Thursday, October 07, 2004

Life in S>L>O>W motion.

I feel like I'm moving in 78 rpm instead of 45 rpm (for all those not old enough to know what I'm talking about..Record speeds on a turntable). The Effexor has made its way into my bloodstream and I'm working in two modes..slow and stop. I'm at home today from work since I can barely stand from the fatigue. I call my useless internal medicine doctor and she says stop the Effexor and talk to my psychiatrist. Here is the rub: I can't afford a shrink. University of Kentucky medical insurance does not pay full price for psychiatric, just 50%. This doesn't help me a damn bit, since a shrink costs about 350$ an hour. So, I've been winging it with the antidepressants. My only choice seems to be going off the Effexor and back to the Wellbutrin, hoping a week is long enough to make it work normally. Notice I am not holding my breath.
The apartment is a mess, so I am making myself move to try to shake the lethargy. I washed my dishes, which I consider a major accomplishment. I might add I am no Martha Stewart when it comes to home keeping. I am famous for my clutter. I consider myself a champion breeder of show dust bunnies. The Effexor is working fine if the fatigue wasn't there. Sex is not a problem..Had sex the other night and had an orgasm just fine (actually a really good one but I digress..). I wish science and society would catch up to the reality of mental illness. Does the world think I want to be on meds my whole life to function? It pisses me off that society still has this stigma against something that's just another illness. So I will wander around the apartment today like a freaking zombie trying to figure out what the hell to do.