Tuesday, November 29, 2005

Bill Hicks - Quote alert!!!

"This is it, folks. This is the idea which has kept me virtually unknown for the past 16 years. I have watched my crowds dwindle. I am going nowhere, and nowhere quick, but, those of you who have children, I am sorry to tell you this, but they are not special. Wait! I know some of you are going "what, what?" Let me just clarify: I know YOU think they're special ... ha ha ha! I'm aware of that. I'm just here to tell you, that they're NOT! Ha ha ha ha! Sorry. Did you know that every time a guy comes he comes two-hundred million sperm? One out of TWO-HUNDRED MILLION – that load, we're only talking about one load – connected: gee, what are the fucking odds? Do you know what that means?
I've wiped nations off've my chest with a grey gymsock.
I've tossed universes in my underpants while napping. Boom! A Milkyway shoots into my jockeyshorts:
"Unngh ... what's for fucking breakfast?!"

I feel pretty? I don't think so...

I actually feel like I look like utter shit. I have become a noodle since I quit working a typical job. I should be out walking, learning my surroundings. I am not. It seems that I have completely caved into my agoraphobia. I simply do not want to leave the house, not even to check the mail ( I check it about every other day). My little inner Crab is delighting in the supreme feeling of safety. I am gaining weight, but can't seem to summon the energy to move. I have caved into the chronic fatigue, because I have no driving reason,that my survival depends on, to make me leave this apartment. My mind, however, is screaming for company. Everyday I wait for IMs, so I can connect with people. I should have this house ready for me to start painting, but I am behind. I feel defeated.

Monday, November 28, 2005

Mummers Dance (Lorena Mckennitt) - Lyric alert!!!!

When in the springtime of the year
When the trees are crowned with leaves
When the askhand oak,
And the birch and yew
Are dressed in ribbons fair.
When owls call the breathless moon
In the blue veil of the night
The shadows of the trees appear
Amidst the lantern light.
We've been rambling all the night
And sometime of this day
Now returning back again
We bring a garland gay
Who will go down to those shady groves
And summon the shadows there
And tie a ribbon on those sheltering arms
In the springtime of the year
The songs of birds seem to fill the wood
That when the fiddler plays
All their voices can be heard
Long past their woodland days
We've been rambling all the night
And sometime of this day
Now returning back again
We bring a garland gay
And so they linked their
Hands and danced
Round in circles and in rows
And so the journey of the night descends
When all the shades are gone
A garland gay we bring you here
And at your door we stand
It is a sprout well budded out
The work of Our {Lady's} hand
We've been rambling all the night
And sometime of this day
Now returning back again
We bring a garland gay
We've been rambling all the night
And sometime of this day
Now returning back again
We bring a garland gay


Wednesday, November 16, 2005

The Alchera Project

The Alchera Project ( is a website that makes you think about the stuff you put in your blog/site. Once a month, the blogger chooses from one of several options for writing, then submits it. Since, I feel, my blog has grown stale from all the excitement happening elsewhere, I am going to participate. Here is this month's assignment:

"Free-write/Option No. Three: [ top ]
This month I'm going to be more specific with the free write option. Every now and then something will trigger a memory for me, one that I'd completely forgotten. Sometimes the trigger is a smell, a song or even just overhearing someone talking. Seeing as this happens to me a few times a month, at least, I hope it works like that for everyone else. If not, my apologies. Usually I remember something and then the next day I've completely forgotten about it again. So this month, if an old memory is triggered, try to write it down and then come back to it later, when you have the time, and free-write on it."

My memory happened this evening, after a long-delayed call to my biological father. His voice, after not hearing it for so long (almost a year) sent me spinning back to the 11 years he was in my life. He always moved around from place to place, so I vividly recalled a time where he had decided to just pack up and move from West Virginia to Colorado, on a whim it seemed. My sister and I were young, 9 and 7 years old, and had been forced to throw all of our precious childhood things into plastic bags. We were not allowed to tell anyone from school we were leaving until the very last minute. We had been up very late the night before the move, then got up early to go to school. Then, after the day ended, we were driving on to Colorado. We walked from the playground to the car. I opened the door and ordered my younger sister in, which she said no to. "Get in the car!" "No you get in!" began as grumpy orders and escalated to all out, full shrieking. After what seemed to be several minutes of this, my father jumped out, threw us in the car and drove off before the principle could walk over and see what was wrong. We sobbed hysterically, literally just wailed, for a half hour after we got in. I remember my father saying, "Aww, they are just a little stressed, they will get over it." to my (obvious to me now) pissed off mother. I am astonished now on just how callus he was, not caring about the affects all the moving caused, or the trauma to our psyches. disappeared when I was 11, and I never talked to him again until I was 28. And to this day, he is clueless about this incident, and in fact claims not to remember it at all.

Tuesday, November 15, 2005

First post from the new life.

I know I have been neglectful of my blogging recently. I have been trying to figure out my new life and get it as organized as possible. I've been trying to change over from singleton to partnered. There are things I never understood clearly, until now.

It is a good thing I like my own company...

My poor Daniel has worked several 16 hour shifts in the past week and a half. During the week, I might see him roughly 4 hours a day if that. For that reason alone I'm glad I'm here. He would work himself into the ground, and not take care of himself. At least with me here he had clean clothes, fresh food, and a warm place to sleep. I still feel guilty that I benefit more from the fruits of his labor than he does. Hopefully, once I get everything organized, it will be better.

Sleep deprivation can be a good thing...

Daniel leaves for work at 2PM, he returns at 4AM on regular nights, barring overtime. In order to spend more time with him, I've been attempting to get on his schedule, with mixed results. It takes me back to the time where I worked 2nd shift, and changed over to a 8am-4:30PM job. The sleep disruption then was horrendous. I was getting 3 hours of sleep a day trying to crowbar my internal clock into submission to the new order. Now, I'm changing back to my much-loved night owl ways, yet it seems just as hard as when I changed it the first time. Who knew getting to sleep in would be so tough?

Getting used to the lay of the land...

I haven't gotten out to explore my new surroundings yet. I've been doing aerobics on Fittv, and haven't ventured into a stroll around the new hood. I seem to be in a nesting phase, where this little Cancer loves being in her shell. Eventually I will go out on foot and explore Pikeville on foot one end to the other. Right now, I am happiest indoors.

Tuesday, November 01, 2005

Samhain 2005

I bet all of you, in my preoccupation with all things move and wedding related, thought I had forgotten the most important holiday on the Witches calendar. No so. In fact, it has been a constant thought these past days leading up to it. I will never be too busy for my faith. I laugh at the goals I had from last year, since I met none of them. But there are a few things I want to mention.

Those who have past away:
Daniel's Grandfather Cummings
Lonnie Davis, my best friend(and aunt) Margaret's mother.
My great Aunt Elsie Daniels

What I am thankful for:
Daniel, because he genuinely proved I could love again.
My painting, because I realize I do have an ability that should not be wasted.
My health, even though it has been fragile
My family, who have welcomed Daniel as one of their own.
Daniel's family, who has equally embraced me.

AND (deep breath), the three things I want to accomplish in the new year:
Get married (April 2006)
Be pregnant this time next year, since time's a wastin'
And a repeat from last year, have a show of my paintings ready.

Blessed be too all in the New Year.