Wednesday, September 27, 2006

Crossing a huge hurdle.

There comes a time in every woman's life when she is able to overcome a past sexual trauma, hopefully with the help of a loving man. I experienced such a case of sexual healing a few weekend's ago, with Daniel's loving, generous help. As my long suffering readers might recall, I was anally sexually assaulted in January, 2005, by an ex-boyfriend. Since, that part of my sexuality has been shut down. But then I found a wonderful, caring man I could trust with anything. A few months ago I decided enough was enough. I was tired of withholding a part of me from my husband, so we decided to act.

We started with toys, to gradually get me used to having that area touched and manipulated again. In these little play sessions Daniel was tender, slow and loving, and there always seemed to be a lot of laughter. Finally, a few weekends ago, I was so turned on I told him to slowly go for it...and he did. It was the hottest sexual experience I have had in a life full of sexual experiences. After we finished we held each other , laughed and talked well into the morning. It was magical.

I am grateful for Daniel's loving patience and forbearance during my healing process..Thank you Baby.

Coffee, croussant, and my uncle.

I am sitting here rested after getting up at 7am, instead of getting ready for bed. My parents made a rare 2 night stay to go see my uncle in Kingsport, TN, for quintuple bypass surgery. Bud has been one of the few stationary male members of my family; he and my maternal aunt Marilyn have been married since 1967. It was so hard to watch Marilyn yesterday, seeing her worry beside the bed of a husband she has had 39 years. I have sat that watch myself, and it hurt to watch. I couldn't even bring myself to go into ICU to see him with his ventilator and wires everywhere. Too many bad memories.

More bad memories to ponder on the drive home to Pikeville. My mother and I discussed her parenting skills, or lack of them ( in her opinion!!!). What had brought up the conversation was watching my cousin Dawn with her two little boys, ages 3 and 18 months. The boys were tired, hungry, cranky, whiny, and both threw a fit at the end of the evening. Dawn, who is also 7 months pregnant with her third boy, showed stress but never lost her composure. The discussion in the car on the way home went from me doubting my ability to be a parent to 3 children under the age of 5, to my mother's parenting skills. She had so many regrets, and she shouldn't have. It was not her fault my dad was a low life scum who wasn't man enough to help raise the children he fathered. She did what any single mother does: she did the best she could with what she had. Yes my sister and I have issues from childhood, but they are issues she in no way made worse from her parenting. She raised 2 daughters who got really good grades (my sister was 3rd in her class, I was in the top 10%), didn't get pregnant, and went on to live decent lives. You can't do better as a parent that turn out functional members of society. I hope and pray when and if my time comes to carry on the gene pool I can do as well.

As for my uncle, at 8am this morning, had been removed from the respirator, has sat up, and has done a short walk. His prognosis is excellent..Thank the Goddess.

Friday, September 15, 2006

Happy Birthday Sis

Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday to you,
Happy Birthday dear Samantha,( the lil sis that strangers think is the older of us 2 hehe)
Happy Birthday to you!!!!!

Samantha is 33 today. You could not find two sisters more different in the world than us. She is a cost accountant for a big auto parts company. I am a housewife-artist-free spirit.
We share a set of parents, upbringing, and looks, and that's about it. It took us a long time to develop a friendship, since our family got a great deal of sadistic glee out of pitting us against each other in high school. After we both moved away from home, we were able to work on a friendship.

I can tell you the exact day we became friends on top of being sisters. Sam picked me up at Cincinnati airport in 1998, for our aunt's funeral. We drove 3 hours to get from Cincy to Inez, and in that time we finally got over all the crap from childhood and bonded. We talked about our childhoods, the abuse, the way we dealt with it differently (I withdrew, she acted out). We talked about our marriages and children and our aunt. I will never forget that drive.

Saturday, September 09, 2006

An idea whos Time has come..

Madrid bans too-thin models from catwalk --AFP
"MADRID (AFP) - Excessively skinny fashion models will be barred from a major Madrid fashion show later this month for fear they could send the wrong message to young
Spanish girls, local media reported.

Madrid's regional government, which is co-financing the Pasarela Cibeles, has vetoed around a third of the models who took part in last year's show because they weigh too little.

The authorities collaborated with a Spanish health organisation to come up with a minimum body mass -- a height-weight ratio -- of 18 for the models.

Spanish daily ABC said it was the first time such restrictions had been imposed on a fashion show, although a recent wedding dress exhibition in Barcelona banned fashion models who took a dress size below 38 (British size 10, US size eight).

