Thursday, December 30, 2004

Innocence Lost

I finally caught the episode of 100 Greatest Metal moments, 20-1. There was a website mentioned, Metal Sludge ( ) a place where groupies have the last laugh by ranking the quality, and yes quantity, of various rock stars from the 80's and 90's. Mostly hair bands from the golden age of groupiedom was mentioned, the 1980's. I should have known better. I should have left well enough alone with my adolescent sexual fantasy, but this was like a car crash that begs to be rubbernecked at. Now in the early 90's I did a bit of backstage stuff. never fucked anyone, just smoked their dope. A few of these tidbits were no great surprise...some blew my mind. The dick chart was a revelation to say the least. Groupies give the lowdown, good bad and laughable. The fact that Tommy Lee sets the standard for length and girth is not a newsflash. The man can steer a boat with no hands. However, some who can either compare to him, or fail to measure up, surprised me. For example, and I quote;" Glenn Danzig / Danzig, The bottom line is his cock is just like him, short." ARGHHH I love him, and really didn't want to know that...too late! Another of my 80's faves Don Dokken, fared better:"Don has a good looking, nice sized dick and could go ALL night long. He will make sure you get off and is willing to do whatever it takes for it to happen. However, he will treat you as a prize the next morning and show you to the roadies like the catch of the day. Can be kind of crude that way!" A few current popular guys were mentioned, Like Fred Durst of Limp Biskit, supposedly a notorious ladies man in the press:"Fred is an average joe, or should I say an average Fred. Nothing too big but nothing too small. He loves to eat pussy and loves to get oral in return. He's a little on the kinky side and he really loves the freaky girls. Tries to use the press to get date and frequently comes off like a creepy stalker." A few of these reviews reconfirmed my liking of some rockers that my friends made fun of me for, Flea of Red Hot Chili Peppers:"Flea may seem the scruffy second choice to Anthony, but he's very attractive and intense in one hard compact package. He is highly intelligent, sensitive, a great writer and has a beautiful, extremely rock hard cock of well proportioned length and width. Can stay rock hard for a while. Incredibly intense building and fluidity." HA, my taste in rock stars has been reinforced by the pros! LMAO. Anyway to be fair, actual endowment isn't the only thing mentioned. These ladies also mention who are creeps and who are the really really hot ones that are nice and treat groupies like humans. If you are like me, in your early 30's and have an urge to flirt vicariously with your sexual fantasies from teenhood, this is the site for you.