Sexual astrology public service announcement

LOL This was just published on a friends site, and with his permission I post it here. Go ahead, see where you and your lover stands! PS...Im a cancer :P



Jan 21 - Feb 19
Ruling Planet: URANUS

The God of unexpected sexual twists and turns. Aquarians make much
better friends than lovers, but when a typical Aquarian gets some
bang-bang, it's more an intellectual experience than an emotional
one. Looks aren't important to Aquarians in a relationship, it's the
mind and spirit of a lover that turns Aquarius on.

They are very entertaining in bed and are probably the most
inventive of all the signs. Mental stimulation is more important to
them than physical, which means that pornography gets them hot!

Aquarians are impatient and like sex to be fast and satisfying. They
are very particular about hygiene and contraception and sleeping
around holds little interest for them.

FAVE POSITION
Mutual masturbation.

BEST SEX TOY
A Dildo. Whether gay, straight, male or female, Aquarians will have
some fun with this.

AQUARIUS MALE IN BED
He has amazing staying power in the sack. He can keep at it and
control himself for as long as it takes for YOU to finish! He's up
for anything too. Role playing, S&M, posing nude in the backyard at
5am. He's into 3somes, swinging or open relationships if YOU are
involved. He'll do that for fun, but YOU are the only love of his
life.

AQUARIUS FEMALE IN BED
She's looking for a lover who will be upfront with her, but until
she finds him, she will make do with whoever is available. LOVE
freaks her out. She likes keeping her emotions under tight control
and may come across as cold, but she's just protecting herself.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON AQUARIUS
Lie down as if you are top and tailing and gently tickle and
stroke the ankles and the calves. Don't tickle for giggles, but
tease. After awhile, do the same with your tongue. Lick up, down and
all around. Anywhere above the foot and below the knee is fair game.
Lightly nip the ankle of your Aquarian, they may laugh, but it's not
laughter from tickles, it's a release of tension that will most
definitely lead to some action!

PISCES
Feb 20 - March 20
Ruling Planet: NEPTUNE

The God in charge of delicious dreams, dangerous deceptions and
sexual fantasies Sexually speaking, Pisces is putty in your hands.
Anything you want, anything, is only a question away. If you're
looking for someone who will go the extra mile to discover all your
secret moan zones, then Pisces is for you!

When a typical Piscean makes out, it's an act of romance rather than
pure pleasure. Pisces is the sign of love itself. They are so
romantic and want satin sheets and candles, poetry and a full moon.
Music also gets them in the mood.

One of their least appetizing traits is their ability to become
very, very jealous. Sometimes they are so scared of losing the fairy-
tale romance that they ruin the happy ending themselves.

FAVE POSITION
Pisces is all about Oral affections!

BEST SEX TOY
A copy of the Kama Sutra, since your fish is into almost anything

PISCES MALE IN BED
He is romantic and has the reputation of being a womanizer. The
girlfriend of a Piscean man should keep her eye on the ball as he
can be a bit flighty.

But he does make an excellent lover. He's from the old school that
sex should be an almost out of body experience, and if he's
showering his attentions on you, you're in for a hell of a good ride!

PISCES FEMALE IN BED
She needs romance. It's the very air that she breathes. She needs to
be held gently and whispered sweet nothings to but when it comes to
between the sheets action, she's never happy doing the same ol',
same ol' when she knows there are more exciting options at hand.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON PISCES
The Pisces Zesty-zone is their feet! If you want to make Pisces your
Love Slave, start with a warm, scented footbath and soak their feet
for 10 minutes. Then sit in front of them, cross-legged, and rub
their feet firmly through the water. Use kneading motions that run
from their ankles to the tips of their toes. After 5 minutes, get a
scrub brush and clean their tootsies with lots of TLC, dry them off
and lightly massage peppermint oil all over their feet, paying close
attention to between their toes. Pisces REALLY gets off on this!
Once oiled up, gently kiss each toe, one by one.
Then let your tongue take over and you're in baby!!!

ARIES
March 21-April 20
Ruling Planet: MARS

The bonk now/think later God of War, aggression and action!
Sexually, Aries is an explosion waiting to happen! The
excitement is often in the chase more than the actual conquest
though and while they may appear to want to dominate, they do not
want a submissive partner. Routine brings boredom to sex for Aries,
so if you're only comfortable with the missionary position, go for
another sign, but if you like forceful personalities and enjoy
pretending you're a human Twistie, then you've found
paradise with an Aries.

FAVE POSITION
Always on top and always in charge

BEST SEX TOY
Handcuffs! Like I said, Aries likes to take charge!

ARIES MALE IN BED
The Aries male is loud, domineering and 100% stud! He's from
the bump n grind school of lovemaking so if you're looking for
romantic dinners by candlelight and long walks on the beach, keep
looking! He's the original 5-minute man so if you're turned on by
ultra-macho grunt-and-groaning types, you've just found your ticket
to heaven! He's not prone to cheat unless you bore him in bed and he
likes sex fast and furious baby!

ARIES FEMALE IN BED
She views sex as more of a physical act than something from a soppy
romance novel. If you're a bored exec and want to find out what it's
like to be treated like a piece of meat, then go for a one night
stand with an Aries chick. She'll be gone before you wake up and may
not remember your name the next time you meet. She's got a touch of
KINK to her personality so don't get freaked out when she talks
dirty or puts you over her knee for a spanking. She's all woman, but
are you man enough to handle her?

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON ARIES
If you want to seduce an Aries, running your fingers through their
hair is an awesome starting point! And licking and nibbling around
their face or neck will get them going too! Just be careful to keep
your saliva at bay. Drool is not cool!

TAURUS
April 21 - May 21
Ruling Planet: VENUS

The Goddess in charge of love, beauty and sex. Taureans are
ahead of the game when it comes to love coz they are ruled by VENUS,
the planet of Love! Taurus has all the qualities a lover desires,
including sensuality, loyalty and faithfulness. When a typical
Taurus makes love, it's the most physical and natural pleasure in
the world. They believe the romantic approach to sex almost always
pays off so they will happily cook dinner, buy flowers, and light
candles for someone they wanna bang. They don't like to rush things
and take everything, including sex, slowly.

FAVE POSITION
The one Taurus enjoys most is the Missionary. Some may say this is
so unadventurous, but Taurus is very practical and this is the most
comfortable.

BEST SEX TOY
A battery powered "erotic massager"

TAURUS MALE IN BED
The Taurean man needs a woman who will want to stay home to
eat and make love. He can be stubborn and is known to sulk like a
little boy, but he LOVES making up!! (Rrrrow!) He likes to take
things slow and gently and can last for hours,
always waiting for HER to finish before rolling over to sleep.

TAURUS FEMALE IN BED
She is great at back massages and sex in general. She makes an art
of lovemaking. Just kissing her can bring some men to the big "O".
Her touch is gentle and tender, it excites and caresses and when in
the mood, she too can go for hours at a time, days on end.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON TAURUS
There's nothing Taurus enjoys more than having their neck
kissed and their earlobes nibbled. Light, feathery caresses up and
down the neck followed by gentle licks, no biting, will make a
female writhe with delight and a male stand at attention within
seconds.

GEMINI
May 22 - June 21
Ruling Planet: MERCURY

The swiftest God in the skies, who also happens to be in charge of
ultra-extreme raunchy talk. Talking about sex is Gemini's favorite
hobby and doing it comes a close second. Gemini's love flirting and
lap up attention from the opposite sex, but sometimes that's all
they're looking for. They need a lot of variety when it comes to
sex - dirty weekends away, a quickie in a shop doorway, serious
groping under the table at a fancy restaurant. A lot of Gemini's are
bisexual too and can often be drawn to those of the same sex.

FAVE POSITION
As long as it's different every time, they're not fussy, but if they
must choose, it's that naughty number right after 68, since they can
come up for air if they need to.

BEST SEX TOY
Any illustrated book about kinky sex, so Gemini can pick up
some wild, new ideas.

GEMINI MALE IN BED
He likes to give AND receive and can be quite inventive. He's a
lights on, in front of the mirror kinda guy and if you make a few
subtle noises and talk a wee bit dirty, he'll be very happy.

GEMINI FEMALE IN BED
She is more interested in IQ than private parts. If she can't
respect the intellect, then satisfaction is not possible for her.
She may sleep around forever and never find her true love and she is
not the most faithful of the signs. She likes sex on the run, in an
airplane toilet, in the storeroom at work, in the backseat of a
car....

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON GEMINI
Focus on the shoulders, arms and legs of a Gemini and you're
headed for the good books. They love a good massage and their hands
are so sensitive that even having their fingernails played with
sends shivers up their spine! Kiss up and down each of your Gemini's
arms, sneak in a few licks, nips and nibbles. If you get one or two
yelps, then you know you're doing something right. Then, move onto
the fingers, slowly kiss, lick, nip and nibble each fingertip, then
pull out the killer move - suck on each finger, slowly, as if it's a
lollipop. I'll almost offer a money back guarantee on this one
working!

CANCER
June 22 - July 23
Ruling Planet: THE MOON

Which isn't a planet at all but the satellite responsible for this
water sign's many mood swings! Love and sex go together for Cancer.
They need to feel secure in love before they can relax in sex and
Cancer often feels a little bit guilty after doing the deed because
they usually associate sex with babies, especially the women, who
either get pregnant at the drop of a hat or take longer than usual.
All Cancers WANT to be parents! Cancers become sexually excited when
they feel secure. They are turned on by home cooked meals and
partners who love kids. In so many ways, Cancer is the dream partner!

FAVE POSITION
Any position that's comfortable and involves Cancer lying flat on
their back with all their sensitive areas exposed!

BEST SEX TOY
A drink or joint that will relax the overly-cautious crab!

CANCER MALE IN BED
He is a sensitive lover and will put his partner's needs before his
own. He has a tenderness about him that drives women wild! If the
Cancer guy decides he's in it for the long haul, he'll do whatever
it takes to keep his lover happy in and out of the bedroom. Oh, and
he's a BREAST man!!

CANCER FEMALE IN BED
She oozes sexiness and is born to mate!! Compliments and
kissing will win her over, so as you're nibbling on her ear,
whisper "you're so beautiful" to get her quivering. Perhaps the
Vincent (Big Brother) growl would work on a Cancer woman?

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON CANCER
Concentrate on the breasts and pecs of Cancer to really get
them going. Start by kissing and brushing up against them.
Licking the Cancer female's nipple through her top will excite her,
but don't 'dive right in' coz you're likely to scare her.

It's the complete opposite for the Cancer male who will LOVE it if
you get straight to the point. Squeeze his pecs and bite his bod and
you'll have him bouncing off the walls in no time!

LEO
July 24 - August 23
Ruling Planet: THE SUN

Which isn't a planet at all, but a star, and just like Leo's
opinion of themselves, it's the center of our solar system! Leos can
be very 'into themselves' when they bonk. It's not that they don't
make their partner feel special, it's just that they often forget
about them as they secretly high-five themselves for scoring again!
Leo does actually want more from a partner than just sex though. Leo
wants love and friendship too. They can be very romantic, but when
they get into bed, it's not an experience they're about to have,
it's a show!

They like to perform... and they take requests! "Doing it" is the
ultimate stress buster for Leo and they are pretty damn good at it,
but they need constant praise for their outstanding performance.

FAVE POSITION
Receiving 'oral affections', since Leo is all about getting
serviced!

BEST SEX TOY
A camera, or a game of Strip Poker will get the cat purring or
perhaps you can use them both together!

LEO MALE IN BED
You are the King of the Jungle and expect to be treated that way!
You are a good lover because you don't like to fail at anything. You
are sexy and have an aura of sexiness that is difficult to deny.
But, you will let anyone adore you, so your partner has to make the
effort or you will pad off to your next Lioness!!

