Wednesday, October 04, 2006

The fat, middle aged harpy housewife from Hell

Daniel seems to have found a possible play partner in West Virginia. I have, once again, the uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach. It feels like a mixture of slight jealousy with a pinch of inner turmoil, and a cup of self esteem issues thrown into the batter. Here is a woman who has the possibility of seeing more of my husband than I do. And, as I stated in the previous post, I have precious little trust of women in general and single ones in particular. I am well aware my baby has needs his hand just can't fulfill, and I don't have a problem with him satisfying them per se. However, there's this hot brunette with a great body who isn't married living in BFE, and here is a man who is sexy, articulate, and sexually skilled with an excellent paying job. Can you say bigger, better deal? If it was a married woman whose husband lets her play separately I wouldn't feel so icky about it.

I trust my husband. Period. I am just feeling like crap because I'm always tired, I look like hell, and I'm terrified of becoming boring to him. Trust me, you can be the sexiest woman in the world, but if you become boring, a man will go looking somewhere else. Being an escort taught me that. The fat, middle aged harpy housewife from Hell (lol say that fast 5 times), she is in the mirror staring back at me, justly or not.

Part of me thinks that maybe its time to find my own play partner. I am damn particular about who I fuck nowadays, also from being an escort. I am afraid I will get so lonely from being away from Daniel that whomever I end up playing with might become a crutch. But, it might just be the thing I need to do so Daniel can have the play partner he needs right now. As long as I have my weekend marriage, it will have to do.