Now we think nothing of listening to pundits on news shows giving their two cents worth and passing it off as journalism. Thanks Hunter.

Was he a "good" writer? That will be judged forever one way or the other. I think he was arrogant because he knew his talent. Kinda like being cute and knowing it. Unfortunately he let his skills go to shit the last 20 years. His last great shot of brilliance was his November, 2004 article in Rolling Stone. He railed as loudly and brazenly as he could at the current administration. It was like the Old Hunter was on the loose for one last time. Was he a misogynist, paranoid nutjob? No question. That alone puts him in Hemingway's company. The one overriding point of respect I have for him was his completely fearless use of words. Words were weapons to him and he used them as well as his gun collection, all the way to the end. He called a spade a spade, and sometimes other things spades too. Hunter was the signature counter culture Journalist, like The Grateful Dead was the signature band. Iconic. And guaranteed to be so now with a well placed shotgun shell.

Saturday, February 19, 2005

Who I am..A manifesto

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer has a pretty controversial section in it...

"It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy."

No one protects me but me. I have learned after my husband died hard lessons. I will not lose myself to please another. There won't be a moment of sleep lost on my part for living the life I choose. For believing in the faith I hold. I will not be made to feel ashamed about who I am. I make no apologies nor want any. No longer will I settle for ANYTHING less than what I want and what I DEEM is good for me. If I upset others by believing this, FUCK THEM. I don't want to hurt people intentionally, or be cruel. I just want to have a man of my own, a career of my own, and a fulfilling faith OF MY OWN. Yes some consider me a slut, thief an liar. Am I? A slut probably yes that's one word for it. Do I lie and steal: NO. At the end of the day when I look at myself in the mirror I have no shame or disgust at seeing my reflection.
So who am I?
A devout Witch of 15 years.
I am a painter.
I am a bad housekeeper, and am terrible with money.
I am a good friend to have.
I compete badly with others in general and women in particular.
I am straight, and faithful when others are faithful to me.
I am happiest when near the sea.

This is who I am, take it or leave it.

Gallery Hopity and pleasant surprises...

Last night was the bi monthly Gallery Hop in Lexington ( I got a late start, but still got to get to my fave galleries. The Lexington Art League had a series of prints and abstract photography that was cool ( Its it the National City Bank Building so its normally my first stop. I then headed to the Downtown Arts Center, that had a collection of oils on canvas. The Actors Guild had a play on at the same time, and with Alfalfa's full it was a mob scene. Across the street at Lexington Public Library, they had some wonderful local scene acrylics and Quilt blocks hung as paintings. There was a line at Gallerie Soleil that I was most willing to stand in. Soleil is a private loft of several studios. That place is my chance to actually hang in the personal studio space of several successful artists. John Ridener and Tony Adams are two of my faves, and I get to talk at length with them every time I go. Its a delicious feeling. I hit ArtsPlace and Bodly-Bullock House before I reached Mecca. Now Mecca ( is not only a gallery of sorts but also a dance studio. And to my delight and surprise that were having a performance art/recital/benefit for Tsunami relief that I made just in time. What followed was two hours of delight. They did several scenes from Cabaret and Moulin Rouge, as well as Balinese dancing. The whole experience was hip and artsy and fun. Gallery Hop is the date I take myself on every other month, and worth every moment.

Wednesday, February 16, 2005

A friends quote...

" {Zezrie} you just haven't figured out what you really want... so you keep trying whatever comes along...kind of a bobbing cork in a have a general idea where the current is taking you but no real way to speed it up"

