Monday, July 25, 2005

The spell is broken..and its a good thing

I know it has been a long while since I have posted. This summer has been hot and hectic and monumental.
My pentacle broke away Saturday night. Ok a down and dirty lesson in magical items: they have a power all their own. When the reason for them being there is gone, they too will move on. When the chain breaks, the pentacle no longer wants to be worn. My husband's pentacle ( a pentacle is a 5 pointed star within a circle, one point up, worn around the neck, normally made out of sterling silver), which was hanging on his bed rail, disappeared 2 days before he died. It was the ultimate sign of his oncoming death. Thus, when he did draw his last breaths, my pentacle was on his heart to feel it's last beat. That pentacle has been around my neck for 6 years, only being removed for the most dire of reasons. It held John's essence, and his protection. It was the last remaining thing from that previous life I still actively wore. On Saturday afternoon, the chain snapped and fell beside me on the bed.
I cried for an hour, out of so many emotions: grief, fear, and loss mixed with unfathomable joy and renewal. John's pentacle, the one he had custom made for me, had decided it's purpose was done. All the lessons that needed to be learned from his life and death have been completed. I can now remarry and have children with absolutely no remorse. This means I get a new pentacle to represent the new life before me, purchased by the man who will be the biggest part of my life in the next stage. I didn't have to explain any of this to Daniel, he was overjoyed when I told him and he knew exactly what he needed to do. This new pentacle will be more important to me than an engagement ring, because even though Daniel is a Christian now, he knows its meaning and importance behind the pentacle and respects it.
I will still miss the man that pentacle represented, and the life I had and could have had. But the new life and the future is what's important.