Thursday, January 05, 2006

2005...A hopefully painless overview.

I', going to break this down to be as traumaless as possible:

Was in the process of being wooed by a very charismatic man, who talked me into doing things
I never would have done. Ended up having a very bad split from this man, internally, to which he still doesn't know the extent and depth of my loathing of him to this day. This man showed me exactly how dark and deep and complicated a mindfuck could delve. I became an escort, to try to augment my small income, and push the boundaries of how far I would let my mind and body go . I met a lot of interesting people along the way, and learned a great deal about the psyche of men (to their detriment LOL). I had a thoroughly extreme cleansing of my heart, opening it up to better love, that I didn't know was so close.

I met Daniel. I let him into my world, the beauty and the ugliness and the depravity. He understood. I began to walk a road with him, one that leads us both the same direction. I found out that, for the first time in many years, what it was to feel real love again, with all the fear and giddiness. I got accepted to the school of my dreams, and began to plan a move to Savannah, GA.

I changed legitimate jobs, to a much less stressful part of UK. Had a very memorable 4th of July, when old illusions crumbled, and dreams died. And yet, new ones emerged at the same time. Daniel and I realized we could no longer go living apart. I all but ended being an escort. The third anniversary of my husband's death came and went uneventfully, for the first time.

On Oct. 15, for only the third time in my life, a man got on his knees and asked me to marry him. For only the second time, I said Yes. The plan to move Daniel to Lexington crumbled last minute. So, I took a very big psychological plunge, and decided to move to Pikeville and Eastern Kentucky, the area where I began. I changed my life. I became a housewife. I cut most of the ties I had made after John's death. And like a phoenix ( that gained 20 pounds) I rose to meet the new challenges of a new life with a man I'm not really worthy of, but deeply grateful for loving.