LEO FEMALE IN BED
You are elegant and sexy without even trying. Men love you and women
want to be you. You like to play cat and mouse with men and command
respect. In bed, you are a real panther and can scare the pants off
most men. You adore raw sex, so your
partner should go with you and enjoy it. You're a once in a
lifetime experience!

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LEO
A Leo's 'moan zone' is his or her back. First of all, ask your Leo
to roll onto his/her tummy. Start with a gentle scratch that runs
from the top of the ass to the base of the skull. I'm not talking
about tender tickles or a tantalizing tease - I mean a REAL back
scratch, coz if there's one thing cats love, it's a scratch!

After a minute or so, get out the massage oil and spill it into a
snakey pattern on Leo's back. Then rub all over. Keep doing this
until you know Leo is ready to roll over. If they start falling
asleep, give them a gentle prod in a delicate place! Once Leo is
ready to roll over, don't let them! Leo will be excited by your
control. YOU decide when it's time to 'flip your feline' over and
get into the good stuff!

VIRGO
August 24 - September 23
Ruling Planet: Mercury

The God in charge of intellect and speed... but don't worry
because Virgo likes to take their time in the sack!! Virgos have two
sides to their personality. The Virgin and the Vixen. They may want
you to THINK they are all sweet and
virginal, but they are definitely NOT! However, Virgos are looking
for a long term partner, not a one night stand or an affair! They
tend to seduce with finesse, charm and subtlety so you may not even
realize you're being lured by a Virgo!! Once Virgo has been in a
relationship for awhile, they get engrossed in housework and things
like that, which can cause a serious dip in libido. Do NOT let this
happen! They are definitely more of a "can we cuddle instead" sign
that a 'let's get it on!' one when committed.

FAVE POSITION
Almost anything, as long as it involves eye contact!

BEST SEX TOY
It's more of a game. Write down five wild sex acts and put them in a
bowl. Get Virgo to pick one out at random, and then do what you're
told!! Virgo LOVES spontaneous sexuality!

VIRGO MALE IN BED
You can be quite boring at times because you have set views on how a
woman should be. You don't mean to criticize or offend, but your
perfectionist ways may drive your lover loopy! You DO have some
kinky ideas though, but it is difficult to get to the bottom of your
passion! You are a creature of habit, so if your lover can get you
into the habit of sleeping with her, who knows what might happen?

VIRGO FEMALE IN BED
You are hardworking and careful about your appearance, but you
really do fantasize about getting down and dirty! You are a secret
romantic and crave the perfect lover. Since the perfect lover
doesn't exist, you'll take what you can get! You are quite insecure
and need a partner who will adore you. You have strong passion
beneath that practical exterior and are just waiting for someone to
unearth it!

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON VIRGO
Virgo's have a VERY sexually sensitive tummy!! If you wanna
make them putty in your hands, stroke, lick and kiss their
stomach!! The area from the bellybutton DOWN! Once you have
them squirming, you can have anything you want!! Just
remember to keep one hand on their tummy at all times!!

LIBRA
September 24 - October 23
Ruling Planet: Venus

The planet in charge of beauty, love peace, and stirring
sensuality Libra is one of the sexiest signs in the zodiac, but if
Libra can't get what they want from one lover, they will opt for
two! They are notorious for having double standards in that
situation too. They'll look you in the eye and say "never cheat on
me, cuz I would never do it to you", even when they have a hot night
of passion planned with someone else! Librans are more turned
on 'giving' than 'receiving'. They have a big heart and are the
least
selfish sign of the Zodiac.

Libras are not very open about their thoughts or fantasies. They'd
rather say nothing than tell the truth and offend or embarrass you.
In bed, it takes a while for them to be comfortable enough to tell
you exactly what they want.

FAVE POSITION
As long as they are lying down, they're happy!

BEST SEX TOY
K.Y. Jelly. I will say no more!

LIBRA MALE IN BED
The Libra man sees sex as an exciting adventure and he'd be
very keen to do it in kinky places like a restaurant toilet! He
likes being a bad boy if there's a chance he might get caught. He'll
try out any fantasy you have, but whether or not you can keep a
tight hold on his heart remains to be seen. However, he can be a bit
of a pushover, and is perfect husband material, and he'd prefer his
lover to take the lead. He is romantic and considerate but may
suffer from Premature Ejaculation!

LIBRA FEMALE IN BED
The only thing that separates Libra men and women is what's
between their legs! Libra girl wants a strong man who
understands that she needs her individuality and freedom. She is
turned off by burping, farting, and bad breath.. Good personal
hygiene is crucial if you want to get to 2nd base. Librans are very
good at lying to get their own way. When your Libra girl groans in
bed, look into her eyes to make sure she's not 'faking it'.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON LIBRA
Libra's Love Zone is their lower back and butt, so please,
squeeze and pat your Libra's butt whenever you get a chance.
When you're kissing, reach under his or her top and stroke the lower
part of their back, starting in the middle and working your way down
to their butt. Take your time and be gentle! To really drive your
Libra wild? Have you ever heard of the term 'Rimming'??? Does it
surprise you that a high percentage of Libras are gay?

SCORPIO
October 24 - November 22
Ruling Planet: PLUTO

The Roman God of the dead, beginnings and endings. Which
basically means that Scorpios add novel differences to any
relationship. Scorpios are very possessive. They will tense up if
you even LOOK at another hottie across the room. But they can be
relied on to always be there for you if you need them. You may never
really know what your Scorpio is thinking though, because to them,
Knowledge is power and they are very good at putting on a straight
face to cover up any emotion they are feeling. Scorpios love sex.
The dirtier, the better. Get them excited by rvealing your filthiest
fantasy and offering to act it out.

FAVE POSITION:
Anything, as long as it involves dominating your ass.

BEST SEX TOY:
Ben Wah Balls for the girls, and a Riding Crop for the boys

SCORPIO MALE IN BED
His sexuality is so strong, it will make you dizzy!! If you are
lucky enough to be with a Scorpio boy, you will always be
satisfied!! There's a rumour that the Scorpio man is the most
skilled in bed. It's as true as a black man has a giant wang!!! Most
are pretty good!! The only thing you don't wanna do is piss him off.
Every little thing u do that he doesn't like, he will file away in
his little mental rolodex. Piss him off one too many times, and he
will wreak his revenge!!!

SCORPIO FEMALE IN BED
She may look like a quiet, shy girl, but in bed she is NOT! She is a
wildly passionate woman, who is DYNAMO is the bedroom. Just don't
piss her off either, cuz she can more vengeful than a Scorpio man,
and she has no problem causing a scene! Don't talk about other
women, or play hard to get, because she will get you back, and it's
a game of one-upmanship you will never win.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SCORPIO
Since this is one of the horniest signs, it makes sense that their
moan zone is between their legs! Then again, their big head (or
their mind) is just as easy to turn on. Talking dirty and teasing
your Scorpio will get them ready and randy in a flash!! Without
getting too graphic, the magic words for today are RUB, RUB, RUB.

SAGITTARIUS
November 23 - December 22
Ruling Planet: JUPITER

God of money, luck and good times between the sheets. Sagos are
playful, laid back and oh-so fun to party with. They are wild, and
may be the BADDEST party people you ever meet! One thing to be wary
of is that Sagos like to talk BULLSHIT! Don't believe everything
they tell you because they are kings at 'talking it up'. Sagos
probably make better friends than lovers, but if you happen to score
a one-nighter with them, be prepared to do stuff you've NEVER done
before! Sagos are spontaneous and adventurous and most have probably
been caught doing it somewhere public. When they find the right
lover, they will give it 100% as long as the commitment is returned.

FAVE POSITION:
They are up for anything. Quality AND Quantity.

BEST SEX TOY:
Handwrite a sexual fantasy of yours and leave it on their pillow.
You'll be surprised at what happens next!

SAGITTARIAN MALE IN BED
Even if he's fat, balding and middle aged, he can still pull the
chicks. It's his love and pursuit of happiness that draws the babes
to him. Think "Austin Powers" baby, yeah! He is a wee bit selfish
though, so be prepared for an "all about me" attitude in the sack.
He LOVES doing it, and if you start holding out on him, he's likely
to get it somewhere else. He will either amaze his partner with his
sexual expertise or be absolute trash in bed!

SAGITTARIAN FEMALE IN BED
The Sago woman is a handful! She changes her mind more
often than she shaves her armpits, is blunt, oversensitive and takes
offense at the strangest things. She's adventurous in the bedroom
and also has no problems cheating if her needs are not fulfilled.
But can u handle her open-minded sexuality? She will hide her
emotions from you, but don't make the mistake of hiding yours from
her. She's looking for someone she can trust 100%, but is quite
hypocritical since she can be very untrustworthy herself.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON SAGITTARIUS
Hips and thighs are extremely sensual for a Sago, so
concentrate on massaging and stroking that area and the place in
between! Don't be afraid to ask your Sago if you're doing it right
cuz they would LOVE to tell you! The best way to get them going is
to grope their inner thigh in a public place!

CAPRICORN
December 23 - January 20
Ruling Planet: SATURN

The God who oversees time, discipline and dedication, which
means Capricorn can go the distance - with major staying power - in
bed and beyond!! Capricorns are very good at hiding their emotions,
so it's often hard to tell when they are truly, deeply in love. If
you have a load of cash, you can almost bet on admiration from a
Capricorn because the goat is turned on by money. Like I said
before, Capricorn has great sexual stamina and the ability to go all
night if they want to!

FAVE POSITION:
Spooning! Goat boys and girls love to take, or be taken from
behind.

BEST SEX TOY:
An office desk to "bond" on, or an erotic video will loosen up the
randy goat.

CAPRICORN MALE IN BED
Imagination isn't a strong suit for Capricorn so don't expect
acrobatics in the sack. Sex with him could possibly be as boring as
watching paint dry and he tends to be a little bit selfish in that
area too. BUT you can definitely count on him to be faithful if he
has committed to you.

CAPRICORN FEMALE IN BED
She is strong and confident and likes to run the show! She's a tough
nut to crack but once inside her shell, she's as sweet as caramel.
Her fave position may be missionary, but she seeks excitement in new
locations, so experiment with different venues to keep it
interesting.

THE BEST WAY TO TURN ON CAPRICORN
Capricorns are the most anal signs of the zodiac, so buttering them
up will take a bit of effort. Believe it or not, their erotic area
is the knees! Lightly stroke their legs, paying close attention to
the knee region. Licking, kissing, and nibbling the area will get
them squirming.

The NEWS

I was lying in bed with Daniel on Wednesday when the phone rang, about 4:45 PM. I looked at the caller ID and this is what it said: SCAD. I had to answer it. The caller answered like this,"Hi Ms. (my name removed to protect), this is {} from Savannah College of Art and Design. I just wanted to congratulate you in case you haven't received your acceptance letter yet......" I don't remember much more about the call. The feeling of stupefied disbelief was just too much to bear. I just began to cry. My lifelong dream of attending SCAD had come true. How the hell I got accepted is beyond me. My college grades have been uneven at best. But now, here I am, accepted to one of the best art school in the nation and now paying for it is the only thing standing in my way.

Long long week

I have had a pretty eventful week. Daniel came down Wednesday and we did the whole Star Wars blitz: the midnight showing at the average Lexington Green cinema, and the 6:30 the next day showing at the stellar Hamburg Pavilion. The joy I have felt the past 5 days has been just overwhelming. This has been the longest period of time I have spent with one man for a long time. The fact that we didn't kill each other actually proves we have a future, a real one. He is very forgiving of my many shortcomings, and for that I am grateful. We went to the Rocker's party this weekend as well, and it was fun to see his reaction to wholesale nudity and depravity. Daniel is rather shy, and had some problems talking to some of the women there. I didn't play myself because he didn't. It would not have been fair. We spent today just making love and downloading stuff. Now is the time we will start to try to figure out how to merge our lives I think, especially since I got some pretty momentous news Wednesday.

