Thursday, July 27, 2006

What I look like

Just in case anyone wanted to see what I look like:
This is Daniel and I after we cut the cake.
The second pic is my father and I walking down the isle.

Thursday, July 20, 2006


We have come to find out that Daniel will have a new job (same company) in a new area in a few weeks. Currently, he drives an hour and a half one way to get to work. The new job will add a extra half hour each way. So, in the best interest of keeping my husband sane, and our finances in the black, we have decided to move to West Virginia. We had a heads up about this a few weeks ago, but on the hearing the final decision, I had a full blown anxiety attack so bad that Daniel had to leave work to come home to settle me down (this will not become a regular occurrence!).

It's not that I hate West Virginia-on the contrary. There is plenty I love about WV. I went to college for 2 years at Marshal University in Huntington. Most of my college friends were from Charleston or northern WV, which is gorgeous. Most of West Virginia is highly underrated. My fear was about where we were moving: south central WV, more precisely the Logan area. Logan is a city of about 8500, and any city bigger is about an hours drive away. Its not the state per se, its the rural versus semi urban that is part of this region.

I love city life. The ability to walk to movies, concerts, museums, and such delights me. I love living in the middle of things. I lived right in the middle of several urban areas (Lexington, Portland, Savannah), and smaller tourist towns with lots packed into a small space (Jackson Hole, and Key West). It was heavenly. There is nothing worse than the feeling of being stranded in an area where you cant walk to anything. The Pikeville of my childhood wasn't this way, it has grown to be.

I felt these same feelings when I moved from Lexington to Pikeville. I happen to like Pikeville now. We have a mutually satisfying relationship. I want to make life easier on Daniel, he does so much and asks for so little in return. My anxiety attack was me worrying that I would go insane in such a small town. However, I have since calmed down into a more practical frame of mind. We will be close enough to Charleston and Huntington to see civilization on weekends. Daniel hates the rural as much as I do, so we will be able to escape as much as necessary.

I just hate the moving process. My dad was a wanderer, so was my first husband. I have lived in or traveled through 40 states. At one point I changed schools 3 times in one year. With my first husband, we got used to having all our worldly possessions pared down to 8 suitcases. I love to travel, I loathe to move residences. In my old age, I have become very resistant to change of residences. This is bad. Change is the norm, normalcy the exception. With help, I should make it through this change, and deal with my Cancer psyche wanting to cling to the same shell.

Friday, July 14, 2006

Thoughts on being 35

Last week, on July 9, I turned 35. We had a small swinger meet and greet and karaoke. I played, and enjoyed it. I kept thinking that I should be feeling one of two things: 1)euphoria that I made it to 35; or, 2) miserable as hell that I'm getting older. I felt neither. In fact, I felt rather blase about the whole thing.

I think I'm holding together pretty good, considering. I'm walking up to 35 minutes a day. Went to the doctor today and found out I lost 10lbs in 5 weeks...not bad. I have a gorgeous husband who adores me as I adore him. I wish I was doing more creative endeavors, but otherwise, I have no complaints nor regrets.

I actually like my age. All my older women friends still have it going on well past their mid-fifties. There's actually a sense of relief in some strange way. It seemed like from 18-34, I was working very hard to please my male partners, my family, or society in general. Now I have this nifty feeling of only having to please myself. I've come to the realization that there are some things I wanted to do that I can't now (like be in the military), and I'm OK with it. I feel comfy in my own skin, finally.