Sunday, February 13, 2005

Valentine's Day Massacre: Obsession

Valentine's Day tends to be the type of holiday that brings the stalker out in everyone. This is the favorite time to try to buy someone's love with flowers, candy, diamonds, etc. What is it that makes humans feel "love" for people who otherwise would never know of their existence, or have known it and want to forget? Before I get into it, I have a confession. I am obsessed with someone who I know for a fact will NEVER acknowledge my presence, and will never consider me fit as a romantic companion. That being said, I have a collection of pics of him on my Yahoo pictures account, 240 to be exact. There is a large poster of him at the foot of my bed. He is the only human I'm using in my artwork as a subject. Logically I know that this is not a suitable pastime or pursuit for a woman my age. And, this is kinda humiliating to actually come out and admit. But this is my point: obsessions just doesn't run with stalkers. All humans suffer from it, just in greater and lesser degrees. With my obsession this person can me anyone I need him to be. I can project whatever need I have on him, and he responds. I have a whole relationship in my mind NOONE can interfere with. However I consider myself relatively sane. Stalkers try to see if the projection equals the real person, and it never does. Thus all the freaky stuff they do. Can't blame the celebrity, they are just trying to get through this life like everyone else.
The closer to home obsessions are a bit more dangerous. We have all dealt with the psycho ex boyfriend or girlfriend that leaves the threatening messages,the notes. Breakups can go horribly awry. The ego and self esteem are all too often tied with what the love object relates about us. So many people can't be whole in themselves. And from painful experience, there is no such thing as another human being "completing" another. We want so much for something else outside of us to bring out what's already there. I went through a baptism by fire to figure this out, and I figured out it's impossible for another human being to make you into something you aren't already. This is why I am single, and happily so. I have had friends stalked, beaten up, terrorized by others obsessed with them. The papers are full of death from obsessions gone terribly wrong. We all know someone who's been through it if we haven't ourselves. Restraining orders are as good as the paper they are printed on. There will never be any solution with this, its as deep as human nature goes.