Sunday, February 12, 2006


Some probably would think I've given up the blog. Not true! I have been ill lately. My fibromyalgia has been acting up. I believe I've told you all about this before, but as a refresher:

-First, you begin not to sleep well. Mostly this is chronic but controllable to greater and lesser degrees.
-Then, your muscles begin to hurt, because you aren't getting a recuperative sleep.
-Next, the pain becomes so bad you cannot do daily activities. You actually don't feel like moving at all.
-No exercise= the pain gets worse. You get depressed because you cant do the things you want or used to do.
-And because you are depressed, your sleep gets worse......thus the vicious cycle begins again until one spins out of control.

And I have reached that point. This week has been pretty hellish, and has been building for about a month now. The only way to break the cycle is to up the antidepressant. That will break the depression and fatigue, making me feel the energy to exercise, allowing me to fatigue my muscles the
natural way, thus causing a deeper sleep. The cycle breaks, and I become a functioning member of society again. The last time I maxed my wellbutrin XL, I had so much energy I became a runner. I really miss having the energy to run, and paint, and even do the most normal things. I want to volunteer at the local museum. I want to walk again. I want to start being an artist, and soon a wife.
Daniel has been a pillar of strength. There is really no way to tell him how bad this is, but he is patient and loving, the best thing I need.