My brief brush with whoredom

It was bound to happen sooner or later. The whole thing with Mr. Cool has bit the dust. He asked me if I wanted to turn tricks for him. Let me break the situation down with me: I'm trying to get over an assault, I want to go to Savannah College of Art so bad I can taste it, and I'm broke. Mr. Cool had connections. So I agreed. I went with a guy last Thursday and gave him a blowjob. 10 minute job=60 dollars. So he wanted me to do some real tricks this weekend at the aforementioned party from an earlier post. I said yes. I got there and he didn't tell me where or who I was doing. I waited a few hours, then went off with T. I had a splendid evening for free. Then Sunday night the IM's started coming, from Mr. Cool. The guilt trips about blowing $1500 because I went off by myself. So I ended it. I ended my chance to go to school, I ended what I thought was a relationship with a guy who supposedly loved me. I might have saved my inner self worth. I was never really part of that world. I played there for awhile. I will miss the friends I had there. It also hurt when I ended other parts of my life. Now I have to figure out what's next. Also I have to figure out if keeping my self respect was worth losing a chance to go to school. I want a man who loves me for what I am, not what he wants me to be. So I am truly single again....Lovely.

Monday, February 14, 2005

Valentine's Day Massacre: Lyrics Alert

I believe I have posted these lyrics before, but so what. This is my favorite love song, because it talks about realistic love.

(R. Guilbeau, B. Crain, R. Lonow, J. Messina)

We've got all night, let's take our time
Tell me your secrets, I'll tell you mine
When it makes us feel better, call it love

You say you won't, I say you will
You make me crazy, but I want you still
When it makes us feel better, call it love

Do we tell the truth, or do we live a lie
Is the feeling good, is that what makes you cry
When you say those words, look me in the eye
Tell me why you call it love

I play my hand, you call my bluff
We push each other, 'til we've had enough
When it's all you've got, call it love

If I didn't have money, would you want me still
When you look real close, do we fit the bill
Call it what you want, but only time will tell




We've got all night, let's take our time
Tell me your secrets, I'll tell you mine
When it makes us feel better, call it love

Call it love, call it love, call it love
When it's all you've got, call it love

Valentine's Day Massacre: Final Thoughts

I was in the process Saturday of writing the most scathing, vitriolic, hateful entry about Valentine's Day I could manage. Then I went to the Valentine's party held by Mr. Cool and his swing club. Mr. Cool and his shack up were fighting, so no Valentine's celebration with him. Did my usual thing with flirting with all the people I knew, and trying to make the newbie's comfortable. About 10pm after a decent sized joint and 4 Fuzzy Navels (, I was reasonably relaxed to play. A new guy approached me, and started talking, I'll call him T. He was a reasonably pleasant guy, a bit on the yuppie side but funny. Turned my head a second, then turned it back and he was kissing me. Very well. What started to catch my attention was the he was in no hurry for anything else, just deep kissing. But after an hour of necking (HIGHLY UNUSUAL), one of us talked the other into heading to his room, I cant recall who. And what followed was about 3 hours of the hottest sex I've had in almost a year. What made it hot was not 22 positions, or technique. This guy treated me like a GODDESS. He continually praised me for my beauty. He kept saying how perfect I was, how incredible I tasted and smelled and felt under his mouth and hands. The best part was that after 2 mutual orgasms (Rare as Hell for me), he didn't run to the next partner. He laid there and held me and kept up the praise and affection, and kept up the long deep sensual kisses. He sought no other partner that night, as is common at a swing party. For three hours I was the sole universe of a member of the opposite sex. And it had been far too long.

It is so ironic about life. Just when I was getting ready to trash love in general, Valentine's Day in particular, and men specifically, I get a curve ball flung my way. And the biggest surprise at all, I hit a home run. After the past year of walking around supposedly holding myself above the messiness of romance, I got reminded about what it could be. In a one night stand of all things. The past few weeks have dealt me a beating, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I was questioning my self esteem. And then one perfect encounter reinforced my self worth. Logically I know I am an incredible woman with gifts and talents and passions, and my own version of beauty. Maybe I just need reminded more often? Who really knows. The goddess Aphrodite gave me a gift on Saturday I won't soon forget. As for Valentine's Day, it will forever continue to be an overhyped, media driven exercise in wholesale humiliation, until we can all learn that romance and love starts with the self, then we share it.


The day's here, let us all hope I get through it with as little carnage as possible.

Sunday, February 13, 2005

The Grammy's Rehash..

