Its official....

The final blood DNA test results are here. It was done professionally, there can be no question of the validity of the results. The test was performed 3 times by two different labs, so the outcome is final.

Daniel is not a father. Kailey is not his. I really don't know what I totally feel now. I'm glad the roller-coaster is over. I'm relieved in a way that we can get on with our lives...and yet..

Kailey is a sweet baby. Her mother Ashley is a mixed up kid. We have become friends with her family. Daniel has decided that the best thing to do is cut all ties with them, for his own emotional health, and I agree with him. Will I miss her (Kailey)? Yes, she has grown into my heart. Will I rejoice that the first biological child that my husband has is mine? Yes. Life is full of greys, and this situation is one of them.

Captain Outrageous

Captain Outrageous died February 9. Yes that has been several weeks ago now, but I haven't exactly known what to say until now. I've been kinda trying to put the shock into words, but couldn't till now.

To all not in the know, Capt. O was an art INSITUTION in Key West. If one person could be called part of the essential fabric of KW it was him. He had an international following, but this was the same affable old coot that would say hello and wink as I ran by him in coming out of Harpoon Harry's after breakfast. His art was everywhere on the streets and in the windows and musical instruments, as colorful and varied as a fine emerald found from a Keys shipwreck. I didn't know him more than to say hello, but his art stayed in my heart for the past 7 years.
The sad part is his passing feels like another string connecting me to KW has been cut. If I had been there, I would have marched in his funeral procession through the streets of the island. Capt. O's death has reminded me both how distant those days are becoming, and how instantly my heart can be snapped back like a piece of elastic right back there. Have a good sail Capt'!!

Entertainment News Diatribe

The past week on CNN has been like an episode of "As the Stomach Churns". I only have a few things to say:

*FOR THE LOVE OF WHATEVER YOU CONSIDER HOLY, SOMEBODY BURY ANNA NICOLE SMITH AND GET IT OFF THE ^$%#&$^ Air !!!!!
The woman is decomposing as we speak, and all the vultures of her life are still circling for her money and fame including THE JUDGE, so please just get on with it and bury her already!! (as of a few minutes ago the judge awarded the body to the lawyer representing Anna Nicole's 5 month old baby, with a suggestion to bury her in in The Bahamas, but no clear order. Lovely, that just clears everything up {*&@*&#} )

**News Flash : BRITTANY SPEARS STORY TREATED LIKE SHE IS FIRST WOMAN TO SHAVE HEAD AND GO PSYCHO ON DRUGS!!!!
I have some news of my own: when a woman shaves her head, its a cry for help. I know this because I have done it. Yet you didn't hear the news about it on CNN every freaking time I made a move. Is she the first celeb to hit bottom? The first to flame out in public? NO. When the news coverage gets so bad it makes K-Fed look like Ward Clever, its time to find another story ( as of a few hours ago, Brittany was back in rehab, and Federline got the kids while she stays there...good luck with that.)

Hells bells, If I wanted to know about all this shit, I'd be going to People.com. All I'm asking is for real news to be carried out, and the crap to be left in Entertainment where it belongs.

The Itchy and Scratchy Show...

I'm doing a special post today from the lovely campus of Virginia Tech Vet School. My friend has the sweetest Lab mix puppy that has no growth plates in his front legs. They were lucky enough to get a scholarship to bring him to VA Tech. the conundrum is that I'm highly allergic to dogs, but, for the cause, i came with her to keep her company on the drive. Yes, a dose of Benedryl and nebulizer along with a long shower will be in order when I get home.

This campus is gorgeous. Quite a few new buildings due to the football fetish here. its very clean and safe. Its nice but makes me miss UK.

The tests, both of them

No, I didn't forget about the tests. For the first, I was there bright and early Saturday morning while the test moderators were trying to get their shit together. The test took about an hour, and it was BASIC. It was filing, simple math, phone etiquette and such. I should get some news about it and the job in the next week. You have to be in the top 5 scores to qualify, and unless I'm a COMPLETE moron, I did just fine.
As for the second test, we went to the hospital yesterday morning to have it done. A was running late with Kailey, so we took our sweet time at registration so she could catch up. The baby was a sweetie, until they took her back to get her test-those dumb asses took her blood from her arm like an adult (bastards). However, Kailey didn't cry for long, and we all went back to the apartment to eat lunch and romp with the baby till Daniel had to leave for work. It was one of the best visits we have had. We will have those results by Friday or next Monday.

The weekend

The party this weekend went extremely well! Despite the snow, we had roughly 45 people there. A lot of nudity, laughter, and friendship all around. We are starting to get a reputation for throwing good parties, so I hope we don't outgrow our party site. Daniel and I were both sick, but we both had a wonderful time.
Sunday was for recuperation, and we both needed it desperately. We watched the race (Daytona) while we passed the nebulizer back and forth to each other.

