The end of my affair with Harry

Tonight at 12:01 AM, Daniel and I will be at Wal-Mart waiting to get 2 copies of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. However, I don't want to read mine right away. I don't want the love affair to end. I have been crazy about Harry since it came out in 1997. Each book marks a period of my own life as well. For example, the first birthday present Daniel ever got me was a copy of Half Blood Prince. I feel butterflies in my stomach, hoping that by reading the last book wont leave a feeling of disgust like watching the last Pirates of the Caribbean movie. I realize that this book wont please every fan, and has a big chance of breaking my heart. So, I'm letting Daniel read it first. It will cushion the blow.

Ehk...and some disconnected ramblings before bed

Ehk....that's the way I feel. I have no better word for it. Summer is half gone, and the next semester starts Aug. 13. I'm getting an A in my Psych class. I have been basically just lonely/bored/unfulfilled lately. Its no ones fault, just the way it is right now. Took a fertility test to determine if my ovary follicles were working, whatever the hell that means. To my utter shock...I'm fertile, at least in that one way. Daniel is doing much better, and is almost back to his old mischievous self. I haven't painted in awhile, I believe I'm stuck again. Shit.

Happy Birthday to me....late

So what, I'm 36. Ive not really accomplished much in the way of vocation, but I do have a sexy husband, loving family, and fun friends. Who could ask for more.
I have decided to get a tattoo to honor the next big section of my life, and Ill keep you posted on its status.

My current obsessions

Since it has been awhile since I have talked with you, there have been some new things come into my life that entertain me enormously.

• The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion-
  Daniel bought me my own xbox 360 so we could talk and play Burnout Revenge online and talk in the evenings. However, he made the mistake of introducing me to this game. Oblivion is the kind of RPG that you can play for months without even getting to the main quest, and is the most insidious waste of my time going right now.
• Marvel's Civil War Series- Marvel Comics decided to make all their superheros fight each other in a huge, multi comic series that is now out in graphic novel format. Yes I will have all 13 graphic novels by the end of this summer, just to see Tony Stark-Iron Man get his.
• Xbox 360 Uno Online- I actually have an Uno posse that I play with every day. Isn't that sad? This is the 2nd most insidious waste of my time.
• Movies: So far, Fantastic 4 Rise of the Silver Surfer has been the best. The latest Pirates of the Caribbean SUCKED...THE ENDING WAS THE FOULEST THING TO DO TO THE AUDIESNCE SINCE GHOST!!!!!!!!! However, I am holding hope out for Harry Potter and Transformers.
• Icky Thump-The White Stripes-Long suffering readers know my mythic obsession with Jack White and his music, and with this album he redeems himself in my eyes. This album is the most kick ass since De Stijl.

Future obsession: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows..This will be the total ruin of my summer.

Blog anniversary

Wow, this blog is 3 years old. I've never kept up a journal writing project this long! My live isn't that interesting anymore, but in many ways I'm grateful. I will keep this up as long as I'm allowed, so here's to another year-Cheers!

Fog and School

This summer looks like I'm going to be a crappy blogger. The whole theme of this month has been school and sleep-basically doing enough for both. We had a party this weekend that turned out spectacularly well, and our reps as having good parties is growing. I have an A in my psych class, but the fibrofog keeps me from remembering things a read an hour before. So, it looks like I'm going to try new meds, woohoo!!!!

Yes I'm here again

I apologize for the vacation from blogging. It just seemed that what I had to say I didn't want to share. Daniel is doing much better, almost his normal self. My first class down the nursing path is psychology, and it begins June 11.

I'm here.

I know I have been absent for awhile, and the blog seems to be perpetually changing lately. I guess I'm just trying to figure out the direction the blog, and maybe, my life is going. I have made the decision to try to become a nurse, something I have sworn for years I wouldn't do. I have finished the painting of Daniel, and and am drifting, trying to figure out what the next project will be. The fibro, as always, is kicking my but, and the lethargy has been particularly bad this week (especially after a bee sting on Monday, and the related epipen adventure that goes with it.) I was playing Elderscrolls Oblivion, until I realized that it was, and could in the future, take up too much of my time. Oh, did I mention the puter was out for a couple of days....

Daniel is worrying me to death. It seems that he has lost all interest in swinging, to the extent he is totally ambivalent about going to the parties this weekend. Work is wearing him down, and tonight he lashed out at me from nowhere. I cannot stay mad, because I wasn't behaving my best this weekend ( I cried almost all day Sunday). He ASKED me to make a doctor's appointment for him on Friday, when normally he has to be dragged to the doctor. He won't confide in me. I don't know whether or not to stay home this weekend and relax, or to go to the party. I admit I haven't been holding up my end in arranging play dates. I just hate to do it that way. I'd rather go to the party, have fun, and see what happens. He categorically said that if I was the only one he was going to end up playing with this weekend, he'd rather not go. I don't know what to do. Do I make him go, and have him resent it, or do I cancel the whole thing, and have him resent it.....