Ray Charles swept it. I could have done without Freebird, but the Southern Rock bit was good. I want to congratulate Loretta Lynn and Jack White for their two grammy wins: Best Country Collaboration With Vocals, and Best Country Album. The Grammy's in the past has celebrated progressive country, and this was no exception. I was pleased the Grammy's no longer suck as badly as they did in the past.

A big thank you...

Kelly, thank you so much for your post about me, and for linking me on your site. You will never know the impact you had. Here is a copy of her post from her blog Dilettante's Diary (

"Sunday, February 13, 2005
When things go wrong
I've been following Zezrie's blog since about August. I've read of her residual pain after her husband's death a few years ago, her struggles with work, her art, her body, her sexuality. I've felt a lot of compassion and admiration for her, and today, more so than ever.

In January Zezrie was sexually assaulted by someone she knew well, someone she'd had sex with before... The things she says in some of her posts pluck something deep inside me, and that dark, dangerous rage starts to rise in me. MEN! But its not just men, women can violate people too, as Demming did me. Something in me wants to track him down and violate him. Something in me wants to visit upon him the law of consequences. I want Samuel Jackson's character from Pulp Fiction to pay him a visit. I want to tie him to the cell door of a Mississippi prison and let the men there call him bitch.

Sometimes I despair of there being any justice in the world, but I believe in balance. I believe that what we send out into the world comes back to us. Buck lost an eye in a car accident 3 years after he drugged me and raped me. It seems a fair trade. I hope the man who assaulted Zezrie is 'balanced' soon."

Thank you Kelly

Valentine's Day Massacre: Obsession

Valentine's Day tends to be the type of holiday that brings the stalker out in everyone. This is the favorite time to try to buy someone's love with flowers, candy, diamonds, etc. What is it that makes humans feel "love" for people who otherwise would never know of their existence, or have known it and want to forget? Before I get into it, I have a confession. I am obsessed with someone who I know for a fact will NEVER acknowledge my presence, and will never consider me fit as a romantic companion. That being said, I have a collection of pics of him on my Yahoo pictures account, 240 to be exact. There is a large poster of him at the foot of my bed. He is the only human I'm using in my artwork as a subject. Logically I know that this is not a suitable pastime or pursuit for a woman my age. And, this is kinda humiliating to actually come out and admit. But this is my point: obsessions just doesn't run with stalkers. All humans suffer from it, just in greater and lesser degrees. With my obsession this person can me anyone I need him to be. I can project whatever need I have on him, and he responds. I have a whole relationship in my mind NOONE can interfere with. However I consider myself relatively sane. Stalkers try to see if the projection equals the real person, and it never does. Thus all the freaky stuff they do. Can't blame the celebrity, they are just trying to get through this life like everyone else.
The closer to home obsessions are a bit more dangerous. We have all dealt with the psycho ex boyfriend or girlfriend that leaves the threatening messages,the notes. Breakups can go horribly awry. The ego and self esteem are all too often tied with what the love object relates about us. So many people can't be whole in themselves. And from painful experience, there is no such thing as another human being "completing" another. We want so much for something else outside of us to bring out what's already there. I went through a baptism by fire to figure this out, and I figured out it's impossible for another human being to make you into something you aren't already. This is why I am single, and happily so. I have had friends stalked, beaten up, terrorized by others obsessed with them. The papers are full of death from obsessions gone terribly wrong. We all know someone who's been through it if we haven't ourselves. Restraining orders are as good as the paper they are printed on. There will never be any solution with this, its as deep as human nature goes.

Thursday, February 10, 2005

Post card tag with a really cool guy...Part 2

Got a postcard back from Ben Blackwell, from Cass Record's post card tag. It was of a absolutely gorgeous Egyptian necklace, and on the back?

You have to assume that this necklace was at one time or another in the hands of a Grave robber. What you would not assume is that I am that grave robber. Enjoy.
So if anyone still wants to play, send a postcard, the more unique the better, to:
Cass Records HQ (3424 Bishop, Detroit, MI 48224. I sent mine on 2/4/2004, and got a card back on the 8th. Nothing to lose but 30 cents for card and stamp...