Open letter to Renee Zellweger (tongue in cheek)

Dear Stupid Cunt:
What the Hell are you thinking?!? For two years you had the most sublime example of the male gender on this planet, and you threw him away. For what: cornpone country cock. Jesus woman, I would kill and maim anything or anyone in my path for 5 MINUTES with Jack White, and you dropped him like a used tampon. He is everything that is brilliant and magical, and you didn't want him. So lets break this down: you dump Heaven, then date Damien Rice for about a nanosecond. Along comes Kenny Chesney, and you up and marry the guy after only 4 months. Hmmm three men in 8 months. Smells like desperation. Hearing that biological clock ticking are we dear? 36 and never been married kinda scare you?
But that's ok..go ahead and enjoy it while it lasts. Meanwhile, Ill be dialing Satan for a chance to heal Jacks heart, Bitch.

LYRICS ALERT>>>!!!!

It is no big secret that White Stripes are the band that rock my world. I have had my knickers in a bunch for weeks waiting for the first song of the album to be released..and I wasn't disappointed. Rumor had it Jack had gone soft since going producer. Trust me he's just as fine as ever.

White Stripes - Blue Orchid

You got a reaction
You got a reaction didn't, you?
You took a white orchid
You took a white orchid turned it blue

Something better than nothing
Something better than nothing, it's giving up
We all need to do something
Try keep the truth from showing up

How dare you
How old are you now, anyway?
How dare you
How old are you now, anyway?

You're given a flower
But I guess there's just no pleasing you
Your lips tastes sour
But you think that it's just me teasing you

You got a reaction
You got a reaction, didn't you?
You took a white orchid
You took a white orchid turned it blue

Get behind me
Get behind me now, anyway
Get behind me
Get behind me now, anyway

You got a reaction
You got a reaction, didn't you?
You took a white orchid
You took a white orchid turned it blue

Cool Band Alert!!

I got an IM from a member of the band Perigee (http://www.betarecords.com/artist.php?artist=perigee), a unit out of Connersville, IN. I went to the website to check them out, and I was quite impressed. They have three songs you can check out, my personal fave was "Happy". If you like original bands that rock, these guys are for you. I look forward to seeing them at The Dame this summer hopefully.

PROFILE
Career: Band / Ensemble
Genre: Rock, Top 40, Alternative
Repertoire: Original
Contact: (765) 821 - 2108
Email: perigee@betarecords.com
Website: n/a
Location: United States of America - IN - 47331

Beltane and an "oh Shit" moment part I

Daniel came down to spend time with me on Friday night, so he could take me and the bar set up to another Prestonsburg swing party. Mr. Cool was having domestic problems, and wanted us to take the bar on ahead in case he couldn't make it (he ended up not making it). We ended up going to Yamamoto's for dinner, since he hadn't been to a Japanese steak house in a while. Even though my asthma was killing me and I kept coughing, it was a glorious meal. It had been so very very long since I had went out with someone I had so much pent up passion and affection for. He was attentive and affectionate and funny and tender. We then went over to Mr. Cool's and sat in his hot tub in the rain with a bottle of Asti Spumanti, one of the truest romantic moments I've ever had. The rest of the night consisted of lovemaking and downloading music from my personal collection. The next day we went to the party. I sat up the bar after a few hours and the party was on. I told myself I could not be selfish with him, and I told him he was free to play with others. So he did and I bartended. I didn't feel mad or deprived at all. I was actually pleased at my open mindedness. The party was awesome and the tips were good and friends were all around. I went to our cabin after I closed the bar after 1 am, and he came up there to make sure I was ok and to neck. I told him it was fine for him to go back to the party since I was so tired. He sounded guilty I wasn't playing too, but I reminded him of why I wasn't: I was on my period, and I only really wanted to play with him by my choice. So I talked with some of our cabin mates for an hour then went to bed.

The trouble started at 6 am. I woke up to realize my friend Antoine had passed out in bed beside me and was snoring my ears off. Not Daniel. I got up and went to the other empty bed. I felt achy from the fatigue and the asthma and allergies. Then I felt it: jealousy. I was disappointed he wasn't with me, but someone else. The OH Shit moment had arrived. I knew then I was falling in love with him. And there was nothing I could do to stop it even if I wanted to. So I cried, both for the fact that I had let myself become vunerable again, and out of guilt for feeling jealous...

Beltane and an "oh Shit" moment part II

I realized it was Beltaine, so I decided to do my ceremony to ask for guidance. It went something like this," Dearest Mother Aphrodite (my patroness), please guide me to see that I do not need to feel insecure about Daniel. Please help me to see that what we feel for each other is real, and is right and good to pursue. Please give me a sign as to where this I all going and how I should go further...". I then heard the front door of the cabin open, and two people entered. One was female and really drunk. Daniel walked in to see if there was an empty bed. There wasn't so he left her on the couch. He then came to bed and sounded so sorry he hadn't been there, but he was taking care of a friend who showed up after I had left and had gotten wasted. Then he held me tight, and told me his feelings were getting really really deep for me and did I feel the same. My response was that I was glad he said it because I wanted to say the same thing. We held each other, and it was like coming home, and like answered prayers.

4 years ago today.

April 28, 2001

It rained buckets. Water was ankle deep in places, and Key West is not known for it's drainage. We lived 5 blocks away from El Siboney, and John wanted to go there for his birthday dinner. He was in remission but the treatments had left his once barrel frame of 220 lbs down to 123. He was skeletal and unable to walk more than a few feet. So I helped him into the wheelchair he detested, and we walked. And it poured endless gallons of water on our heads. We got there and they offered us towels, and teased John by carding him for his one beer (against doctors orders). We both ate Pallomina Steak and plantains (sp?). I took him home full and contented to leftover birthday cake from the previous weekend's trip to La Tratoria's with his sister and brother in law, a much less festive affair, since they were threatening to take him out of my care. It was a simple birthday, and the next year's (and last)birthday was with his kids, and very noisy. He said the rainy birthday was his favorite.
Well baby it's raining today, but cold instead of steamy. I'm in my apartment waiting for takeout salad and Survivor to come on ( a fave of yours). I am living a life now you would never have approved of. You would not recognize me now, looks or personality wise. But know this: men may come and men may go in my life, but I will never love as fiercely as I loved, and still love, you. I will love differently, passionately, but never again fiercely. Happy birthday baby.

Poetry alert on John's 56th Birthday

Kelly from Dilletante, a good but far flung friend of mine, left this on a coment from my last post. Since today would have been John's 56th birthday, I considered it very sweet of her to post it and extremely timely.

"I was reading a book of pagan poetry, and came across this:

HEARTSTONE By Patricia Wellington-Jones

Years after her husband died
she placed crushed mugwort in her left nostril,
stepped into the labyrinth, trod
the gravel path between lines of stone
A few twists an acorn rolling
between thumb and warm palm, she was surprised
to find her late love beside her deliberate steps.
the sun beat on her hated head, the path
wound and wound and wound.
After several turns she stopped resisting.
let him fill her body with tears
she'd long thought shed. Stunned
at an outer ring, her feet refused to move.
Amid rough lava and mica-chipped stone,
one not-too-large river cobble: smooth
and gray, inviting her fingers, with a heart
sunken in the matrix of white. She felt her love
take her hand, lead her to the center. There,
in a rock hollow, she added the acorn to lichen
cedar tip, faded flowers.
Expecting to feel calmed, she started
the outward trek, found tears spilling over
at the heartstone. With a sense of sacriledge,
she fished a tissue from her jeans and,
in one sharp blast, blew away the tears--
and mugwort. A final pat of stone,
a few steps further on the gravel, her hair lifted
in the refreshing breeze. She felt her husband's
smile rise over the oaks. Pace still deliberate,
heart and feet light, she stepped quickly from the guidance of the labyrinth
to the tangle of everyday."

Thanks Kelly :D

Water under the bridge-9 days

I realize I haven't been posting much, in fact for 9 days. I've been pondering what can happen in such a short time. In 9 days a new pope can be elected. Two small children can wander away from a home in Georgia, never to return. A chance to help start a business can fall into one's lap. A new possible love can begin to take root. I suppose I have been just swamped with too much to handle at once, and needed time to absorb it all in. I have been faithfully keeping up with Kelly's (dilettante) and Clint's(bluefairlane) blogs with a mix of pride of knowing them and jealousy of their prolific writing skills. Tomorrow John would have been 56 years old. I had my first encounter with a million dollar race horse, only for it to try to bite my left breast off lol.
In short, I feel like a piece of silly putty that can be enlarged by bulling in all directions. The putty can never be uniformly enlarged, and is always misshapen. But stretch it does in new directions.

Kentucky in Springtime and the allergies are in bloom..

I just about drowned in my own nasal fluids this weekend after whatever pretty flower or tree it was that does this bloomed. Spring is my favorite time of year, I absolutely adore the flowers; forsynthia, dogwoods, wisteria, etc. But they don't love me. I am an allergy sufferer that lives in the worst state for allergies in the US. Yes I am a moron. It's kinda hard to work either job when one is coughing up chunks of lung. So for the second time in as many weeks, I went to the fucking doctor's office. 40 bucks worth of co-pay later, I'm on Zyrtec. I haven't taken it yet, I'm waiting for dinner first. Maybe one day I will wise up and move back to Wyoming where allergies don't exist....

Nope Im not lost, call off the search party!!!

I know I have been short of posting the last few weeks. Im working two jobs now so no free time. I have been reading my friends blogs, and have been delighted on how spring has been decent to us all. My friendship with Daniel grows daily, and makes me happy. So I'm short of posting material, but knowing me, something will happen sooner or later:P

Daniel

YIKES!!!

I'm having a full blown, Danger Will Robinson moment. I went to a swing party in Prestonsburg, KY this weekend to bartend and play. I have decided not to do the second job during swing parties. It was suggested to me by a wise reader that I needed to have a spiritual-sexual outlet, and the swing parties will be it. So Mr. Cool, shackup, and myself got to Jenny Wiley State Park
(http://parks.ky.gov/jwiley2.htm) around 7 ish to met up with our friends who were hosting the party. Mr. Cool had rented a cabin beside theirs so the party could overflow one to the other. Anyway, we walked in and along with our friends there was a local there who was interested in the group: Daniel. He was, at first look, about my age, 5'9ish, dark hair and eyes. I was looking at him and warning bells started ringing, which I took note of but didn't really listen to. We started talking about computers, which snowballed to witchcraft (He had studied it) and books (we ended up having read the same obscure ones). More alarm bells, and more dismissal of them. He ended up getting stuck behind some parked cars and stayed talking to 3am. The next day I went hiking with more friends, but kept thinking about him. I decided if I played, he was going to be it. Daniel had another party so he didn't show up until later that night. As for the party, I bartened for tips, had lots of guys flirt. It was a good time. Then he walked through the door about midnight. I made it a point to close the bar at 12:30. There was another guy wanting to play with me, but he had been with 3 others in the space of 5 hours, so I wasn't interested. This guy persisted, so I caught Daniel in the bathroom and asked if he wanted to meet me outside to go to the other cabin and play. He agreed to my delight, and we went to the other cabin.

Now long-suffering readers will remember the incredibly good time I had at the Valentine's day dance with Tyler. Daniel turned into being a million times better. I was in heaven for 2 hours. Then we ended up at the other cabin with a room to ourselves, and ended up collapsing at 6 am. He was loving and kind and there was a chemistry there I hadn't felt in a LONG TIME, hence the warning alarms. I have been home about an hour and already got a quick note from him. He doesn't know that I'm an escort. He lives in John's Creek, 3 hours away from me. There are so many many ways this could kick the shit out of my heart. Daniel is the first guy I have had this feeling about in a long long time. All I can think is that he has the potential to turn my crazy world even more upside down. And yet....I am waiting for his IM feeling wistful: and ignoring those damn mental alarms:P

Living in the moment, and a lyrics alert at the same time!

