Wedding Rant 1--Dress delusions

I don't know when the the modern American Woman would lose this mania about being princess brides, but dammit I wish it would end soon. I would like to remind my long suffering readers one thing, especially the ones who have never met me in person: I am 34 years old, been married once before, and am not a small woman. Thus, I will look pretty frigging ridiculous in a wedding dress that looks like this huge frou frou nightmare. You have all seen them: strapless bodice and zaftig puffy swirling skirts. The ballgown nightmares. These dresses are meant for the 22 year old first timers with grandeur issues. Hells bells, all I want is a dress that is sexy, flattering, and has some color on it. Is that so much to ask for? Apparently so.

Freewill Astrology-week of Oct. 27

FREE WILL ASTROLOGY
Week beginning October 27
Copyright 2005 by Rob Brezsny
http://www.freewillastrology.com
Grammar key: Asterisks equal *italics*

ARIES (March 21-April 19): Some of the most confounding enigmas about
the human condition might be explained if the theory of reincarnation
were valid. I invite you to spend the next week trying it on for size.
There's no need to become a true believer. Just experiment with the
possibility. Imagine that you've lived many times before and will
return to Earth in fresh bodies in future centuries. How might a belief
in your own immortality change the way you live from day to day?
Analyze your recurring dreams, your curious obsessions, and your
favorite historical eras for clues to other identities you may have
inhabited these last 10,000 years. Halloween costume suggestion: the
person you were in a previous incarnation.

TAURUS (April 20-May 20): Astronomers have recently discovered four
objects beyond the orbit of Pluto that might be considered planets.
Only one, Sedna, has a formal name thus far. While awaiting their
official designation from the International Astronomical Union, the
others are being referred to as Santa, Easterbunny, and Xena (as in
TV's "Warrior Princess"). According to my meditations, these three are
in cahoots with the sign of the Bull right now, meaning that you might
have maximum success if you blend the qualities inherent in their
archetypes. So be fiercely generous, Taurus. Unleash your instinctual
fertility. Fight hard for abundance. Celebrate strong versions of the
feminine. Draw inspiration from playful myths. Halloween costume
suggestions: Ninja Santa, Xena Claus, Samurai Easter Bunny.

GEMINI (May 21-June 20): In Greek mythology, Achilles was a great
warrior who, through magic, became almost completely impervious to
injury. When he was a baby, his mother dipped him upside-down into the
River Styx, making him superhuman except in the one part of his body
that did not get immersed: his heel, by which his mom held him. To this
day, the term "Achilles heel" refers to a person's unique vulnerability
or weakness. Pay special attention to your personal Achilles heel in
the coming weeks, Gemini. Take vigorous measures to heal, protect, and
strengthen it. Halloween costume suggestions: Achilles wearing armored
boots or Athena shod with platform shoes that resemble small army
tanks.

CANCER (June 21-July 22): According to an old Tibetan saying, "It is
better to live one year in the life of a tiger than 100 years in the
life of a sheep." I'm not saying you're a sheep, Cancerian, but I do
believe you haven't allowed yourself to enjoy nearly enough experiences
as a tiger. It so happens that it's a perfect astrological time to make
up for lost time. May I suggest that you turn into the human equivalent
of a big, fast, wild feline? Halloween costume recommendations: tiger,
panther, leopard, lion.

LEO (July 23-Aug. 22): The old days and old ways are still subtly
influencing every move you make, both for better and for worse. I urge
you, therefore, to revisit the life you left behind and try to recall
the language you used to speak back then. Find out if there's
unfinished business that's preventing you from claiming the freedom you
need in order to pursue a future dream. Halloween costume suggestions:
a time traveler, a ghost buster, an Indiana Jones-like adventurer in
quest of ancient treasure.