Several models at last year's show provoked a row when they claimed their careers would be under threat if they put on weight.

Organisers said they wanted to "help ensure public opinion does not associate fashion, and fashion shows in particular, with an increase in anorexia, a disease which, along with bulimia, is considered ... as a mental and behavioural problem'.

This is refreshing. I LOATHE the fashion industry. Yes I like cool clothes and shoes as much as the next woman. Also, I am realistic about my size. I have never been below a size 14 in my adult life, and never think I will. Yet, every fucking fashion magazine I pick up has women at least a size 4 (and that's generous) and below between its cover. I can't relate to these women, and the designers do not make haute couture or pret a porte in my size. So even if I could afford the damn clothes, I couldn't wear them. The fact that at least one of the major fashion shows is cracking down is a breath of fresh air. I just wonder where they found models big enough.

4 years...Letter to a dead man

Hello Honey,
You want to know something funny? I almost forgot this anniversary of your death. I was cleaning house, dealing with new meds, and getting ready to spend the weekend at the new in-laws, and it dawned on me. This past year I remarried, as you told me to. Daniel is an incredible man. You would like him, after being jealous, lol. I haven't talked to lil' John and Martha for over a year, or seen the kids. Sam and Charles and Rhea are thriving, despite Charles' health problems. I invited your brothers and sisters to the wedding, but didn't expect them to come. It would have been painful for them, but I thought it was the right thing to do. I am still cross stitching, and slowly planning to start painting again. I still have the easel you bought me for Yule. We are trying to have a baby, Daniel and I, and I don't know what you would think about that. we tried to have one, I know, but something just didn't connect. Intercede to the Goddess for me, John, so I can have a healthy baby, ok?
I love you always,

Thursday, September 07, 2006

Primetime special on Swinging

I watched the special Primetime had on ABC about swinging. John Stossel is a good reporter, but his methods of asking the questions, condescending and judgemental, annoyed me. Yes, he asked the normal questions about swinging in a manner any outsider would ask them. Yet, there was so much that was left unsaid. They didn't mention that this lifestyle is normally more about having a group of friends in the lifestyle that you happen to play with, than it is being on the prowl for new strangers to fuck. I happen to LOATHE first time encounters with new people. Daniel and I see it as having a committed circle of friends-with-benefits. These same friends did as much to help us set up for our wedding as family did. And that's how we see them: as family.

As for the couples' therapists that saw swinging as damaging to a marriage, I have this to say: I consider trust to be the biggest part of my marriage. I have had previous relationships ruined by cheating. I would rather be open with the fact that we are both human and attracted to other people, than feeling the need to lie to ourselves and cheat.
One person cannot be all things to their spouse. Its a matter of respect that we give each other the freedom to grow.

The one thing I am glad Primetime showed is that all Swingers are NOT model types. Swingers come from all walks of life, in all shapes, sizes, and socio-economic levels. The couples they interviewed were respectable, fully contributing members of society. Not every body type appeals to all people, and The Lifestyle has all kinds.

I believe that Swingers have a more progressive life view than others. We realize that monogamy does not work to keep marriages solvent most times. The fact that more couples, otherwise known as "normal" to the outside world, are realizing this and opening up their relationships is a positive thing. Primetime was a good first step, but the media needs more positive programming to show this.

Answer to a common question

We have a friend we know locally that Daniel has been wanting to play with. I'll call her M. M posted an email to our MySpace account asking us about Swinging, and how we handled jealousy. Daniel, the prolific writer, wrote a huge email to her, and I enclosed my own 2 cents. Here they are:

"Hi Melissa,
Daniel told me about your question about jealousy. Yes,
sometimes I do get a little jealous. However, I consider
jealousy my problem, not his. If I get jealous of someone,
that's my insecurity coming through. When I feel a little
jealous, its normally caused by me not feeling good about
myself, and comparing myself to the other woman. It has
nothing to do with him. I respect him, love him with all of my
heart, and know that my trust in him and our marriage will
never be betrayed.

Mostly, I really enjoy seeing him have sex with other women. I
know how good in bed he is, and it gives me a sense of
fiendish delight in thinking, "Yes, this man is the hottest thing
in this room, and he's coming home with me!" I have a sense
of pride in being his wife, and it turns me on thinking I get the
lion's share of his skills, LOL. I hope this helps, and if you
have anymore questions, just let Daniel or I know.