Monday, September 19, 2005

Communication breakdown Saturday night part 2

We had a swing party in Prestonsburg, Ky this weekend for our club. Daniel was hosting his first party, and I was bartending/representing the owner of the club. I was tired and miserably sick from both the withdrawal from Wellbutrin and the fibromyalgia. However, I am proud to the point of stupidity, so I tried to show as little of this as possible. Most of the day I had been getting rumblings that this would be the night Daniel would propose to me. We had the ring already, and most of our friends were there to begin with. Made sense to me. Daniel, sometime that afternoon, told me that a lady he had played with at Rocker's was coming up to the party, intending ONLY to play with him. Remember the previous post about gut feelings about women who have the capability to go nutso? The sirens were screaming loud for this one. Did I tell Daniel my fears? No, because I had no proof; she had always been nice but kind of cool to me, and she is married. So I generally assumed( never do this PLEASE), that since he was going to play he wasn't going to propose to me. Now I don't know why I felt so strongly about wanting him not to play the night he proposed. I was wacky from the withdrawal, and had a crazy-stupid romantic notion that the one night he proposed he wouldn't want anyone but me. So I was already disappointed and hurt before the party even started. Did I show it-no. Did I tell him my expectations-no. Like I said, I'm proud to the point of stupid.
The party started pretty well. I was stressed from trying to get the bar organized, but not overly so. Most everybody knew of my med situation, and were trying to keep me relaxed. The aforementioned lady showed up when Daniel had left for awhile, and though she was nice to me and I was nice to her, the alarm bells were screeching. Daniel got back and was playing host and talking, of course paying attention to her. I ignored the screeching and tended bar, but the projectile hissy fit was building. Daniel was showing my engagement ring to everyone, and it hit me hard that he just might propose to me, and he still wanted to play, with her. Ouch, big time. I was on the edge of maintaining my fragile emotional state. LOL it didn't last.