VIRGO (Aug. 23-Sept. 22): "There are nine different words in Maya for
the color blue, but just three Spanish translations," wrote Earl
Shorris in *Harper's,* "leaving six butterflies that can be seen only
by the Maya." This idea suggests two important implications that you
should take to heart in the coming weeks. First, the words you use can
actually shape your perceptions. Second, as your vocabulary expands,
you become aware of aspects of reality that have been hidden from you,
and you develop a greater capacity to distinguish between experiences
that are superficially alike. Halloween costume suggestion: a butterfly
colored nine different shades of blue.

LIBRA (Sept. 23-Oct. 22): Even though Americans comprise five percent
of the world's population, they use one-third of its resources and
generate half of its hazardous waste. Canadians, Australians, and New
Zealanders are a little less extravagant, but not so much that they can
brag. Profligacy on this scale is not only terrible for the planet and
our descendants, but also bad for the perpetrators. Your first
assignment this week, Libra, is to identify ways in which you
personally participate in this greed and excess. Your second assignment
is to analyze how it might be damaging to your mental and physical
health. Your third task: Do something about it! You now have an
unusually high potential for drawing deep satisfaction from simple,
inexpensive pleasures. Halloween costume suggestions: monk, nun,
garbage collector, Greenpeace activist.

SCORPIO (Oct. 23-Nov. 21): I was sitting in the dingy restaurant of a
bus station in Washington, D.C. A burned-out speed freak at the next
table looked at me with a lunatic smile and said, "I'm King of the
Universe. I don't know what the hell I'm doing in a place like this."
The dude was obviously not a Scorpio, because you Scorpios rarely
suffer from delusions about your own excellence. You may imagine you're
*worse* than you really are, but not the reverse. According to my
reading of the astrological omens, then, your growing confidence in
your own capacities is almost certainly based on objective truth.
Halloween costume suggestion: King or Queen of the Universe.

SAGITTARIUS (Nov. 22-Dec. 21): Every one of us has a monstrous side--a
part of the psyche that snarls and bites, that's ugly and irrational,
that is motivated by ill will and twisted passions. That's the bad
news. The good news is that you're in a phase when you have exceptional
power to soothe and pacify the beast within you. Your first step, in my
opinion, should be to get it to express its preternatural vigor in a
safe setting where it can't hurt anyone, not even you. That's why I
suggest you encourage it to dance. Put on music it likes, give it a
wide berth, and let it flail and careen and whirl until it has vented
all of its aggression. Halloween costume suggestion: your inner
monster.

CAPRICORN (Dec. 22-Jan. 19): "Happy the person who can endure both the
highest and the lowest fortune," said the Roman writer and orator
Seneca. "He who weathers such vicissitudes with equanimity has deprived
misfortune of its power." According to my analysis of the astrological
omens, Capricorn, you are currently having an encounter with the first
thing mentioned in Seneca's formula--the highest fortune. May you
navigate your way through this phase of lucky abundance without falling
victim to arrogance, carelessness, or insensitivity. Halloween costume
suggestion: a lottery winner doling out gifts.

AQUARIUS (Jan. 20-Feb. 18): "Any serious writer hopes that the best of
his or her product will contribute to the larger store of hope that has
continually been accruing in this form, the written word, since the
dawn of literate civilization," wrote Dennis Holt in his newsletter,
"Operation Green Candle." "Good writing is hopeful," he concluded. Your
next assignment is inspired by this theory, Aquarius. Whatever your
special talents are, act as if you have a duty to use them to inspire
hope--to feed people's dreams, engender visions of glorious
possibilities, and honor everything that's working really well.
Halloween costume suggestions: Johnny Appleseed, Oprah, Mahatma Gandhi,
Martin Luther King Jr., Helen Keller.

PISCES (Feb. 19-March 20): In *The Mastery of Awareness,* Kristopher
Raphael writes that the old Toltec word *mitote* was used to describe a
chaotic marketplace where scores of people jabber at each other without
listening. He says the same term also referred to the state of the
average person's mind: a multitude of voices with different agendas,
each promoting its own desires while barely acknowledging the others.
If you are even partially caught in the throes of this kind of
*mitote,* Pisces, it's an excellent time to take corrective action. I
suggest you convene a summit meeting of all your various selves. Give
each a respectful hearing, and find a goal or two they can all agree
on. Halloween costume suggestion: Be Siamese twins (or triplets), with
each character embodying one of your subpersonalities.

