One extreme to another...the first day of the Gazelle

I climbed on to the machine buck ass naked. It struck me as a very ancient Olympics thing to do. Grabbing the handles, I reminded myself that I have completed 2 5K runs, and I used to run 20 miles a week. I felt strong; I felt good....
5 Minutes later my naked ass was on the floor gasping for breath while every muscle in my body body burned. The memories of athletic glory dripped away with the sweat. I didn't have to remind myself that I was at the beginner stage all over again, my heaving, asthmatic lungs reminded of that fact pretty quickly. At the first I was hearing Strauss' Also Sprach Zarathustra (2001 A Space Odyssey) soaring over me....
The end sounded more like Yakety Sax (Benny Hill).