"Blue Sky"
The Allman Brothers

Walk along the river, sweet lullaby, it just keeps on flowing,
It don't worry 'bout where it's going, no, no.
Don't fly, mister blue bird, I'm just walking down the road,
Early morning sunshine tell me all I need to know

You're my blue sky, you're my sunny day.
Lord, you know it makes me high when you turn your love my way,
Turn your love my way, yeah.

Good old sunday morning, bells are ringing everywhere.
Goin to Carolina, it won't be long and I'll be there

You're my blue sky, you're my sunny day.
Lord, you know it makes me high when you turn your love my way,
Turn your love my way, yeah.


I have been on an euphoric high for days. I have no idea what the hell is going on with me. It might be the fact that for the first time in years I'm not worrying about money. Maybe its the pure energy of exercise. My friend John claims he is sending me healing energy, which is possible. He packs some mean mojo. The best way to explain the feeling is that I feel serene. I got a comment from Outcast asking me if this was the way I was going to live my life, or just live in the moment and see what happens. Well the answer is this: if this is what it feels like to live in the moment, then the moment is where I will stay. Until the circle turns again.

Death and life and death.

My grandmother always says that with the rebirth of spring death steps up the pace. Saul Bellow. Terri Schiavo. Pope JP II. Prince Rainier. Plus millions of others not so famous or infamous. I suppose when Persephone returns from Hades, there's some sort of trade. The sap rises, and the decay of the previous year feeds the new growth. The lessons we have learned from the lives of those leaving feed and sustain us (if we are wise enough to listen). I wouldn't mind dying in the spring. The last vision in my eyes being the blooming flowers, hopefully the first roses of the season. Everything fresh and green and wholesome. Sprinkle my ashes partially with the roses, the rest in the sea. And I would be pleased.

Some thoughts

Wikipedia(http://en.wikipedia.org)has a interesting definition of the word "Hierodule"

"In ancient Greece and Anatolia a hierodule, from Greek hiero- "holy" and doule "female slave", was a temple slave in the service of a specific deity, often with the connotation of religious prostitution. The priestesses of Inanna were known to be hierodules.
Among some neopagans, a hierodule may be a priestess who has sex in the role of whichever Goddess she serves in the divine union of hieros gamos."

My buddies at Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary are, as always, more direct:
"Main Entry: hi·ero·dule
Pronunciation: 'hI-(&-)rO-"dü(&)l, hI-'er-&-, -"dyü(&)l
Function: noun
Etymology: Late Latin hierodulus, from Greek hierodoulos, from hieron temple + doulos slave
: a slave or prostitute in the service of a temple (as in ancient Greece)"

I have been ruminating on this word for two weeks, as I have taken to being an escort. I will categorically state that I have no shame in what I am doing. I have met men that I would never EVER meet anywhere else. All of them (so far) have been educated, successful, intelligent men. I have been feted, complemented, and showered with attention. Once I was compared to a Renaissance painting (Ruebens naturally LOL) and called every variation of beautiful. Trust me, this is healing the inner Ugly Teenager that has been rampaging for several years. Far from feeling badly, I'm trying to figure out how to do this as my sole method of bread winning and painting in my spare time. Then as I was reading on the net and the word hierodule popped out. Is this what I am, or was at some point. I feel a spiritual communion during the act of sex. Love will always be the most essential ingredient to making sex perfect. But, this is satisfying a deep spiritual need as well as financial one. And, I seem to be very good at it. So where will this go? I don't know yet. I do know that this has opened a door into my psyche that wont close anytime soon.

Poetry alert!!

I was sent forth from the power,
and I have come to those who reflect upon me,
and I have been found among those who seek after me,
Look upon me, you who reflect upon me,
and you hearers, hear me.
You who are waiting for me, take me to yourselves
And do not banish me from your sight…

For I am the first and the last
I am the honored one and the scorned one,
I am the whore and the holy one…

I am the silence that is incomprehensible
and the idea whose remembrance is frequent.
I am the voice whose sound is manifold
and the word whose appearance is multiple.
I am the utterance of my name…

Excerpts from "The Thunder, Perfect Mind",
THE NAG HAMMADI LIBRARY

Ranting...Terri Schiavo

In 2001, I was sitting in a doctors office in Key West Florida with my husband as he went through chemotherapy. We were surrounded by other cancer patients, since Key West has only one Hemo-Oncologist (to Dr. Stephen and Mary Catherine Krathan, all my love and thanks). On the TV comes a story about Terri Schiavo's case. That opened up a huge discussion in that Chemo suite about life, death, and the quality and dignity of both. Later, at the Hospice of the Keys (http://www.hospicevna.com/) this was also the conversation at the cancer support group. The main theme was how does one die as well as one lives? And who makes that choice. All in that room were luckier than Terri Schiavo: death was not a stranger and it was always outside our door. If one of the patients in that room died, it would have been welcome and embraced, but would not have been a surprise. All were, in some way, prepared. Several friends died that year, and my husband the following year. I faced the unimaginable duty of signing the papers to have my husband taken off life support because there was no hope left. His children, brother and sister supported my choice and there was a united front looking at him when he died. But in the end, only I was the sole bearer of the responsibility of carrying out John's wishes.

It is in that way I am infuriated and sickened by the whole Terri Schiavo case. Michael Schiavo has looked at the shell of what was his wife for 15 years. He grieved her. He knew her wishes. There are some things you do not share with your parents, and who would have shared death issues with a parent at her age at that time? The Christian right is arguing about the sanctity of life, but what about the sanctity of marriage? When someone becomes incapacitated, the responsibility doesn't just fall back to the family, its the spouse who ultimately bears the burden alone. I was lucky in that my husband was a articulate man with strong opinions who was educated on life and death issues and let his wished be know to all involved. Terri Schaivo was young and to all appearances healthy, and what happened to her was a tragedy. Her parents have let that tragedy linger for 15 years. They aren't trying to save her life, they are prolonging a death that should have happened years ago. They are trying to make themselves feel less guilty by trying to convince others Terri is there and can be helped. How can any parent want their child to live in that state? No dignity, no memory, no communication. They are flying in the face of the majority of the medical profession on her condition. I cannot presume to know the pain of losing a child. But I can imagine the pain Michael Schiavo has endured for years knowing he alone is responsible to carry out what she ultimately wanted to do. Yes he could have just divorced her and walked away years ago. I am more impressed that he has stayed for years trying to keep Terri's wishes upheld. People have criticized him for having a relationship with children while she was living. Her brain quit functioning 15 years ago. He held out hope for years, and nothing. He has gone through the fire of grief, and had come out on the other side. I pose these questions to you. Would you want your husband or wife to be alone the rest of their lives grieving you? My husband didn't even want me to grieve; he simply wanted me to put his memory away and live my life, and that would honor him enough. In closing this rant I will put to you a discussion I had with my step-sons a year or so later when this case once again reared its ugly head. And I will unequivocally state it here:

If my step-sons would have tried with me concerning their dad what Terri Schiavo's is doing to her, I would have caught their heads turned and smothered him with a pillow and gone to jail with a clear conscience, knowing he would have wanted to die rather than live without dignity.

Rockers Party..The myth-the legend-the reality.

Last night was the first Rockers party I had ever attended. Rockers is a huge swing club in the central Kentucky area. I went with Mr. Cool and his shack up. The Continental Inn was sold out with the Rockers, Sweet 16 basketball tourney, and other parties. The Continental Inn is the place in town where if it happens there, it stays there sort of place. I was wearing the same little short Kleenex thin black dress I always wear, and was instructed to look for business if it stumbled upon me. We got there and the place was full of about 250-300 semi dressed people of all shapes sizes and colors. The bar was expensive and people were groping anything that moved. I walked around to find members of our personal club to tell them Mr. Cool was there, seeing that he doesn't get out much. Kept bumping into the same guy, and I hadn't met him previously. He was hot though so I kept an eye out for him.

Its kinda fun to look at all the different people there. If you have a body issue, a swing party in general, and Rockers in particular, isn't the place to have them. There were women there that would make three of me, gloriously naked and enjoying. It was rather reassuring. So I made a few loops of the party, catching the UK score on my way around the conference room. LOL even an impending orgy can't stop diehard Cats fans: in Kentucky, basketball waits for no one. I kept stopping in checking on Mr. Cool to make sure he was ok. Soon I was talking to the cute guy who happened to end up where I was a lot. He was a fellow witch, and said he thought I was 23, which always puts you in my good graces. So finally he came out and said he wanted to play. It came down to the same thing that always happens at the parties. I'm supposed to work them and I end up playing for free, always to my benefit. So I told him to go ask Mr. Cool, then went to his room, for an hour of incredible sex. I had gotten a hold of another man who thought I was a goddess and gave me all he had.

This always seems to happen when I'm depressed too. I was having feelings of inadequacy be cause I don't think I have the looks for being an escort. Then, the Goddess provides a really cool guy to prop my ego up..Thank you Mother. After some cuddling he left ahead of me cause I had to go by our room to fix makeup. On the way back was stopped by a drunk basketball guy wanting to go to my room. LOL I told him how much and he wandered off. I got back and sat with the new guy and some friends we had in common, then decided to go back to my room this time, for another hour of mind blowingly hot sex. He left when Mr.Cool and the shack up wanted to go to bed (IE FUCK). I opened the door and there stood another basketball guy wanting some, he just happened to be walking by. I sent him on his way lol. The rest of the night was spent laying there as eye candy for Mr. Cool so he could stay hard to fuck the shack up. He did give me a new sex toy though. A girl can never have enough vibrators....

So this is my assessment of Rockers: I like our club better. Granted I would have never met this really cool guy at our small parties, but ours is a bit classier. We actually socialize for a few hours before going off in our groups to play. At Rockers, you can fuck in front of God and everyone in the middle of the main party. I found it amusing, but kind of tacky. I've also come to the conclusion that I will make no money at these things unless Mr. Cool or myself set them up before hand.

BDSM....again.

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Week of firsts part III..Or Whoredom revisited..

Remember a few weeks ago when I had a brush with prostitution with a 50$ blowjob? Well I decided that instead of brushing up against it I would do a full contact collision with it. Had a guy come over and had pretty decent sex for an hour. And for that much exertion, I got 140$ for my time. This is the kind of money engineers and lawyers make. I have never made that kind of money, and that is what I make in a day and a half of work at the day job.
I think this goes back to being a ugly teenager. I saw all these girls I went to high school with go on dates and get treated to nice things because they were beautiful. It took me years to realize I have my own beauty. I have a certain charm men seem to like. And this is a statement you can take to the bank: IF MEN ARE WILLING TO PAY FOR SOMETHING I ENJOY GIVING AWAY FOR FREE, BY THE GODDESS I'M GOING TO DO IT. And, Im not falling for some of this ethics bullshit Im getting from a few of my guy friends. Men will screw one way or the other. And if this keeps me from eating PB and J for a week after I pay my rent, so fucking be it.

Week of firsts part II

I was going to start this post like this:
"Ever had something weird happen to you on a bed in the middle of 4 or 5 people having sex?"
Since to most that is weird, I need a new approach. So, here it goes:
Ever been in the middle of a bed with 4 or 5 people having sex and look down and realize the person going down on you isn't the gender you thought they were? LOL Last Saturday night, there I was at another swing party. We were all on the bed in a puppy pile and my eyes are closed. Someone starts eating me out. I had been fooling around with a guy so I thought it was him. It starts getting really really good so I go to put my hair in their hair..and it wasn't who I thought it was. It was a female party goer. I had two choices: freak or just go with it. I chose the latter. And I came. This female knows I'm not bi, meaning I'm not eating pussy, sorry. But I am philosophical about the situation. A tongue is a tongue, and if they want to eat me, hell Ill let them. I'm not about to shave my head and buy a Subaru and become butch, but it was a interesting experience.