Tidal surge lapping against my memories

I have been looking at the pictures online in a growing state of horror. The whole island of Key West is flooded. My old neighborhood near the Casa Marina (http://www.casamarinakeywest.com/) was about chest deep in water. Hurricane Wilma, doing exactly what was forecast, brought about the expected results. Duval Street is knee deep in gulf waves. Truman Avenue is awash, as well as Kennedy. The airport is floating away. The Conchs, natives of Key West, are too damn stubborn to leave. There will probably be no Fantasy Fest this year. I was crushed when New Orleans was devastated, but, Sweet Merciful Goddess, Key West too? Humanity is doing its best to destroy this planet with our foul waters, poisoned air. Anybody stop to consider Mother Earth is PISSED!?! I have no doubts that Key West will renew herself, she always does. But this planet, that's another question.

A list of links:

www.keysnews.com
www.RedCross.org
http://keywest.com/map1.html

http://www.liveduvalstreet.com/crowdcam.htm
what Duval Street looks like real time

A course correction..

This will probably come as a complete shock: instead of Daniel moving to Lexington, I will be moving to Pikeville, as of Nov. 2005. Hey, nobody is more surprised than I am. I long time ago, during a more hurtful time, I *swore* I would never live in Eastern Kentucky EVER AGAIN!!!!. That was 1995, and 10 years can transform a person.

It happened like this. We sat down and took a hard look at our budget, Lexington v/s Pikeville. Together in Lexington, our combined pay would be 1800 a month. In Pikeville, Daniel's pay is easily 3000, by himself. So I decided, after some long thinking, that maybe I would be better off in Pikeville. Yes, there is a downside. I cant drive, so until I do I will be stuck at home while Daniel works (2nd shift). Even though Pikeville is now a thriving metropolis compared to what it used to be, it isn't as big as Lexington. No walking to the Dame for concerts. No Kentucky Theatre for artys fartsy movies. And, since I wont be able to work outside of the house until I can drive, no outside money. Daniel will be supporting me, and that may be a bit tough for my pride to handle.

The pluses; I will be with Daniel, and Ill be able to try to be a painter full time. I am actually going to be able to hang the moniker Artist beside my name. Daniel is willing to support me, to let me try. I am thrilled and scared to death. I have no excuses to to be what I've always wanted to be. I am also going to try to start a eBay business, selling things for other people. I will be a scarily independent woman.

LOL a reminder

Remember, long suffering readers, the post I did in early April about a certain guy that I was scared of then and engaged to now? I thought Id repost that first post for shits and giggles.


"Sunday, April 10, 2005
Daniel
YIKES!!!

I'm having a full blown, Danger Will Robinson moment. I went to a swing party in Prestonsburg, KY this weekend to bartend and play. I have decided not to do the second job during swing parties. It was suggested to me by a wise reader that I needed to have a spiritual-sexual outlet, and the swing parties will be it. So Mr. Cool, shackup, and myself got to Jenny Wiley State Park
(http://parks.ky.gov/jwiley2.htm) around 7 ish to met up with our friends who were hosting the party. Mr. Cool had rented a cabin beside theirs so the party could overflow one to the other. Anyway, we walked in and along with our friends there was a local there who was interested in the group: Daniel. He was, at first look, about my age, 5'9ish, dark hair and eyes. I was looking at him and warning bells started ringing, which I took note of but didn't really listen to. We started talking about computers, which snowballed to witchcraft (He had studied it) and books (we ended up having read the same obscure ones). More alarm bells, and more dismissal of them. He ended up getting stuck behind some parked cars and stayed talking to 3am. The next day I went hiking with more friends, but kept thinking about him. I decided if I played, he was going to be it. Daniel had another party so he didn't show up until later that night. As for the party, I bartened for tips, had lots of guys flirt. It was a good time. Then he walked through the door about midnight. I made it a point to close the bar at 12:30. There was another guy wanting to play with me, but he had been with 3 others in the space of 5 hours, so I wasn't interested. This guy persisted, so I caught Daniel in the bathroom and asked if he wanted to meet me outside to go to the other cabin and play. He agreed to my delight, and we went to the other cabin.