Wednesday, February 09, 2005

Valentine's Day Massacre: sexual secret 2-The guy's turn

From my old friends Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary:

Main Entry: cun·ni·lin·gus
Pronunciation: "k&-ni-'li[ng]-g&s
Variant(s): also cun·ni·linc·tus /-'li[ng](k)-t&s/
Function: noun
Etymology: cunnilingus, New Latin, from Latin, one who licks the vulva, from cunnus vulva + lingere to lick; cunnilinctus, New Latin, from Latin cunnus + linctus, act of licking, from lingere -- more at LICK
: oral stimulation of the vulva or clitoris

I personally hate this word. It makes it sound like a disease. And men's approach to this is a bit different than with women with blowjobs. Most of the men I have spoken to about this claim they love to eat pussy. But get them to the mat and one of three things happen: they refuse, they do it badly or do it decently. Men who brag about their licking skills also tend to (pardon the pun) suck at it.
Guys, this is oral sex, not astrophysics. It takes so very precious little to make women happy when you eat us out. Here are a few crucial yet little discussed points that can make men better at it and women happy...
CAVEAT: This section is not for lesbians. Eating pussy is their specialty. I would never even start to presume to begin to give bi or lesbian girls pointers. It would be kinda hypocritical, seeing as I'm straight. That being said, here we go.

1) SLOW THE HELL DOWN!!!! This is the biggest problem I have personally found with men going down on me. Trust me guys, there is no speed record for this in Guinness Book of Records. A lot of men start fine, then go into hyperdrive. I know most women will not speak up about this during the act, but even when I do, it doesn't seem to help. If a man goes too fast he could lick for hours and I won't cum. Save us both some time and aggravation and pace yourself. Sam Kinison had the right approach to this: take the tongue, place it on the pussy and lick the shapes of the alphabet, starting with capital letters. This slows the man down instantly. Most times you won't get to lower case,trust me. And you can show your education was useful by licking the shape of Japanese symbols, Greek Alphabet, song lyrics. The possibilities are endless.

2) SHAVE!!! Or at least get past the stubble stage of a beard. Think of it as having rug burns where its the most inconvenient. When I was in the beginning stages of receiving oral I used to not say anything about this, till the blisters began to show up. Not anymore. Grown out facial hair actually ads a new dimention to this, but if you have stubble and rub it raw guys, you aren't getting anything else.

3) WATCH THE FINGERS!! Would someone please explain to me why men feel the need to try to tear you apart with their fingers during oral? Am I alone in thinking this is annoying? If I wanted to be fisted, Ill let you know. A guy might be doing a great job, then they start shoving the fingers too hard, too roughly, too deep, or way to many at a time. I know men must think they are giving us more bang for the buck, but for me, it ends any progress the guy has made. Save it.

These are such simple suggestions that will pay off so much if they are followed. Speaking for myself, as with men being swallowed, you will get a second chance with me if you do it well. Keep this in mind.

Z's Horoscope for this week

This comes courtesy of Freewill astrology:

"CANCER (June 21-July 22): Happy Valentine Daze, Cancerian! As I
meditated on what advice might purify and supercharge your love life,
I got to thinking about a statement attributed to French poet Paul
Valery. "Love is being stupid together," he said. There's an element of truth to
this notion, but it's too corny and degenerate for my tastes. I prefer
to focus on a more interesting and complete truth, which is this: Real
love is being *smart* together. If you weave your destiny together with
another's, he or she should catalyze your sleeping potentials, sharpen
your perceptions, and boost your IQ. Your relationship should be a
crucible in which you deepen your understanding of the way the world
works. If you can't share your love with such a person this week,
don't share your love with anyone."
Yes I'm a Cancer...kinda all makes sense now doesn't it?

Tuesday, February 08, 2005

Living Vicariously... Amazing Race 6

I would like to congratulate Freddy and Kendra on their win on Amazing Race 6. This is the only reality show I can stomach really. This show doesn't insult the intelligence, and shows how to be a ugly American, or how to avoid it. Every week the past few months I've been able to travel the world with this bunch, living their adventures while trying to find mine closer to home. The real winners are the viewer, since I don't see this university employee hopping on a flight to Ethiopia, Sri Lanka, or China any time soon, as much as I'd be willing to sell my soul to do it. This show satisfies the gypsy in me and I'm non apologetic....


