Wednesday, August 18, 2004

The joys and sorrows of not driving

My back hurts, my legs are rubbery, and today was a rest day with no running. Thus it only means one thing: I just got back from Kroger. I am going to admit a secret so deep that adults gasp when I admit it: I never learned to drive. So what would ordinarily be a routine trip for most is and ordeal to me. I walk to the store ( I walk everywhere actually),shop, then wait for the taxi to take me to the apartment. Then, I lug all my stuff to my attic studio, equaling about 3 stories. See, I don't have to exert myself after that.
Why did I never learn to drive? My mom tried to teach me and scared me to death at age 16. Then I met my husband years later who LOVED to drive, so I never had to worry about it. Dan offered to teach me but never got around to it..Half joking that if I learned, I'd be free to travel to see other people. Tonight's trip was the first without Dan's help in a month. We haven't spoken in one week as of today. I'm not sad about it though. I feel strong and independent and free for the first time in many months. I like my own company--no remote control battles. Am I never lonely? Hell yes I am lonely every day, but I usually just sit with the feeling and it eases away.
I have reached the 30's hormonal surge that women hit. I could use all the intimacy I can get..But I haven't had sex in two weeks. The point hasn't been reached to where I'm picking up men in bars. I am biding my time, knowing that Aphrodite will send the right kind of men my way when I am ready for them. For now, I just stay in the moment and try not to get carpal tunnel from my own "company".
And what does this all have to do with not knowing how to drive? Easy. Not having a man in my life now is like not driving-there are hassles and times of frustration, but when the end (or climax) has been reached, I always feel better.


Clint said...

I go through phases in which I don't drive as well, partly as a response to gas prices and partly because the vehicles I own frequently don't work. I find it rewarding, in a way ... I love walking, though I find a lot of people don't understand why.

I'm glad you're settling into your time alone ... though if it gets to the point where you're picking up guys in bar, you're going to have to at least tell us which bar. ;)