Now long-suffering readers will remember the incredibly good time I had at the Valentine's day dance with Tyler. Daniel turned into being a million times better. I was in heaven for 2 hours. Then we ended up at the other cabin with a room to ourselves, and ended up collapsing at 6 am. He was loving and kind and there was a chemistry there I hadn't felt in a LONG TIME, hence the warning alarms. I have been home about an hour and already got a quick note from him. He doesn't know that I'm an escort. He lives in John's Creek, 3 hours away from me. There are so many many ways this could kick the shit out of my heart. Daniel is the first guy I have had this feeling about in a long long time. All I can think is that he has the potential to turn my crazy world even more upside down. And yet....I am waiting for his IM feeling wistful: and ignoring those damn mental alarms:P"

ANNOUNCEMENT

It is with the greatest pleasure to annonce the engagement of
Zezrie to Daniel
that took place on Oct. 15, 2005.
The wedding will take place in April,
day and place has not been set yet.

The distant sound of "Dueling Banjos"........

I believe everyone who reads this knows I was born and raised in Eastern Kentucky. Inez, Ky to be exact, population 466 (SALUTE! {please forgive the HEE HAW references, but they are warranted}) One of my elderly great aunts, Elsie, passed away this weekend, and for the sake of my grandmother, I went to the funeral. Well to begin with, Elsie had 11 kids: 7 boys, 4 girls, all of varying common sense. The eldest, Earl, whose property Elsie' s late husband is buried on, has a beef with the rest of the family. So Saturday, when the male members of the family went up to dig the grave on what was believed to be the family cemetery, Earl and two of his sons met them with guns drawn, and kicked them off the property. Later that evening, when the rest of the family was trying to figure out where to bury Elsie, one of Earl's sons, accompanied by a girlfriend, came to the church. These two, apparently pretty damn stupid, started talking trash and promptly got their asses kicked as they were escorted off church property.

So, for Monday's funeral, tensions were high. Daniel, who also grew up in the Appalachian culture, was very nervous about me attending. Since there are so many in that branch of the family (yes, my family tree does branch, contrary to what this story illustrates) that do not recognize me, I wasn't worried about them shooting at a apparent stranger. I was concerned about keeping my grandmother, mother, sister/brother-in-law, and direct aunts and uncles safe. Well, as soon as we arrived at the church, we found out that a shootout had occurred already. One of the younger boys in that family, Carl D., had went to Earl's, for what reason we never found out, and it ended with guns blazing and Carl D. being led away in handcuffs by the KY state police. The officer was nice enough to bring Carl D. to the church right before the service started, with a packed house present, to let him say his goodbyes to his mother. This, in turn, made everyone in the church hysterical, begging the officer to let Carl D. stay for the funeral. Which, of course, he couldn't do.

I noticed tow very obvious things I hadn't really noticed before during the service: my grandmother's frailty and strength, and my own mother's fear. As of Elsie's passing, my grandmother became the oldest living of all her brothers and sisters (14 originally, 9 still remaining). She looked old to me, for the first time, and yet, she was still in better shape than two of her sisters Mary and Wilma. Mary is in a wheelchair after a stroke, Wilma has liver cancer. Even though I stood by my grandmother as she went to the casket, she was strong enough even in grief, to walk out of the church unassisted (this woman gave birth to 11 children, she has had to be tough). My mothers reaction surprised me. She held my hand during the service in what I can only describe as a death grip. She was gritting her teeth. She then noticed my stare and whispered simply that soon they would have to bury my grandmother this way. I think it was a very sudden revelation to my mother about her own mother's mortality. One day I will have to have the same epiphany, but not for some time yet I hope.