Beck (Hanson) has been probably the most lyrically diverse and creative musicians on the scene for over 10 years now. To me, it all goes back to 1995 to the first song I heard from him, probably the coolest turns of phrase in lyrics...

In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey
butane in my veins so i'm out to cut the junkie
with the plastic eyeballs
spray paint the vegetables
dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose
kill the headlights and put it in neutral
stock car flamin' with a loser and the cruise control
baby's in Reno with the vitamin D
got a couple of couches sleep on the love seat
someone keeps sayin' I'm insane to complain about
a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt
don't believe everything that you breathe
you get a parking violation and a maggot on your sleeve
so shave your face with some mace in the dark
savin' all your food stamps and burnin' down the trailer park
(yo cut it)

Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
(double-barrel buckshot)
Soy un perdedor i'm a loser baby,so why don't you kill me?

Forces of evil in a bozo nightmare
banned all the music with a phony gas chamber
'cuz one's got a weasel and the other's got a flag
one's got on the pole shove the other in a bag
with the rerun shows and the cocaine nose job
the daytime crap with the folksinger slop
he hung himself with a guitar string
slap the turkey neck and it's hangin' on a pigeon wing
you can't write if you can't relate
trade the cash for the beef for the body for the hate
and my time is a piece of wax
fallin' on a termite who's chokin' on the splinters

Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
(get crazy with the cheeze whiz)
Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
(drive-by body pierce)
(yo bring it on down)
(I'm a driver I'm a winner things are gonna change I can feel it)

Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
(I can't believe you)
Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
(Sprechen sie Deutches, baby)
Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
(Know what I'm sayin'?)

Monday, February 07, 2005

Valentine's Day Massacre: sexual secret 1

For those who read this regularly, this will not come as a surprise: I am a highly sexual person. And I have reached that certain age where I have figured out a few things sexually. So as a public service for all the little girls under 25 who haven't quite figured men out yet, here is a bit of advice. Men have an inherent weakness: blowjobs. Now anyone with the sense not to scrape teeth can give a moderately decent blowjob. Wanna know the simple key to knock up the skill level a bit? SWALLOW.
Seemingly a simple concept, but you would be amazed at the amount of women who are squeamish about this. WHY? If you can French kiss, you can swallow. Its all body fluids. According to a medical professional I know, as long as there are no open sores in the mouth, stomach acid kills anything swallowed. If women are afraid to swallow, don't be sucking cock in the first place. That being said, there is a way to do it where you taste nothing: just make sure you deep throat at the second of orgasm. The cum goes down the throat, and no taste. I don't need to do this anymore, but it is helpful to beginners.

Ok that's the biology behind it. The benefits? LOL ask a man. So few women even like to give blowjobs that the ones that do stand out. And if you swallow, there are so few women that do that you will never leave a guys subconscious. I did an admittedly informal poll of my guy friends, both intimate and non, about swallowing. At first their answers were that it didn't matter if a woman swallowed. Then I listened further and kept hearing an interesting comment. Most of the men kept saying it didn't matter if the woman "rejected" their cum. Rejected? I pursued this further and found an interesting train of thought. Men tend to take the whole swallowing thing, as they do most things, straight to the ego. Think about it from their point of view. The are looking down watching a woman suck their dick(they ALL watch), they cum, and the chica performing starts spitting semen like its battery acid. I would think this would be a bit disconcerting,if not downright insulting. Definitely a mood breaker. And sadly enough, most men tend to get used to this and not even bother to expect anything else. But if you swallow, it makes the man feel appreciated, cause if we swallow obviously we don't find them, ahem, distasteful. It shows that the woman likes them enough to make the effort. And the actual swallowing mechanism feels damn good so I'm told. Trust me ladies, if you want to make sure you get a second phone call, just swallow. Act like its the most natural thing in the world. This technique pays dividends. It will make you stand out from the crowd and thats the point.