Back in the School Saddle

Well, I took a wild hair and decided to take some community college classes this fall for shits and giggles. I was accepted. LOL Daniel doesn't even know yet. The local CC is reasonably inexpensive, so I wanted to see if I could actually be a student again. If I do well, I might consider trying to get my AAS in nursing. I was a nurse to John for two years, so I have the care giving down pat. I know I swore I wouldn't care give again for love or money. I just feel I need the challenge, to see if my brain isn't completely dead. And, I would be able to support us if anything happened to Daniel (John is still in my brain as an example). I figured I might take as many as 10 credit hours, I'm not sure yet. I need a math class (after all these years!), a psych class, and an anatomy class to fill out the prereqs for their nursing program. We shall see.

My Sweetie's Funk

I have the good fortune to be with Daniel this week in WV. It's probably a good thing, since he's been really down lately. I don't know if its just a bored phase, depression, dissatisfaction, or a major existential funk.
There is no question he has been under some pressure lately. He's bored at work, it doesn't challenge him. He's also under the constant strain of a possible layoff. Daniel always seems to be under the impression that he doesn't make enough money, and that there never is enough money, but the fact is that he is a wonderful provider. He makes a good living, and we have a decent rainy day fund.
Daniel has also seemed to get this blase attitude about swinging as well. He hasn't been chatting with our friends at all, and he really doesn't care if he plays with anyone. He's just indifferent to a lot of things. There was a time I was indifferent to playing myself, but I have since recovered. Maybe Daniel just needs a break. I am really worried about him.

My Ass is sore....

..and not for a fun reason. I am fat, out of shape, and took a nice long ride on the new bicycle to the dentists. The same bike that needs adjustments. I don't know what I had more anxiety about, the dentist, or making it there alive. The ride home was better, but it decided to rain cats and dogs. As I was walking the bike up a large hill (because I was in no shape to ride it), I remembered being an in shape runner in the rain running straight up a hill like this a few years ago. I laughed and cried the rest of the way home.

Most sages state that the beginner's mind is the best way to be. But when you are a beginner again after being good at something, it sucks. It is both humiliating and demoralizing. So I just have to put my sore ass on the bike seat again until I'm good at it, again.

Beltane 2007

Blessed be! Beltane 2007 is full of hope and promise. I didn't sleep much because of the long ceremony. I basically prayed for a long and hopefully fruitful summer and harvest, no matter what was bearing fruit. Today ended up being 88 degrees and a beautiful day for the Sabbath.

In Remembrance

NEW BLOG LOOK

Well, how do you all like it?

Under construction

If you notice the site looking freaky, it's because I am working on it.
Z

Final Respect

This week the Veterans Administration has settled a lawsuit from 11 Wiccan families to allow the Wiccan pentacle to be placed on soldier's gravestones, either at any federal military cemetery, or private ones. Seeing as they allow 37 other religious symbols to be used, it is long overdue that the government allow pentacles. Wicca is one of the fastest growing religions in the country, and has been recognised by the military establishment for over two decades. Hopefully, this is just one more step in a direction where witches will no longer be pariahs, and where people of any faith can live in America without being disrespected in life because of the symbol they wear around their neck, or in death after honorable military service. If the soldier dies defending the constitution that allows freedom of religion, thats same soldier should have earned the right to have the pentacle on their gravestone.

Typical (for me) Monday

Daniel has left for another week, and I was supposed to go with him. However, after being home from the hospital for 1 day, my grandfather is back in the hospital with a possible stroke in Three Rivers Hospital. This time, it was so serious my mom and sister both took the day off work to go on a 3 hour drive to be with him. I am 2 hours away, and do not have a way there, and it would be a waste of time to be there. Daniel offered to stay home from work, but a bunch of people hovering over him would not help him. My grandmother is trying to get him transferred to Kings Daughter's hospital.

Offensive Friday...an ongoing series..Unicorns and Swinging

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The FAT RANT....A MUST SEE!!!

First, watch this:



I am fat woman. I weigh 275 (19 stone for the Brits). Even when I was a runner I never weighed less than 225. I have been beating the shit out of myself for my size. I have plenty of friends, and I am married to a very hot man. I used to have men pay me for sex, and I was sure as hell not a size 2. I am never short of partners at swing parties, many of them extremely attractive. I want to thank Joy Nash for preaching the gospel.

Do I seem this [insert adjective]..?

Daniel was talking to a friend at this weekend's aforementioned party who is a long time reader of this poor excuse for a blog. Our friend told Daniel that, from what he read in the blog, that I seemed trapped and miserable (MY INTERPRETATION OF WHAT WAS SAID).

I don't consider myself that at all. I do suffer from depression, but it's the chronic kind that I have had for most of my life. It's pretty well medicated, but there are a few hormonal or fibromyalgia induced misery days where I bitch about nothing in particular. Yes, I am alone a lot. Yes, I don't drive and don't go to a lot of places. Of course I get lonely. But, would I trade all this to go back to my previous life in Lexington where I was living a dangerous life on the edge that made me feel empty and used? Hell no. I chose to join my life to Daniel's, and I don't regret a thing. Besides, I'm getting a bicycle this weekend, the weather has warmed up, and I can get out and volunteer or get a part time job somewhere. All is well.