So the funeral went off without a hitch. The last snafu was that the funeral director insisted on a police escort to the gravesite (which ended up being in Elsie's own yard, a mile away from her husband's grave), police cover at the burial itself, and a police escort out of the holler. After all the shooting, the sheriff's department didn't see this as an unwise request and granted it. Because of the fear that the burial would be accompanied by shotguns, only two of her children and a few of her sisters were at the grave. My grandmother simply said it was time to tend to the living, so we went to cook an early supper at her house, then we rushed back to civilization.

Sigh, I know that these are my people and my blood, and I try not to judge them or put them down for their circumstances. It just makes me sad that this family has deteriorated to this base a level.

* One final note; the rest of Elsie's children have decided to get a court order to have Elsie's husband's body exhumed and transferred to be buried beside her. The argument is, rightly, that the whole family has a right to visit the body. Which means more gunfire when they go to dig poor Bill up. As for Carl D., he was arranged on charges of wanton endangerment and bailed out.
He is awaiting trial.

From The Paintsville (KY) Herald:
"Elsie Daniel1932-2005 Funeral services were held Monday, October 10, 1 p.m. at the Sulphur Springs United Baptist Church at Tomahawk, Ky., for Elsie Daniel, 73, of Tomahawk, Ky., who passed away Saturday, October 8 in Portsmouth, Ohio. Mrs. Daniel was born March 13, 1932 in Martin County, Ky., daughter of the late John C. and Janie Meade Mollette. She was also preceded in death by her husband, Willie Daniel. Surviving are seven sons, Earl, Jimmy, Willie Jr., John, and Caroll Daniel, all of Tomahawk, Ky., Truman Daniel of Lowmansville, Ky., and Tom Daniel of Inez, Ky.; four daughters, Virginia Preston of Paintsville, Ky., Jean Pridmore and Tammy Wallace, both of Louisa, Ky., and Pauline Harmon of Tomahawk, Ky.; seven sisters, Nada Williamson [my grandmother] and Coreen Preece, both of Inez, Ky., Gladys [long Polish name I cant pronounce either]of Detroit, Mich., Mary Armintrout of Indiana, Hester Francis of Columbus, Ohio, Wilma Moore of Tomahawk, Ky., and Maxine Marcum of Blaine, Ky.; two brothers, Clinton Mollette of Tomahawk, Ky., and Arland Mollette of Inez, Ky.; and 33 grandchildren and 18 great-grandchildren.The service was officiated by Riley Maynard, with burial in the Daniel Cemetery at Tomahawk, Ky.Arrangements under the direction of the Phelps & Son Funeral Home of Inez, Ky.

Cool Quote Alert!

"For one who is in the habit of constantly honoring and respecting the elders, four blessings increase-age, beauty, bliss, and strength."

-Dhammapada 109

Whole lotta news...

On this particular day I'm feeling wonky, so I'll do the updates in little snippets that are more chewable...:

*Instead of Daniel moving here, I am moving to Pikeville. We did the math and together in Lex we would be making 1800 a month. In Pikeville he makes close to 3000 a month. And, he loves his job there. Thus, I am moving there. I will have time to pursue the eBay business idea I have, plus the art business. The most important this is that I would be with Daniel, who I would follow into the 7 circles of Hell if I had to.

* I'm back on the meds. It was inevitable. I just quit functioning. So back to normalcy as I know it.

MOVING HELL

I think I stopped escorting at the worst possible time-right before a move. I am broke, terribly so. I need a new couch and bed, but I'm not getting them. We are trying to budget the best we can, but all these up front costs are killing me. I'm thinking of having a big ass yard sale, but no time. ARRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGHHHH!!! I have moved roughly 20 times in my adult life, and you would think Id be good at it by now. LOL