Sunday, February 06, 2005

The Superbowl rehash..

There is very little I can say, except the football was great (even if my team lost)and the half time show was sad and pathetic. NFL, this is the 21st. century. I'm not saying that Sir Paul McCartney sucks, but for a halftime show it was just boring as hell. Even though Janet showed us her unnaturally white tit, last years show still is superior to any the last 10 years. Michael Powell is gone from the FCC, maybe we can all grow up and be able to watch a good half time show next year?

Valentine's Day Massacre: Ex's

Would someone please explain the reason that some ex's just cant be gotten rid of? I have one who I have dated off and on for 2 years now. He's dumped me, I've dumped him, and once again he's coming back for more and I'm once again listening to him. I know good and well this relationship is going nowhere. We will never be together in a stable relationship. He is pathologically incapable of fidelity. I would trust him as far as I could throw him. And yet, he's calling again, wanting to see me again even though he wants to get back together with his ex wife. This is entirely sexual, I got over the love part months ago. I'm not the first person to notice the sort of behavior in humans. I've seen plenty of friends, some from different cultures, be off again on again with the same person for YEARS with no good results. One pair of friends actually married, divorced, remarried, then divorced again and just live together now. With their kids. Are we as humans so damn afraid of change that we put up with the same crap for the sake of safety? The multi-married couple say, "Well this person is a nightmare, but they are my nightmare." Huh?
This ex of mine is up for a dire surprise. I have other interests now, new friends and lovers. He's not getting the amount of attention he once got from me, and it is why he's pushing so hard. Sorry Cochise, not this time....

Hmmm you can't say you don't like art history with pics like this....This is a recently restored fresco from Pompeii,1020,145783,00.jpg  Posted by Hello

Back in the Saddle

LOl Well well well, it seems that ghost hunting pays off I'm other more fruitful ways than pics with orbs. Got a call from my friend Mighty Ghost Hunter..He couldn't sleep; I couldn't sleep. Two non-sleeping people can come up with a plan of action better in the same bed. So, the three week self imposed exile from sex has ended. It helped that MGH has been a loyal friend and bedbuddy for 2 years now. He has talked me through the past three weeks after the attack (see earlier post: Definitions). He's been patient and steady. He's also really hot in bed. Does this mean me and MGH are in love and will play house? Please. We are both happily single and aren't "in love". So my worst fear about this whole thing was unfounded: that Id be too scared to have sex. Back to myself hopefully soon.

Ghosts are afraid of witches

Went ghost hunting with a guy friend tonight as various haunted areas of Lexington, and I came to a conclusion: ghost don't seem to like me. I know that some witches do ghost hunt, my friend in CT is especially gifted. They just are afraid of me. I've done a lot of work with getting rid of ghosts, so they saw me coming and ran like hell. For some of you who aren't familiar with ghost hunting, it goes like this: You go to a haunted site, then take pictures while you talk to them either with a cam carder or digital camera. Then when you replay them you look for orbs, ectoplasm, etc. Basically stuff that shouldn't be there. I've seen some of my friends pics and he gets all sorts of stuff. He's also a born again Christian. We went first to Ashland, Henry Clay's house ( and took pics. Not as many orbs there as when he was alone. Then we got ambitious and climbed the fence into Lexington Cemetery
( All we got were red streaks from the orbs hauling ass in the other direction away from me. They can sense in me the training I have in helping (or making )them cross over. So I will probably be left home next time. It was cool walking in the cemetery though, very Goth...