ARGHHHHH (cough, cough, sniffle)

I have:
A civil service exam on Saturday morning,
A party to prepare for and stay up with all night Saturday night,
A visit from Kailey on Sunday,
Another DNA test on Monday,
And a cleaning job on the house between now and Saturday...........

Why can't I get healthy!!!!!

Valentine's Day

I was feeling sorry for myself today because of the news of the baby and my ongoing health problems, and I barely realized it was Valentine's day. Then I stumbled across the Military Channel's Operation V-Day. This is dedicated to letting overseas servicemen and women send taped messages to their loved ones back home. Of course I grew teary-eyed until one serviceman in Iraq started his message with a quote from the Song of Solomon. By the end of his reading, I was sobbing. He read it with such passion, then dedicated it to his wife. That's all he said.

I cried because I was ashamed. Daniel has the flu too, and is working his ass off in the cold. I try to tell him a dozen times a day that I love him, but I never can tell him enough, or how deeply that love runs. Here is a guy from Iraq, facing death, taking the time to tell his wife over thousands of miles that he loves her, and using the passionate words of my favorite part of the Bible.

Baby, I want to tell you how much I love you every second of every day. The depth of my love for you is impossible to put into words. The memory of the first time I saw your face still makes my heart skip a beat. I adore every second you snore in my ear when we get to sleep together, and I love the way the house looks like a whirlwind hit after you are home a few days, because it shows YOU WERE HERE WITH ME! I hope there is never a day I take you for granted. In your honor, I found that quote from The Song of Solomon that soldier quoted, and have it here for you (http://etext.virginia.edu/etcbin/toccer-new2?id=KjvCant.sgm&images=images/modeng&data=/texts/english/modeng/parsed&tag=public&part=2&division=div1)

"The voice of my beloved! behold, he cometh leaping upon the mountains, skipping upon the hills.
My beloved is like a roe or a young hart: behold, he standeth behind our wall, he looketh forth at the windows, shewing himself through the lattice. My beloved spake, and said unto me, Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.
For, lo, the winter is past, the rain is over and gone;
The flowers appear on the earth; the time of the singing of birds is come, and the voice of the turtle is heard in our land;
The fig tree putteth forth her green figs, and the vines with the tender grape give a good smell. Arise, my love, my fair one, and come away.
O my dove, that art in the clefts of the rock, in the secret places of the stairs, let me see thy countenance, let me hear thy voice; for sweet is thy voice, and thy countenance is comely.
Take us the foxes, the little foxes, that spoil the vines: for our vines have tender grapes.
My beloved is mine, and I am his: he feedeth among the lilies.
Until the day break, and the shadows flee away, turn, my beloved, and be thou like a roe or a young hart upon the mountains of Bether. "

I love you Daniel.

Lupercalia,

From the Pagan Institutes' Sacred Times, their pagan book of days (http://paganinstitute.org/PIR/sacred_times.html)

"February 14-21
Lupercalia, one of the oldest festivals of Roman religion, in honor of Juno-Lupa, the she-wolf who suckled Romulus and Remus. Two youths are swabbed on the forehead with wool dipped in milk. This was a festival of love. One feature was a lottery in which tokens (original valentine) with the names of single women were drawn by young men. The couples were companions for the week's festivities."
This is just a bit of alternative history today's pseudo-Christian holiday.

The news...

Well I was right, the truth hurt worse than I can ever imagine. The DNA test results came back negative. According to this test, Kailey is not Daniel's. We have decided to have another test, this time blood work, as a second opinion. Then, if the second test is negative, we have to make a painful decision: does Daniel choose to be a daddy to this child who I think desperately needs us, or or chose to be Uncle Daniel? We don't know yet.

My chest is still rattling, but I think the Cipro is clearing it up. I still have a touch of the flu, and my mouth is covered with cold sores. I'm going to look lovely for this weekends party. The way I feel emotionally and physically at this moment, I'm kinda apathetic about the party.

Next weekends gonna be interesting...

I got an interesting little letter in the mail Saturday. It was an invitation to take the KY state civil exam next Saturday at 8:00 AM. I had applied for a fairly well paid state job, but didn't think I'd be qualified for it. So, the day of the party, I have to be at Pikeville HS at 8Am to take this test. Only the top 5 scores get considered. After the test we have to get ready for the party that night, the party itself, and a visit from the baby on Sunday. YeeHa!!!

ATTENTION TO FRIENDS!!!!