Week of firsts part I.

This past week has been rather bipolar with different things in my life swinging in all directions. I've been told at work they want me gone as much as I want to be gone. My latest painting is stalled. However, sexually things kinda rocked. Wednesday I got an IM from a guy I've been talking to for a few months. I had never met him so I said sure, come over. I was shocked at what stood at my door. He was adorable,19 years old with light blue ( he says green :P) eyes and dark brown hair. I knew he was a virgin from an earlier post. So he came in and started an evening of so much fun. He was so playful and unexpected. We talked about witchcraft and metaphysics and sex and the world. And we wrestled and ticked and kissed. I never had any experience with teenage boys even when I was a teenager because I was such a nerd. This was what I wished I had experienced when I was 18. And of course talking and wrestling turned to kissing and necking...and cherry popping. I think he learned a lot. I know I did.

hmm a walk on the wild side

"Fly by night, away from here
Change my life again
Fly by night goodbye my dear
My ship isn't coming and I just can't pretend"

--Rush--"Fly By Night"

I have decided I want to dye my hair blue. And I'm not speaking about baby blue I'm talking shocking electric blue. I want to go completely nuts with my hair. I've done it before, I shaved it shiny 2 years ago. Now my hair is long and red and I wish I could just go for it and dye it all blue. This isn't all about my hair. This has more to do with lifestyle. I wish I was in a place in my life where I could be so creative as to do something so dramatic and not have negative repercussions: for example, getting fired. I'm trapped. I'm going nowhere. Like my friend said...I'm a bobbing cork down a stream going in a general direction with know idea how to get there any faster. This is all tied into the current existential funk and I should just drink a soda and go to be and dream of a place and time I can have blue hair and wear Doc Maartens.

Last nights party

Well I survived another swing party. I was co-hostessing this one. Including me, there were 2 men and 5 women. So what did I do? Got stoned and drunk and kept the younger of the two all to myself, and used him to the point where noone else got any from him...Im such a thoughtful hostess.LOL

Self Loathing...How interesting....

At the end of this average ho hum work week, I'm in the strangest mood. I suppose I'm still feeling the after effects of the flu, with a lot more fatigue then I usually have. I didn't run tonight after the scary incident at the gym Wednesday, with heart palps. So I feel like a lazy slug. There's a swing party tomorrow night, and I'm only half heartedly looking forward to. It seems that I've been overtaken by a feeling of Blah Ick Yuck, or otherwise known as Existential Funk. Longtime readers will be familiar with this state of mind in me. It happens every so often, like a toothache or low grade fever. Nothing satisfies me in this state. When this frame of mind sets in my art sucks, my body image is terrible and I just have a general sense that I would sell my soul to be anywhere or anyone else than I am now. There's been a lot of life stuff creeping into my mind. BDSM is starting to look attractive to me now. I'm scared to death about art school, since I have turned in all the required paperwork-my fate is sealed. The ex BF that assaulted me also reared his ugly head this week.
He called me a few days ago, all friendly and wanting to talk, and probing into my business. He has always wanted to read this blog, but I have never given him the address because this is the one place he cannot force himself. So besides the drama he inflicts, he has no idea about what my life truly is anymore: Mr. Cool, swinging, art. Especially the swinging. He has always had this attitude that I should be faithful to him no matter what state of together or untogetherness we are. So he called, and asked me what I had been up to. This turned into a case of be careful what you ask for....cause I told him everything. He got to hear all about Mr. Cool and what I did at the parties. He then started in on the why-are-you-doing-this-to-ME-I-still-love-you bullshit. He wanted to see me this weekend, I told him only if I didn't have a party to go to, which I do. So he's all well its cool. Then I get an email the next day:

"last night when we were on the phone you said
something that made me stop and think, and when I went
to bed it made me realize something......we were
talking about getting together one night and just
hanging out and watching tv and shit and you said
something along the lines like "i'll have to see if
there's a party scheduled...." and it made me realize
that you don't seem to have time for the people who
care about you....it's a shame when I almost have to
make an appointment.....and you also said something
last time I saw you that you hadn't had sex w/anyone
since psycho boy {Mr.Cool}in january, but yet last night you
admitted that everytime you went to one of those
parties you got laid, and I know that you've been to
several since january and before I came over there last........so it
made me realize that you have become exactly what we used to joke about
Julie {a mutual friend} being, someone who sleeps w/whom ever comes along, and even
though I told you that I don't agree w/what you're doing, you seemed to have
brushed it off......you may call these people "friends" now, but last
night I don't think that any of them offered to give you a heater of
anything to keep you warm, and that one day you may meet the wrong
person and it won't be pretty......I guess that what i'm trying to say
is that if this is how you want to live, then I don't want any part of
it, and I know you're going to say that it's your life, then i'll leave
you to live your life the way you want to and that i'll kindly step out
of it because I don't want to be filler for the empty portions that you
feel in your life"

If I had know this is what it took to get him out of my life, I would have told him all this 6 months ago! I thought this was typical for him: he sexually assaults me and I'm the bad guy. He will call me again in 6 months, just watch. He has no clue that when he sodomized me that any love I had left for him died at the moment of penetration. But I think this is the stem of the existential funk. I actually feel deep in my marrow he's out of my life and I'm free again emotionally. Its a scary wonderful creepy feeling. I'm a big believer in self responsibility, and now I have more responsibility for myself than ever. This is probably why I started looking at the BDSM sites again. I feel the need to let some of this off my shoulders by being a sub again. Witches believe that life is all about circles, large and small ,and the wheel of my life like the wheel of time and space, has twirled again.

Poetry Alert!

This was given to me today in an email:

whatever happens
to the world around
show me your purpose
show me your source

even if the world
is Godless and in chaos
show me your anchor
show me your love

if there is hunger
if there is famine
show me your harvest
show me your resource

if life is bitter
everywhere snakes everywhere poison
show me your garden
show me your meadow

if the sun and the moon fall
if darkness rules the world
show me your light
show me your flame

if I have no mouth
or tongue to utter
words of your secrets
show me your fountain

I'll keep silence
how can I express
your life when mine
still is untold

-- Rumi, translated by Nader Khalili

Z's Horoscope for this week 03/02/2005 http://www.freewillastrology.com

CANCER (June 21-July 22): 'The average river requires a million years
to move a grain of sand one hundred miles,'says science writer James
Trefil. The work you've been doing on yourself these past two years,
Cancerian, must sometimes have seemed as maddeningly gradual.The
good news is that you are now in the last few months of this slow-motion, long-term project. If you can sustain your focus, you'll finish up around your birthday, having created such a strong inner sense of sanctuary that you will forever after be able to feel at home in the world no matter where you are."

I told you: Renee (i.e.Cunt) looks a bit haggard..HAHAHAH 
www.wireimage.com (web site)
href='http://www.hello.com/' target='ext'>

Leonardo DiCaprio and Giselle Bundchen : This girl has a body and a man to die for and this is the best she can do for a dress? A feed sack?

www.wireimage.com (web site)
 

Natalie Portman: This is better than that nasty white thing she wore to the Golden Globes, but still a bit weird.

www.wireimage.com (web site) 

Hilary Swank, another one of the gowns I loved.

www.wireimage.com (web site) 

Kate Winslet: My Fave of all the dresses
Curtesy of
www.wireimage.com (web site) 

Oscar recap

Well I got 7 right. All were warned not to use my guesses as a betting source. I was kinda upset that Sideways only got one Oscar, but it was a big one: Best Adapted Screenplay. Chris Rock was a bit weird to watch, but did a good job. I liked the diversity this year. I also liked the alternative awards presentations from the audience and having some categories with all nominees on stage. There were people missing though: I didn't see Jim Carey, Nicole Kidman, Tom Cruise, Jack Nicholson. It kind of gave it an empty feeling. Otherwise, entertaining as usual, though I did miss Billy Crystal. The fashions were a treat. And what the hell is it with blonde actresses going brunette this year? Renee Zellweger looked downright haggard (HAHAHAHA).

2005 Oscars 77th Academy Awards..My Guesses

Ok kids here are my hopes for the big awards...here goes nothing: OH CAVEAT..these are strictly sentimental choices, so don't bet the farm on them.

Best Picture:
SIDEWAYS (Fox Searchlight)

Best Director:
Clint Eastwood for MILLION DOLLAR BABY

Best Actor:
Don Cheadle for HOTEL RWANDA

Best Actress:
Hilary Swank for MILLION DOLLAR BABY

Best Supporting Actor:
Thomas Haden Church for SIDEWAYS

Best Supporting Actress:
Virginia Madsen for SIDEWAYS

Best Original Screenplay:
THE AVIATOR (Miramax) by John Logan

Best Adapted Screenplay:
SIDEWAYS (Fox Searchlight) by Alexander Payne, Jim Taylor

Best Foreign-Language Film:
THE SEA INSIDE - Spain

Best Animated Feature Film:
THE INCREDIBLES (Disney/Pixar)

Achievement in Art Direction:
A VERY LONG ENGAGEMENT (Warner Independent Pictures)

Achievement in Costume Design
THE AVIATOR (Miramax)

Best Documentary Feature:
SUPER SIZE ME (Roadside Attractions / Samuel Goldwyn Films)

Best Film Editing:
THE AVIATOR (Miramax)

Achievement in Makeup:
LEMONY SNICKET'S A SERIES OF UNFORTUNATE EVENTS (Paramount Pictures)

Best Original Score:
John Williams for HARRY POTTER AND THE PRISONER OF AZKABAN

Original Song:
"Al Otro Lado Del Río" from THE MOTORCYCLE DIARIES (Focus Features)

Achievement in Sound Mixing:
THE AVIATOR (Miramax)

Achievement in Sound Editing:
THE INCREDIBLES (Disney/Pixar)

Best Visual Effects:
I, ROBOT (20th Century Fox)

Best Documentary Short:
MIGHTY TIMES: THE CHILDREN'S MARCH

Best Animated Short Film:
LORENZO

Best Live-Action Short Film:
LITTLE TERRORIST

10 things I've done that no one else probably has..

My friend Clint had this on his blog BlueFairlane. Basically its supposed to be 10 things I have done that few others have. Ok, here they are in no particular order:

-Had sex with 9 other people watching and/or participating.

-Got on a train in Vienna Austria that was out of order, went to the rail yard, then had to be brought back to the station on a engine.

-was a groupie for 2 years during the hair band era (never had sex but took all their good drugs)

-Held my soulmate as he took his last breaths of air before death.

-Worked at a zoo and a lighthouse (not at the same time).

-Drank real moonshine

-Survived 4 suicide attempts

-Traveled through 40 states

-Been a slave (BDSM)

-Lived in Grand Teton National Park

The Flu is my friend.

Yep this is my second go around with the flu in two friggin months. I feel like hell before breakfast. I dont think work tomorrow is possible, but we will see. Currently Im stoned on Nyquil searching for more pics to add to my secret obsession collection, since crawling into a fetal position and dying isnt an option. Got lots of IMs from well meaning friends who are keeping their distance,LOL.

Rejoice Part I

The running joke in my family is that babies come in packs. Usually there's at least 3 born a year. This time there are 4 babies due in the space of 5 months. Two aunts and two cousins are pregnant. The first came today.

ANNOUNCING THE BIRTH OF:
Wyatt Nathaniel, 7 pounds 1 ounce, 20 and 1/2 inches long. Seeing as both his parents have red hair, as well as his older brother Ryan, he has it too (like his Auntie Z). Baby Wyatt isn't technically my nephew. His mother Margaret is my best friend from 6th grade who married my youngest uncle Christopher, who is only 5 years older than us. Most of the children that belong to my younger aunts and uncles just call me aunt anyway. Saves the confusion. He was delivered at 8:00 am this morning by C section in Lexington KY. Wyatt seems to be shaping up to be a better tempered baby than his 7 year old brother, who was hell on wheels literally. This is also one of the cases where ultrasounds are not a good test of gender: the two Marg had said girl. But they will happily take the boy and be perfectly content. Marg and Chris have been together for 16 years, married for 9, and have now two healthy boys: my heroes.

