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Thursday, January 18, 2007

Summing up the week.

This has been a very stressful time for me. Ive been busy getting the house ready for the visit from the baby and her mother this weekend, working on getting the mortgage set up, and all the paperwork to free up the money for the down payment. I feel like a wound up guitar string ready to snap sometimes. I did get out with my friend Edie for awhile yesterday which helped enormously. Creatively, I haven't had much time to paint, but I have been able to cross stitch and play a bit with the watercolors, and that is the most soothing thing.
The biggest, and most useless fear a human being can have is a fear of the unknown. I deal with fears like that a lot. I just need to get to this weekend visit, to get through the tension and awkwardness of the situation, and things should be fine. One of my dreams has always been to live in my own house. Now that possibility is right in my lap, but I can't really enjoy it until I get these feelings out of my way about Kailey's arrival into our lives. If this baby is Daniel's, I will be first in line to spoil her silly, and love her to death. Here is where the fear of the unknown steps up: what if she isn't his child, and we both get our hearts broken?

2 comments:

Iowa Swinger said...

Well Z....

I've been reading your site for quite some time, and have just returned from Key West last night. I TOTALLY KNOW AND UNDERSTAND WHY you dream of returning there and whole heartedly agree.

As for getting your heart broken, It's a funny thing about babies.... they don't care if your biologically related, they just accept your love, so dont worry about the biology of it all and love them with all your heart.

zezrie said...

Thank you so much..Ive fallen in love with her already. As for Key West, I hope you enjoyed every nanosecond there!