Thursday, June 02, 2005

The Truth

I love epiphanies, especially when they hit you like a brick. I came to several realizations about my life tonight and who I truly am. I am a whore. I am fat; I am ugly. I have no artistic talent whatsoever. I'm lazy. I'm stupid. I'm poor. I will never amount to anything. I'm useless. I made my husband suffer the last week of his life cause I am selfish. I care only for myself. I'm am sitting in shithole of an apartment in Lexington KY realizing I am a complete waste of oxygen. Why I am even here on this planet in the first place is a mystery.
The only absolutes I have left in this world is this: I have a man who is wonderful and loves me. I have a mother and sister who love me. I have friends who love me. I have a Goddess who loves me. And maybe, if I can never love myself, they will teach me how.


KR said...

If you believe those things about yourself, you will make them real. What you will comes to pass. If you practice wicca, you know this.

La Belle Heaulmiere by Rodin is perhaps the most beautiful statue I have ever seen, and right behind it, the Fallen Caryatid. And yet, many find them hideous and grotesque.

Beauty, I am told, comes from within. I am reminded this when I tell people that I am not beautiful, that I am overweight, that my feet are too big and my nose too freckled. I am fortunate to be loved by people who see the flaws within more readily that without, and love me anyway. But then... aren't we all fortunate in that?