The second baby may be here today as well, under worse circumstances. My Cousin Tanya went into premature labor yesterday after spiking a fever with pneumonia. She's only at 27 weeks. They stopped the labor and hope to keep her stable until the baby is further along. I think I might have mentioned this in earlier postings, but birthing problems run in the maternal side of the family. My maternal grandma gave birth to 11 without so much as a hiccup. We actually tease her about being a Pez dispenser. Her daughters and granddaughters have run the gamut of problems: breach births (3 aunts, 1 cousin), placenta previa ( 1 Aunt), Gestational Diabetes (2 aunts and my sister), and finally pre and full Eclamsea ( my sister, who lost my niece Piper at 27 weeks and almost her own life). So it is no big wonder I'm kind of gun shy about approaching pregnancy myself. However, I have plenty of little ankle biters around to enjoy parenthood vicariously through family members.

What Bush should be doing

This is from The Onion:

"Determined To Find Warehouse
Where Ark Of Covenant Is Stored
WASHINGTON, DC
In a surprise press conference Monday, President Bush said he will not rest until the warehouse where the Ark of the Covenant, the vessel holding the original Ten Commandments, is located. 'Nazis stole the Ark in 1936, but it was recovered by a single patriot, who braved gunfire, rolling boulders, and venomous snakes,' Bush said, addressing the White House press corps. 'Sadly, due to bureaucratic rigmarole, this powerful, historic relic was misplaced in a warehouse. Mark my words: We will find that warehouse.' Bush added that, after they are strengthened by the power of the Ark, U.S. forces will seek out and destroy the sinister Temple of Doom. ""

Hunter S. Thompson

I've been reading various blogs written by friends and acquaintances, and strangers, about the shotgun suicide of Hunter S. Thompson. The only consensus is that not one single person was surprised. Losing his scalp was the only fitting way for ole Hunter to go, since it now ties him to the exclusive club of geniuses that took the time to go down in double barrel glory. Hunter S. Thompson has immortalized himself. He will be forever worshipped by the dark little souls who love the romance of his life. We actually owe him a small debt, since he was the first to report the news through his completely biased unapologetically point of view. Now we think nothing of listening to pundits on news shows giving their two cents worth and passing it off as journalism. Thanks Hunter.

Was he a "good" writer? That will be judged forever one way or the other. I think he was arrogant because he knew his talent. Kinda like being cute and knowing it. Unfortunately he let his skills go to shit the last 20 years. His last great shot of brilliance was his November, 2004 article in Rolling Stone. He railed as loudly and brazenly as he could at the current administration. It was like the Old Hunter was on the loose for one last time. Was he a misogynist, paranoid nutjob? No question. That alone puts him in Hemingway's company. The one overriding point of respect I have for him was his completely fearless use of words. Words were weapons to him and he used them as well as his gun collection, all the way to the end. He called a spade a spade, and sometimes other things spades too. Hunter was the signature counter culture Journalist, like The Grateful Dead was the signature band. Iconic. And guaranteed to be so now with a well placed shotgun shell.

Who I am..A manifesto

The Invitation by Oriah Mountain Dreamer has a pretty controversial section in it...

"It doesn’t interest me if the story you are telling me
is true.
I want to know if you can
disappoint another
to be true to yourself.
If you can bear the accusation of betrayal
and not betray your own soul.
If you can be faithless
and therefore trustworthy."

No one protects me but me. I have learned after my husband died hard lessons. I will not lose myself to please another. There won't be a moment of sleep lost on my part for living the life I choose. For believing in the faith I hold. I will not be made to feel ashamed about who I am. I make no apologies nor want any. No longer will I settle for ANYTHING less than what I want and what I DEEM is good for me. If I upset others by believing this, FUCK THEM. I don't want to hurt people intentionally, or be cruel. I just want to have a man of my own, a career of my own, and a fulfilling faith OF MY OWN. Yes some consider me a slut, thief an liar. Am I? A slut probably yes that's one word for it. Do I lie and steal: NO. At the end of the day when I look at myself in the mirror I have no shame or disgust at seeing my reflection.
So who am I?
A devout Witch of 15 years.
I am a painter.
I am a bad housekeeper, and am terrible with money.
I am a good friend to have.
I compete badly with others in general and women in particular.
I am straight, and faithful when others are faithful to me.
I am happiest when near the sea.

This is who I am, take it or leave it.

Gallery Hopity and pleasant surprises...

Last night was the bi monthly Gallery Hop in Lexington (www.lexarts.org). I got a late start, but still got to get to my fave galleries. The Lexington Art League had a series of prints and abstract photography that was cool (www.lexingtonartleague.com). Its it the National City Bank Building so its normally my first stop. I then headed to the Downtown Arts Center, that had a collection of oils on canvas. The Actors Guild had a play on at the same time, and with Alfalfa's full it was a mob scene. Across the street at Lexington Public Library, they had some wonderful local scene acrylics and Quilt blocks hung as paintings. There was a line at Gallerie Soleil that I was most willing to stand in. Soleil is a private loft of several studios. That place is my chance to actually hang in the personal studio space of several successful artists. John Ridener and Tony Adams are two of my faves, and I get to talk at length with them every time I go. Its a delicious feeling. I hit ArtsPlace and Bodly-Bullock House before I reached Mecca. Now Mecca (www.meccadance.com) is not only a gallery of sorts but also a dance studio. And to my delight and surprise that were having a performance art/recital/benefit for Tsunami relief that I made just in time. What followed was two hours of delight. They did several scenes from Cabaret and Moulin Rouge, as well as Balinese dancing. The whole experience was hip and artsy and fun. Gallery Hop is the date I take myself on every other month, and worth every moment.

A friends quote...

" {Zezrie} you just haven't figured out what you really want... so you keep trying whatever comes along...kind of a bobbing cork in a stream...you have a general idea where the current is taking you but no real way to speed it up"
mkculp

My brief brush with whoredom

It was bound to happen sooner or later. The whole thing with Mr. Cool has bit the dust. He asked me if I wanted to turn tricks for him. Let me break the situation down with me: I'm trying to get over an assault, I want to go to Savannah College of Art so bad I can taste it, and I'm broke. Mr. Cool had connections. So I agreed. I went with a guy last Thursday and gave him a blowjob. 10 minute job=60 dollars. So he wanted me to do some real tricks this weekend at the aforementioned party from an earlier post. I said yes. I got there and he didn't tell me where or who I was doing. I waited a few hours, then went off with T. I had a splendid evening for free. Then Sunday night the IM's started coming, from Mr. Cool. The guilt trips about blowing $1500 because I went off by myself. So I ended it. I ended my chance to go to school, I ended what I thought was a relationship with a guy who supposedly loved me. I might have saved my inner self worth. I was never really part of that world. I played there for awhile. I will miss the friends I had there. It also hurt when I ended other parts of my life. Now I have to figure out what's next. Also I have to figure out if keeping my self respect was worth losing a chance to go to school. I want a man who loves me for what I am, not what he wants me to be. So I am truly single again....Lovely.

Valentine's Day Massacre: Lyrics Alert

I believe I have posted these lyrics before, but so what. This is my favorite love song, because it talks about realistic love.

CALL IT LOVE
--Poco--
(R. Guilbeau, B. Crain, R. Lonow, J. Messina)

We've got all night, let's take our time
Tell me your secrets, I'll tell you mine
When it makes us feel better, call it love

You say you won't, I say you will
You make me crazy, but I want you still
When it makes us feel better, call it love

Chorus:
Do we tell the truth, or do we live a lie
Is the feeling good, is that what makes you cry
When you say those words, look me in the eye
Tell me why you call it love

I play my hand, you call my bluff
We push each other, 'til we've had enough
When it's all you've got, call it love

If I didn't have money, would you want me still
When you look real close, do we fit the bill
Call it what you want, but only time will tell

(chorus)

(Solo)

(chorus)

We've got all night, let's take our time
Tell me your secrets, I'll tell you mine
When it makes us feel better, call it love

Call it love, call it love, call it love
When it's all you've got, call it love

Valentine's Day Massacre: Final Thoughts

I was in the process Saturday of writing the most scathing, vitriolic, hateful entry about Valentine's Day I could manage. Then I went to the Valentine's party held by Mr. Cool and his swing club. Mr. Cool and his shack up were fighting, so no Valentine's celebration with him. Did my usual thing with flirting with all the people I knew, and trying to make the newbie's comfortable. About 10pm after a decent sized joint and 4 Fuzzy Navels (http://www.idrink.com/drinks/Fuzzy_Navel.htm), I was reasonably relaxed to play. A new guy approached me, and started talking, I'll call him T. He was a reasonably pleasant guy, a bit on the yuppie side but funny. Turned my head a second, then turned it back and he was kissing me. Very well. What started to catch my attention was the he was in no hurry for anything else, just deep kissing. But after an hour of necking (HIGHLY UNUSUAL), one of us talked the other into heading to his room, I cant recall who. And what followed was about 3 hours of the hottest sex I've had in almost a year. What made it hot was not 22 positions, or technique. This guy treated me like a GODDESS. He continually praised me for my beauty. He kept saying how perfect I was, how incredible I tasted and smelled and felt under his mouth and hands. The best part was that after 2 mutual orgasms (Rare as Hell for me), he didn't run to the next partner. He laid there and held me and kept up the praise and affection, and kept up the long deep sensual kisses. He sought no other partner that night, as is common at a swing party. For three hours I was the sole universe of a member of the opposite sex. And it had been far too long.

It is so ironic about life. Just when I was getting ready to trash love in general, Valentine's Day in particular, and men specifically, I get a curve ball flung my way. And the biggest surprise at all, I hit a home run. After the past year of walking around supposedly holding myself above the messiness of romance, I got reminded about what it could be. In a one night stand of all things. The past few weeks have dealt me a beating, emotionally, physically, and spiritually. I was questioning my self esteem. And then one perfect encounter reinforced my self worth. Logically I know I am an incredible woman with gifts and talents and passions, and my own version of beauty. Maybe I just need reminded more often? Who really knows. The goddess Aphrodite gave me a gift on Saturday I won't soon forget. As for Valentine's Day, it will forever continue to be an overhyped, media driven exercise in wholesale humiliation, until we can all learn that romance and love starts with the self, then we share it.

HAPPY FUCKING VALENTINE"S DAY

The day's here, let us all hope I get through it with as little carnage as possible.

The Grammy's Rehash..

Ray Charles swept it. I could have done without Freebird, but the Southern Rock bit was good. I want to congratulate Loretta Lynn and Jack White for their two grammy wins: Best Country Collaboration With Vocals, and Best Country Album. The Grammy's in the past has celebrated progressive country, and this was no exception. I was pleased the Grammy's no longer suck as badly as they did in the past.

A big thank you...

Kelly, thank you so much for your post about me, and for linking me on your site. You will never know the impact you had. Here is a copy of her post from her blog Dilettante's Diary (http://kellyrae.blogspot.com/)

"Sunday, February 13, 2005
When things go wrong
I've been following Zezrie's blog since about August. I've read of her residual pain after her husband's death a few years ago, her struggles with work, her art, her body, her sexuality. I've felt a lot of compassion and admiration for her, and today, more so than ever.

In January Zezrie was sexually assaulted by someone she knew well, someone she'd had sex with before... The things she says in some of her posts pluck something deep inside me, and that dark, dangerous rage starts to rise in me. MEN! But its not just men, women can violate people too, as Demming did me. Something in me wants to track him down and violate him. Something in me wants to visit upon him the law of consequences. I want Samuel Jackson's character from Pulp Fiction to pay him a visit. I want to tie him to the cell door of a Mississippi prison and let the men there call him bitch.