Friday, February 04, 2005

Valentine's Massacre: Perfect Love Part 1

During my month long rant about love and sex and male/female interaction, I would like to stop and give credit where credit is due. This part is saved for the couples who actually made love look effortless, graceful, and sublime. Some are/were married, some aren't. The only criteria I'm using is quality of the love, not the length of marriage ( my grandparents have been married for almost 58 years with 11 children. They did their best to kill each other the first 45 of those years.). The first in this hall of fame of sorts: Johnny and June Carter Cash.
The Facts:They fell in love on tour in the early 60's. At one point June was the more famous of the two, from her days with the seminal country act The Carter Family. He proposed and the married in 1968. Their only child John Carter was born in 1970. They won Grammys together and apart. Their love was the inspiration for such classics as "Ring of Fire" and "If I were a Carpenter".
Why they are in this hall of fame? These two came together as two forces of nature and combined to form an equally hellacious partnership. They had their own careers, but it never seemed to interfere with the nucleus of who they were. June helped Johnny kick his addictions that plagued him for years. It breaks down to this: The met and married in a whirlwind. The had a rock solid, intense, passionate relationship of 35 years plus. The most important, tragic as well as romantic point: they died within 4 months of each other. They completed each other, and death was not an long obstacle to that fact. Thank you both for your inspiration.

Why record companies are morons...

This just popped up on my MyYahoo page from Weird News from the AP:

" CHARLESTON, W.Va. - Gertrude Walton was recently targeted by the recording industry in a lawsuit that accused her of illegally trading music over the Internet. But Walton died in December after a long illness, and according to her daughter, the 83-year-old hated computers.

More than a month after Walton was buried in Beckley, a group of record companies named her as the sole defendant in a federal lawsuit, claiming she made more than 700 pop, rock and rap songs available for free on the Internet under the screen name "smittenedkitten."

Of course, the poor freaked out daughter of the deceased apparently sent these assholes a death certificate, and they have since dropped the case. I have absolutely no respect for the Big Record Companies. The rip the consumers off by overcharging us for content and not signing less mainstream artists. The rip the artists off by not giving them nearly the profit and artistic integrity they deserve. The big labels are sucking the music industry dry, and then they wonder why we decide to go alternative routes for out tunes. Fuck them. I will stick to my tried and true method for music purchase. First, hear the new bands at The Dame, or on my personal radio station on Launch Cast (Yahoo). If I hear more than three songs from one band from one album I like, I go to Kaaza lite and download songs from the entire album to see if I like it. If the album passes my test ( no more than three songs that I have to FF through)I will go and buy the CD. Then I will erase the songs I took and replace it with songs from the purchased CD. I consider this fair. If there is only one or two songs I like , or the album is particularly rare and hard to find, I keep the downloaded songs till I find the CD. This way I am satisfied, the small record store I buy from stays healthy, and the artists get the money they have earned by me. Until the Big Labels get their heads out of their asses and wise up, I will continue to do this with no shame.

Thursday, February 03, 2005

Valentine's Day Massacre: Pondering timing

The earlier strip about men v/s women's approach to sex had to be explored further. Why are men and women so out of synch sexually? Is there some sort of energy transference, and if there is why haven't women turned men into a slave race (some could argue we have)by now? LOL this is my slave race theory: women fuck men's brains out, then as they are recovering we use all that energy for taking over the world.
The missed wavelength during sex is the first problem. I am souped up by sex. I could run a 5k (and have) after a hot night under a guy. My partner didn't wake up till I got back from the race, showered and climbed back into bed. However, I had one lover that would jump up from bed RIGHT AFTER orgasm and run for the shower. This would then have him all energized and talking until I was the one that turned over and slept. So I don't think we are going to link our energy output anytime soon. Some of my thirtysomthing buddies have cured this problem by screwing much younger guys. This has its own host of problems so I haven't gone that rout yet. Thus we just keep having sex and figure it out as we go.

The trouble between the sexes.. Posted by Hello

A scary St. Valentine's threat... Posted by Hello

Want to play post card tag with a really cool guy?

Ben Blackwell is the owner of Cass Records in Detroit ( He's all of about 22-23 years old and probably has seen more in the music industry in 5 years than any of us will in a lifetime. He just started this really cool postcard trade, and wants participants. Besides me, I thought I'd plug it to stir up some more players:

"Trade Postcards:
Ben at Cass Records truly believes in the beauty of the American Postal System. Having used the system his entire life, his main focus at the time is the classic post card. So here's the fun part: write Ben a message/ransom note/marriage proposal on a post card and send it to Cass Records HQ (3424 Bishop, Detroit, MI 48224) and Ben will send you a post card back. It's like a really confusing game of tag! Remember, the cooler, older and weirder the post card, the better. And Ben will most likely reward awesome post cards with even awesomer ones. He even made up special Cass Records stamps for the occasion. And don't be afraid to alter or goof with the images on your post fact, we encourage it. Long live mail art!"

