Sunday, January 13, 2008

Ruminations of things to come-faith

Well after a year of very unsatisfying and frustrating Wicca, I came to the conclusion that instead of the usual existential fugue I normally get this time of year I am having a spiritual crisis. I no longer feel as attached to witchcraft as I used to be. Some would use the analogy that its like being in a long marriage , then waking up gradually to the fact that the person you sleep beside and count on for comfort and strength is a stranger. So what do I believe in now? I believe there is a supreme power, but that it is not necessarily male. I still believe that nature is sacred, and we have a moral and spiritual responsibility to take care of it. The biggest part is that I absolutely do not believe that Jesus of Nazareth is divine in any way. He is a spiritual leader like Mohammad and Buddha, no more no less. That part of my belief system hasn't changed.
However what has changed is a new found need for community. Daniel told me when we first met this is why he left witchcraft and became a christian. I didn't understand then. I was fine in my intellectual/spiritual isolation. It has been almost 3 years since that conversation, and I now realize how lonely this faith can be. I need interaction now, the warmth of a community of people who believe the same things. So, what core things do I need ? Ritual that is old and deep of meaning. Intellectual stimulation for the brain , and with the freedom to question without persecution. So the past few weeks I have admitted my crisis of faith to Daniel, and he has supported my search for a new path. I began the research a few weeks ago.
At first, Catholicism and Buddhism came out first. Catholicism has the fellowship I need, plus the ages old ritual. The minuses are that Catholicism, even though it takes a good brain to study it, isn't keen on people who ask questions and wont toe the doctrinal line. Oh, and that whole Jesus-is-Lord-and-savior thing. That sort of thing could have got you killed about 100 years ago, and could still get you killed in some places. As for Buddhism, at first I liked it. There is a growing population in the area so the fellowship might be there. The study of the faith takes my fancy intellectually, but...the doctrine leaves me cold. There is nothing in life but suffering? Giving up all worldly things leads to nirvana? Whatever, it just makes me cold.
So now I'm looking into Judaism. Ill keep all posted on how that goes.