Sometimes I despair of there being any justice in the world, but I believe in balance. I believe that what we send out into the world comes back to us. Buck lost an eye in a car accident 3 years after he drugged me and raped me. It seems a fair trade. I hope the man who assaulted Zezrie is 'balanced' soon."

Thank you Kelly

Valentine's Day Massacre: Obsession

Valentine's Day tends to be the type of holiday that brings the stalker out in everyone. This is the favorite time to try to buy someone's love with flowers, candy, diamonds, etc. What is it that makes humans feel "love" for people who otherwise would never know of their existence, or have known it and want to forget? Before I get into it, I have a confession. I am obsessed with someone who I know for a fact will NEVER acknowledge my presence, and will never consider me fit as a romantic companion. That being said, I have a collection of pics of him on my Yahoo pictures account, 240 to be exact. There is a large poster of him at the foot of my bed. He is the only human I'm using in my artwork as a subject. Logically I know that this is not a suitable pastime or pursuit for a woman my age. And, this is kinda humiliating to actually come out and admit. But this is my point: obsessions just doesn't run with stalkers. All humans suffer from it, just in greater and lesser degrees. With my obsession this person can me anyone I need him to be. I can project whatever need I have on him, and he responds. I have a whole relationship in my mind NOONE can interfere with. However I consider myself relatively sane. Stalkers try to see if the projection equals the real person, and it never does. Thus all the freaky stuff they do. Can't blame the celebrity, they are just trying to get through this life like everyone else.
The closer to home obsessions are a bit more dangerous. We have all dealt with the psycho ex boyfriend or girlfriend that leaves the threatening messages,the notes. Breakups can go horribly awry. The ego and self esteem are all too often tied with what the love object relates about us. So many people can't be whole in themselves. And from painful experience, there is no such thing as another human being "completing" another. We want so much for something else outside of us to bring out what's already there. I went through a baptism by fire to figure this out, and I figured out it's impossible for another human being to make you into something you aren't already. This is why I am single, and happily so. I have had friends stalked, beaten up, terrorized by others obsessed with them. The papers are full of death from obsessions gone terribly wrong. We all know someone who's been through it if we haven't ourselves. Restraining orders are as good as the paper they are printed on. There will never be any solution with this, its as deep as human nature goes.

Post card tag with a really cool guy...Part 2

Got a postcard back from Ben Blackwell, from Cass Record's post card tag. It was of a absolutely gorgeous Egyptian necklace, and on the back?

"2-8-05
You have to assume that this necklace was at one time or another in the hands of a Grave robber. What you would not assume is that I am that grave robber. Enjoy.
Later....Ben"
So if anyone still wants to play, send a postcard, the more unique the better, to:
Cass Records HQ (3424 Bishop, Detroit, MI 48224. I sent mine on 2/4/2004, and got a card back on the 8th. Nothing to lose but 30 cents for card and stamp...

Valentine's Day Massacre: sexual secret 2-The guy's turn

From my old friends Merriam-Webster Online Dictionary: http://www.m-w.com/

Main Entry: cun·ni·lin·gus
Pronunciation: "k&-ni-'li[ng]-g&s
Variant(s): also cun·ni·linc·tus /-'li[ng](k)-t&s/
Function: noun
Etymology: cunnilingus, New Latin, from Latin, one who licks the vulva, from cunnus vulva + lingere to lick; cunnilinctus, New Latin, from Latin cunnus + linctus, act of licking, from lingere -- more at LICK
: oral stimulation of the vulva or clitoris

I personally hate this word. It makes it sound like a disease. And men's approach to this is a bit different than with women with blowjobs. Most of the men I have spoken to about this claim they love to eat pussy. But get them to the mat and one of three things happen: they refuse, they do it badly or do it decently. Men who brag about their licking skills also tend to (pardon the pun) suck at it.
Guys, this is oral sex, not astrophysics. It takes so very precious little to make women happy when you eat us out. Here are a few crucial yet little discussed points that can make men better at it and women happy...
CAVEAT: This section is not for lesbians. Eating pussy is their specialty. I would never even start to presume to begin to give bi or lesbian girls pointers. It would be kinda hypocritical, seeing as I'm straight. That being said, here we go.

1) SLOW THE HELL DOWN!!!! This is the biggest problem I have personally found with men going down on me. Trust me guys, there is no speed record for this in Guinness Book of Records. A lot of men start fine, then go into hyperdrive. I know most women will not speak up about this during the act, but even when I do, it doesn't seem to help. If a man goes too fast he could lick for hours and I won't cum. Save us both some time and aggravation and pace yourself. Sam Kinison had the right approach to this: take the tongue, place it on the pussy and lick the shapes of the alphabet, starting with capital letters. This slows the man down instantly. Most times you won't get to lower case,trust me. And you can show your education was useful by licking the shape of Japanese symbols, Greek Alphabet, song lyrics. The possibilities are endless.

2) SHAVE!!! Or at least get past the stubble stage of a beard. Think of it as having rug burns where its the most inconvenient. When I was in the beginning stages of receiving oral I used to not say anything about this, till the blisters began to show up. Not anymore. Grown out facial hair actually ads a new dimention to this, but if you have stubble and rub it raw guys, you aren't getting anything else.

3) WATCH THE FINGERS!! Would someone please explain to me why men feel the need to try to tear you apart with their fingers during oral? Am I alone in thinking this is annoying? If I wanted to be fisted, Ill let you know. A guy might be doing a great job, then they start shoving the fingers too hard, too roughly, too deep, or way to many at a time. I know men must think they are giving us more bang for the buck, but for me, it ends any progress the guy has made. Save it.

These are such simple suggestions that will pay off so much if they are followed. Speaking for myself, as with men being swallowed, you will get a second chance with me if you do it well. Keep this in mind.

Z's Horoscope for this week

This comes courtesy of Freewill astrology: http://www.freewillastrology.com

"CANCER (June 21-July 22): Happy Valentine Daze, Cancerian! As I
meditated on what advice might purify and supercharge your love life,
I got to thinking about a statement attributed to French poet Paul
Valery. "Love is being stupid together," he said. There's an element of truth to
this notion, but it's too corny and degenerate for my tastes. I prefer
to focus on a more interesting and complete truth, which is this: Real
love is being *smart* together. If you weave your destiny together with
another's, he or she should catalyze your sleeping potentials, sharpen
your perceptions, and boost your IQ. Your relationship should be a
crucible in which you deepen your understanding of the way the world
works. If you can't share your love with such a person this week,
don't share your love with anyone."
Yes I'm a Cancer...kinda all makes sense now doesn't it?

Living Vicariously... Amazing Race 6

I would like to congratulate Freddy and Kendra on their win on Amazing Race 6. This is the only reality show I can stomach really. This show doesn't insult the intelligence, and shows how to be a ugly American, or how to avoid it. Every week the past few months I've been able to travel the world with this bunch, living their adventures while trying to find mine closer to home. The real winners are the viewer, since I don't see this university employee hopping on a flight to Ethiopia, Sri Lanka, or China any time soon, as much as I'd be willing to sell my soul to do it. This show satisfies the gypsy in me and I'm non apologetic....

LYRICS ALERT>>>

Beck (Hanson) has been probably the most lyrically diverse and creative musicians on the scene for over 10 years now. To me, it all goes back to 1995 to the first song I heard from him, probably the coolest turns of phrase in lyrics...
-Loser-

In the time of chimpanzees I was a monkey
butane in my veins so i'm out to cut the junkie
with the plastic eyeballs
spray paint the vegetables
dog food stalls with the beefcake pantyhose
kill the headlights and put it in neutral
stock car flamin' with a loser and the cruise control
baby's in Reno with the vitamin D
got a couple of couches sleep on the love seat
someone keeps sayin' I'm insane to complain about
a shotgun wedding and a stain on my shirt
don't believe everything that you breathe
you get a parking violation and a maggot on your sleeve
so shave your face with some mace in the dark
savin' all your food stamps and burnin' down the trailer park
(yo cut it)

Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
(double-barrel buckshot)
Soy un perdedor i'm a loser baby,so why don't you kill me?

Forces of evil in a bozo nightmare
banned all the music with a phony gas chamber
'cuz one's got a weasel and the other's got a flag
one's got on the pole shove the other in a bag
with the rerun shows and the cocaine nose job
the daytime crap with the folksinger slop
he hung himself with a guitar string
slap the turkey neck and it's hangin' on a pigeon wing
you can't write if you can't relate
trade the cash for the beef for the body for the hate
and my time is a piece of wax
fallin' on a termite who's chokin' on the splinters

Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
(get crazy with the cheeze whiz)
Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
(drive-by body pierce)
(yo bring it on down)
soooooooyy....
(I'm a driver I'm a winner things are gonna change I can feel it)

Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
(I can't believe you)
Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
[repeat]
(Sprechen sie Deutches, baby)
Soy un perdedor I'm a loser baby so why don't you kill me?
(Know what I'm sayin'?)

Valentine's Day Massacre: sexual secret 1

For those who read this regularly, this will not come as a surprise: I am a highly sexual person. And I have reached that certain age where I have figured out a few things sexually. So as a public service for all the little girls under 25 who haven't quite figured men out yet, here is a bit of advice. Men have an inherent weakness: blowjobs. Now anyone with the sense not to scrape teeth can give a moderately decent blowjob. Wanna know the simple key to knock up the skill level a bit? SWALLOW.
Seemingly a simple concept, but you would be amazed at the amount of women who are squeamish about this. WHY? If you can French kiss, you can swallow. Its all body fluids. According to a medical professional I know, as long as there are no open sores in the mouth, stomach acid kills anything swallowed. If women are afraid to swallow, don't be sucking cock in the first place. That being said, there is a way to do it where you taste nothing: just make sure you deep throat at the second of orgasm. The cum goes down the throat, and no taste. I don't need to do this anymore, but it is helpful to beginners.

Ok that's the biology behind it. The benefits? LOL ask a man. So few women even like to give blowjobs that the ones that do stand out. And if you swallow, there are so few women that do that you will never leave a guys subconscious. I did an admittedly informal poll of my guy friends, both intimate and non, about swallowing. At first their answers were that it didn't matter if a woman swallowed. Then I listened further and kept hearing an interesting comment. Most of the men kept saying it didn't matter if the woman "rejected" their cum. Rejected? I pursued this further and found an interesting train of thought. Men tend to take the whole swallowing thing, as they do most things, straight to the ego. Think about it from their point of view. The are looking down watching a woman suck their dick(they ALL watch), they cum, and the chica performing starts spitting semen like its battery acid. I would think this would be a bit disconcerting,if not downright insulting. Definitely a mood breaker. And sadly enough, most men tend to get used to this and not even bother to expect anything else. But if you swallow, it makes the man feel appreciated, cause if we swallow obviously we don't find them, ahem, distasteful. It shows that the woman likes them enough to make the effort. And the actual swallowing mechanism feels damn good so I'm told. Trust me ladies, if you want to make sure you get a second phone call, just swallow. Act like its the most natural thing in the world. This technique pays dividends. It will make you stand out from the crowd and thats the point.

The Superbowl rehash..

There is very little I can say, except the football was great (even if my team lost)and the half time show was sad and pathetic. NFL, this is the 21st. century. I'm not saying that Sir Paul McCartney sucks, but for a halftime show it was just boring as hell. Even though Janet showed us her unnaturally white tit, last years show still is superior to any the last 10 years. Michael Powell is gone from the FCC, maybe we can all grow up and be able to watch a good half time show next year?