Robert,

We are scared to death about you an P. I have called 3-4 times this week and left messages each time. We can never seem to catch either of you online. Did we do something to anger or upset you? Either one of us? We both miss you terribly, and wonder what could have happened to make you two withdraw from us. If we made you mad, at least give us a "Fuck You", so that we know that nothing is physically wrong. I know you read the blog as late as 3 days ago. Please, please get in touch with Daniel or myself.

Tabitha

Stand by for a cough filled primal scream!!

In some way I think I have pissed of the health gods. I started coughing the first week of December, after the Xmas party. It started as laryngitis, and turned into a cough. So I coughed the whole month of December, ending up in the emergency room on Xmas night because I coughed so hard I thought I had broken my rib. Luckily or unluckily for me, I had a pulled intercostal (sp?) muscle. So through January, I held my side as i coughed until it healed. The amount of coughing would ease up for a day or two, then flare right back up.
Today's date is Feb. 9. I am on Advair, Singulair, and an emergency Albuterol inhaler. As soon as I get my nebulizer in the mail, I will add Xopenex (levalbuterol HCL) to the mix. Yes I have been diagnosed with Asthma. No, I don't have COPD since I have never personally smoked. What I do have is a body shaking, rasping cough that wont go away as much as I bitch about it.

Playstation withdrawl

The Evil Enticer that is my husband got me turned onto video game RolePlayingGames a few months ago. I fell in love with RPG's all over again, hearkening me back to my youth when I geeked out with my friends and played D&D. A good RPG is like a good book: you can loose yourself inside it, and sink away from the life more ordinary.
I had just about beaten Final Fantasy X-2, and was preparing myself for Kingdom Hearts II when the PlayStation 2 started having a disc read error. This is akin to the blue screen of death for computers, either way it doesn't bode well. So for the second time, Daniel took it apart to clean it. It probably would have been kinder to take it out back and shoot it. The PS2 is certifiably dead.
Daniel has the Gamecube with him in WV, so he can play Zelda Twilight Princess (oh I shall play that game sooner or later hehehehe). Thus I am left bereft of a gaming console. You would think a 35 year old would have more dignity and not worry about not playing her games, but Ive' always been the kind of girl whom would rather be happy than dignified.

Things that are no big surprise, the death of Anna Nicole

Apparently, Anna Nicole Smith finally went too far down the TrimSpa/Cocaine/booze road and died today at the age of 39 in Florida. I always had mixed feelings about her. On one hand, we have a talentless golddigger who was famous for being famous. On the other hand, you have a small town girl with no education, who was ambitious enough to use the only thing she had to get her and her son to a better life. In her place, I might have done the same thing if I had half her looks.

The last few months of her life actually was like a very creepy Greek Tragedy being played out in front of the press. It sort of makes sense she died they way she did. Every good Shakespearean tragic play ends with everyone but the dog dying. She was annoying yet fascinating, a dumb blond who was surprisingly shrewd, and a party girl that, from all accounts, was a decent mother. That's the truest part of the tragedy right there: she leaves behind a 5 month old baby whose custody will be fought over for years by two of Anna's opposing lovers.

Some in the media have been comparing her to Marilyn Monroe. I actually saw her more as an anti-Paris Hilton. Both famous for nothing, and beautiful enough to get away with it...for awhile.

LYRICS ALERT!!!! In honor of the weather

"Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Let It Snow"
Lyricist Sammy Cahn and composer Jule Styne-1945.

Oh the weather outside is frightful
But the fire is so delightful
And since we've no place to go
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

It doesn't show signsof stopping
And I've bought some corn for popping
The lights are turned way down low
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow!

When we finally kiss goodnight
How I'll hate going out in the storm!
But if you'll really hold me tight
All the way home I'll be warm

The fire is slowly dying
And, my dear, we're still goodbying
But as long as you love me so
Let It Snow! Let It Snow! Let It Snow

The truth will not set us free

We finally got the DNA Test performed and sent in. We did the cheek swabbing on Saturday, and Kailey was a champ. She made a face because it tickled, but she didn't get upset at all. LOL I think it was a scam, since the look she gave me when Daniel gave her her gift was priceless (see pic above). I think shes learned the lesson of "Im a girl and can con anybody".

We got all the paperwork done and sent in today. We should know by Friday or next Monday the results. Stay tuned

The moods I get into when Im in pain....

LOL I've been trying to clean my house before this weekends visit from the Youngling and her mom, and I'm in a lot of pain from the fibro. Moving, bending, sitting upright, are not that fun to do right now. So I started daydreaming...

About having a human House Elf, a extremely submissive man, or woman for that matter, that would be a domestic slave. Someone who got an erotic thrill from cleaning my house and doing my errands. I would be totally free to pursue my art, or totally rest if I needed to. lol Any takers?