Monday, February 27, 2006

Insomnia and Creepy-Crawly Crotch Rot

This is turning out to be a 2 post a month deal. I must do better. I've been saying that a lot about my life lately. I must do better at: housekeeping, exercising, trying to do my art, planning the wedding, etc. Now add blogging to the list. I must do better at blogging, because you know, I can never do anything good enough to please myself. I'm perpetually displease with myself. Like with sleeping. I don't do that much anymore. In fact I have been up almost 24 hours and I'm not even mildly tired. What I am is wiggly from the aforementioned creepy crawly crotch rot (my sister's term for yeast infection..thanks Samantha!). So here is my current status: buggy eyed and slap happy from no sleep and worry about shit I cant control, and squirmy from, well, you know. ...


My darling Daniel offered, before he went out today, to stop by Wal-Mart to get some Creepy-Crawly Crotch Rot Cream on the way home from getting break work done on the car, which the thought of would send most men into a hari kari attempt. TOP THAT FOR WONDERFUL, MEN OF THE UNIVERSE!!!!!!

Sunday, February 12, 2006


Some probably would think I've given up the blog. Not true! I have been ill lately. My fibromyalgia has been acting up. I believe I've told you all about this before, but as a refresher:

-First, you begin not to sleep well. Mostly this is chronic but controllable to greater and lesser degrees.
-Then, your muscles begin to hurt, because you aren't getting a recuperative sleep.
-Next, the pain becomes so bad you cannot do daily activities. You actually don't feel like moving at all.
-No exercise= the pain gets worse. You get depressed because you cant do the things you want or used to do.
-And because you are depressed, your sleep gets worse......thus the vicious cycle begins again until one spins out of control.

And I have reached that point. This week has been pretty hellish, and has been building for about a month now. The only way to break the cycle is to up the antidepressant. That will break the depression and fatigue, making me feel the energy to exercise, allowing me to fatigue my muscles the
natural way, thus causing a deeper sleep. The cycle breaks, and I become a functioning member of society again. The last time I maxed my wellbutrin XL, I had so much energy I became a runner. I really miss having the energy to run, and paint, and even do the most normal things. I want to volunteer at the local museum. I want to walk again. I want to start being an artist, and soon a wife.
Daniel has been a pillar of strength. There is really no way to tell him how bad this is, but he is patient and loving, the best thing I need.

Thursday, February 02, 2006

Imbolc 2006

The first holiday of the new year. It celebrates the return of the sun to the people, the continuation of the rebirth cycle started at Yuletide. Usually this is the time of year that drives me nuts, since it is normally all snow and darkness. However, our winter cant decide between cold or spring, so it really hasn't been half bad. I consider Imbolc a reminder that warm weather is on its way, just keep some patience. I've had to have a lot of patience so far this new year.

Many of my long suffering readers will remember a character called Mr. Cool. He was an older, wealthier, secret-agent-man-type that convinced my stupid ass that escorting was glamorous. I have been distant from him the past few months, just running his swing club. However, the pills melted what was left of his brain, and he accused me of stealing...again. The problem was I'm getting married to someone else and he can't control me anymore. This group was the last hold. So we started our own club: .

Mr. Cool did introduce me to the Swing Lifestyle, which I will always thank him for. He put me in a position to learn a lot about myself, and human nature. But, the mindfuck is over. I consider this Imbolc to symbolize the returning to the light of my own life, my own powers, without Mr. Cool's sick influence being there. So Mote It Be!!