Valentine's Day Massacre: Ex's

Would someone please explain the reason that some ex's just cant be gotten rid of? I have one who I have dated off and on for 2 years now. He's dumped me, I've dumped him, and once again he's coming back for more and I'm once again listening to him. I know good and well this relationship is going nowhere. We will never be together in a stable relationship. He is pathologically incapable of fidelity. I would trust him as far as I could throw him. And yet, he's calling again, wanting to see me again even though he wants to get back together with his ex wife. This is entirely sexual, I got over the love part months ago. I'm not the first person to notice the sort of behavior in humans. I've seen plenty of friends, some from different cultures, be off again on again with the same person for YEARS with no good results. One pair of friends actually married, divorced, remarried, then divorced again and just live together now. With their kids. Are we as humans so damn afraid of change that we put up with the same crap for the sake of safety? The multi-married couple say, "Well this person is a nightmare, but they are my nightmare." Huh?
This ex of mine is up for a dire surprise. I have other interests now, new friends and lovers. He's not getting the amount of attention he once got from me, and it is why he's pushing so hard. Sorry Cochise, not this time....

Hmmm you can't say you don't like art history with pics like this....This is a recently restored fresco from Pompeii http://www.spiegel.de/img/0,1020,145783,00.jpg  

Back in the Saddle

LOl Well well well, it seems that ghost hunting pays off I'm other more fruitful ways than pics with orbs. Got a call from my friend Mighty Ghost Hunter..He couldn't sleep; I couldn't sleep. Two non-sleeping people can come up with a plan of action better in the same bed. So, the three week self imposed exile from sex has ended. It helped that MGH has been a loyal friend and bedbuddy for 2 years now. He has talked me through the past three weeks after the attack (see earlier post: Definitions). He's been patient and steady. He's also really hot in bed. Does this mean me and MGH are in love and will play house? Please. We are both happily single and aren't "in love". So my worst fear about this whole thing was unfounded: that Id be too scared to have sex. Back to myself hopefully soon.

Ghosts are afraid of witches

Went ghost hunting with a guy friend tonight as various haunted areas of Lexington, and I came to a conclusion: ghost don't seem to like me. I know that some witches do ghost hunt, my friend in CT is especially gifted. They just are afraid of me. I've done a lot of work with getting rid of ghosts, so they saw me coming and ran like hell. For some of you who aren't familiar with ghost hunting, it goes like this: You go to a haunted site, then take pictures while you talk to them either with a cam carder or digital camera. Then when you replay them you look for orbs, ectoplasm, etc. Basically stuff that shouldn't be there. I've seen some of my friends pics and he gets all sorts of stuff. He's also a born again Christian. We went first to Ashland, Henry Clay's house (www.henryclay.org/) and took pics. Not as many orbs there as when he was alone. Then we got ambitious and climbed the fence into Lexington Cemetery
(http://www.lexcem.org/). All we got were red streaks from the orbs hauling ass in the other direction away from me. They can sense in me the training I have in helping (or making )them cross over. So I will probably be left home next time. It was cool walking in the cemetery though, very Goth...

Valentine's Massacre: Perfect Love Part 1

During my month long rant about love and sex and male/female interaction, I would like to stop and give credit where credit is due. This part is saved for the couples who actually made love look effortless, graceful, and sublime. Some are/were married, some aren't. The only criteria I'm using is quality of the love, not the length of marriage ( my grandparents have been married for almost 58 years with 11 children. They did their best to kill each other the first 45 of those years.). The first in this hall of fame of sorts: Johnny and June Carter Cash.
The Facts:They fell in love on tour in the early 60's. At one point June was the more famous of the two, from her days with the seminal country act The Carter Family. He proposed and the married in 1968. Their only child John Carter was born in 1970. They won Grammys together and apart. Their love was the inspiration for such classics as "Ring of Fire" and "If I were a Carpenter".
Why they are in this hall of fame? These two came together as two forces of nature and combined to form an equally hellacious partnership. They had their own careers, but it never seemed to interfere with the nucleus of who they were. June helped Johnny kick his addictions that plagued him for years. It breaks down to this: The met and married in a whirlwind. The had a rock solid, intense, passionate relationship of 35 years plus. The most important, tragic as well as romantic point: they died within 4 months of each other. They completed each other, and death was not an long obstacle to that fact. Thank you both for your inspiration.

Why record companies are morons...

This just popped up on my MyYahoo page from Weird News from the AP:

" CHARLESTON, W.Va. - Gertrude Walton was recently targeted by the recording industry in a lawsuit that accused her of illegally trading music over the Internet. But Walton died in December after a long illness, and according to her daughter, the 83-year-old hated computers.

More than a month after Walton was buried in Beckley, a group of record companies named her as the sole defendant in a federal lawsuit, claiming she made more than 700 pop, rock and rap songs available for free on the Internet under the screen name "smittenedkitten."

Of course, the poor freaked out daughter of the deceased apparently sent these assholes a death certificate, and they have since dropped the case. I have absolutely no respect for the Big Record Companies. The rip the consumers off by overcharging us for content and not signing less mainstream artists. The rip the artists off by not giving them nearly the profit and artistic integrity they deserve. The big labels are sucking the music industry dry, and then they wonder why we decide to go alternative routes for out tunes. Fuck them. I will stick to my tried and true method for music purchase. First, hear the new bands at The Dame, or on my personal radio station on Launch Cast (Yahoo). If I hear more than three songs from one band from one album I like, I go to Kaaza lite and download songs from the entire album to see if I like it. If the album passes my test ( no more than three songs that I have to FF through)I will go and buy the CD. Then I will erase the songs I took and replace it with songs from the purchased CD. I consider this fair. If there is only one or two songs I like , or the album is particularly rare and hard to find, I keep the downloaded songs till I find the CD. This way I am satisfied, the small record store I buy from stays healthy, and the artists get the money they have earned by me. Until the Big Labels get their heads out of their asses and wise up, I will continue to do this with no shame.

Valentine's Day Massacre: Pondering timing

The earlier strip about men v/s women's approach to sex had to be explored further. Why are men and women so out of synch sexually? Is there some sort of energy transference, and if there is why haven't women turned men into a slave race (some could argue we have)by now? LOL this is my slave race theory: women fuck men's brains out, then as they are recovering we use all that energy for taking over the world.
The missed wavelength during sex is the first problem. I am souped up by sex. I could run a 5k (and have) after a hot night under a guy. My partner didn't wake up till I got back from the race, showered and climbed back into bed. However, I had one lover that would jump up from bed RIGHT AFTER orgasm and run for the shower. This would then have him all energized and talking until I was the one that turned over and slept. So I don't think we are going to link our energy output anytime soon. Some of my thirtysomthing buddies have cured this problem by screwing much younger guys. This has its own host of problems so I haven't gone that rout yet. Thus we just keep having sex and figure it out as we go.

The trouble between the sexes.. 

A scary St. Valentine's threat... 

Want to play post card tag with a really cool guy?

Ben Blackwell is the owner of Cass Records in Detroit (www.cassrecords.com). He's all of about 22-23 years old and probably has seen more in the music industry in 5 years than any of us will in a lifetime. He just started this really cool postcard trade, and wants participants. Besides me, I thought I'd plug it to stir up some more players:

"Trade Postcards:
Ben at Cass Records truly believes in the beauty of the American Postal System. Having used the system his entire life, his main focus at the time is the classic post card. So here's the fun part: write Ben a message/ransom note/marriage proposal on a post card and send it to Cass Records HQ (3424 Bishop, Detroit, MI 48224) and Ben will send you a post card back. It's like a really confusing game of tag! Remember, the cooler, older and weirder the post card, the better. And Ben will most likely reward awesome post cards with even awesomer ones. He even made up special Cass Records stamps for the occasion. And don't be afraid to alter or goof with the images on your post card...in fact, we encourage it. Long live mail art!"

Skewered love quotes

"As she lay there dozing next to me, one voice inside my head kept saying, "Relax... you are not the first doctor to sleep with one of his patients, " but another kept reminding me, "Howard, you are a veterinarian. "

Roger Matthews


"The big difference between sex for money and sex for free Is that sex for money usually costs a lot less!"

Brendan Francis


And here's a fave of mine:


"When love beckons to you follow him,
Though his ways are hard and steep.
And when his wings enfold you yield to him,
Though the sword hidden among his pinions
May wound you.
And when he speaks to you believe in him,
Though his voice may shatter your dreams
As the north wind lays waste the garden.
For even as love crowns you
so shall he crucify you.
Even as he is for your growth
So is he for your pruning."


The Prophet by Gibran Khalil Gibran

All courtesy of http://www.lovequote.com/

THE ST. VALENTINE'S MASSACRE AND MAMMOTH MONTH LONG RANT!!!!

This is a warning to all of you who think Valentines Day is this sweet, warm and fuzzy holiday that you an your honey-bunny can snuggle to and be smoochy-woochy. AAAARRRGGGGHHHHHH!!!! Valentines Day has always been the most hated of the holidays for me, with Xmas and New Years scoring a close second and third. There is no other holiday that can make a normal person feel humiliated, small and worthless. Even when I was married, Valentines Day would suck: one of us had to work, we were fighting or traveling or he was sick. Thus, I have taken a sacred oath to use this month in my blog to dissect why we as a human race have to humiliate ourselves with this day, with love in general, and why love is even pertinent in today's world. I also will address different kinds of love: gay, straight, bi, animal, vegetable, and mineral. Sex, which is also so intertwined with love, will also be explored in great length. Basically, this will be my opportunity to bitch to high heaven about shit that stems to not getting any valentines in kindergarten. My first bitch: Social Pressure.
Why the hell is it that single people are treated like shit on Valentines Day? One would think logically this would be the time to help singles out by helping to pair them up. NOOOO, this is a time where subtle humiliation us heaped upon those with no dates or relationships this time of year. How does one feel like when they get no offers for dates, flowers, candy, gifts? Like a worthless subhuman that's ugly, socially inferior, and humiliated. The media and Madison Ave. Advertising are all in on it. The commercials, the shows, all meant to render the single person to dorkdom. Right now, because of fate, circumstance, or happenstance. I am single. Happily. But to this very day when I see the Valentines stuff I feel like crap because I buy into the " Nobody finds me lovable enough to buy me crap, thus I'm not worthy of love". Yes, even though I consider myself fairly savvy, the programming is buried deep. To combat this, I'm including all valentines-related paraphenalia in to the category of our President: I will just start swearing and throwing things at the very sight of such disgust.

I need therapy..

I think since the attack, I have never been offered so much sex. And I'm creeping myself out about what I should do. I have no urge to let anyone into my apartment unless they are the most trusted. The problem was that I was attacked by a trusted (I thought) person. However I still have the same urges, and I cant afford the batteries I'm going though with my rabbit. Will it take one huge leap to get me back into the saddle? Do I want to? Will I freak when the time comes? Hell, will I turn into a bigger nypho (sans anal) than I am? All I know is that I feel ugly, when logically I know I'm not. That might be my period talking more than psyche. I haven't found the cure for the bloodless feeling yet, hopefully that will be next. Tomorrow is Imbolc, so maybe the Goddess will have some answers, or at least hints.

Painting step 2....Stomach Cramps

After I finished the sketching, I began to get the paint and implements of the job out. Had three different shades of red to choose. and I chose Napthol Red Medium acrylic, along with titanium white and black. The red and black I mixed to get a really cool black/purple color for the shading. Normally I paint the dark sections first, then go lighter. The good thing about Oils v/s Acrylics is that acrylics dry faster. The bad thing: lol the acrylics dry faster. I had to be very careful doing the shading not to over shade..If I screwed up I cant just scrape it off like oils. But acrylics are really opaque, so I can cover one color with another with no bleed through. As I was doing this I was assaulted with all of these thoughts of "This sucks". Thus the cramps. Now the bigger decisions occur: how much redder do I want this to be. Do I just take the mixed dark I have and ad white and make the lighter sections purplish, or, do I take a base red and make them redder?..