Wednesday, February 02, 2005

Skewered love quotes

"As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax... you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients, " but another kept reminding me, "Howard, you are a veterinarian. "

Roger Matthews

"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free Is that sex for money usually costs a lot less!"

Brendan Francis

And here's a fave of mine:

"When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions
May wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
As the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you
so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth
So is he for your pruning."

The Prophet by Gibran Khalil Gibran

All courtesy of


This is a warning to all of you who think Valentines Day is this sweet, warm and fuzzy holiday that you an your honey-bunny can snuggle to and be smoochy-woochy. AAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!! Valentines Day has always been the most hated of the holidays for me, with Xmas and New Years scoring a close second and third. There is no other holiday that can make a normal person feel humiliated, small and worthless. Even when I was married, Valentines Day would suck: one of us had to work, we were fighting or traveling or he was sick. Thus, I have taken a sacred oath to use this month in my blog to dissect why we as a human race have to humiliate ourselves with this day, with love in general, and why love is even pertinent in today's world. I also will address different kinds of love: gay, straight, bi, animal, vegetable, and mineral. Sex, which is also so intertwined with love, will also be explored in great length. Basically, this will be my opportunity to bitch to high heaven about shit that stems to not getting any valentines in kindergarten. My first bitch: Social Pressure.
Why the hell is it that single people are treated like shit on Valentines Day? One would think logically this would be the time to help singles out by helping to pair them up. NOOOO, this is a time where subtle humiliation us heaped upon those with no dates or relationships this time of year. How does one feel like when they get no offers for dates, flowers, candy, gifts? Like a worthless subhuman that's ugly, socially inferior, and humiliated. The media and Madison Ave. Advertising are all in on it. The commercials, the shows, all meant to render the single person to dorkdom. Right now, because of fate, circumstance, or happenstance. I am single. Happily. But to this very day when I see the Valentines stuff I feel like crap because I buy into the " Nobody finds me lovable enough to buy me crap, thus I'm not worthy of love". Yes, even though I consider myself fairly savvy, the programming is buried deep. To combat this, I'm including all valentines-related paraphenalia in to the category of our President: I will just start swearing and throwing things at the very sight of such disgust.

Tuesday, February 01, 2005

I need therapy..

I think since the attack, I have never been offered so much sex. And I'm creeping myself out about what I should do. I have no urge to let anyone into my apartment unless they are the most trusted. The problem was that I was attacked by a trusted (I thought) person. However I still have the same urges, and I cant afford the batteries I'm going though with my rabbit. Will it take one huge leap to get me back into the saddle? Do I want to? Will I freak when the time comes? Hell, will I turn into a bigger nypho (sans anal) than I am? All I know is that I feel ugly, when logically I know I'm not. That might be my period talking more than psyche. I haven't found the cure for the bloodless feeling yet, hopefully that will be next. Tomorrow is Imbolc, so maybe the Goddess will have some answers, or at least hints.

Painting step 2....Stomach Cramps

After I finished the sketching, I began to get the paint and implements of the job out. Had three different shades of red to choose. and I chose Napthol Red Medium acrylic, along with titanium white and black. The red and black I mixed to get a really cool black/purple color for the shading. Normally I paint the dark sections first, then go lighter. The good thing about Oils v/s Acrylics is that acrylics dry faster. The bad thing: lol the acrylics dry faster. I had to be very careful doing the shading not to over shade..If I screwed up I cant just scrape it off like oils. But acrylics are really opaque, so I can cover one color with another with no bleed through. As I was doing this I was assaulted with all of these thoughts of "This sucks". Thus the cramps. Now the bigger decisions occur: how much redder do I want this to be. Do I just take the mixed dark I have and ad white and make the lighter sections purplish, or, do I take a base red and make them redder?..