Comments about Burma..I mean Myanmar

I was watching the news about the protests in Myanmar with a sinking feeling. Its not that I'm not thrilled that an oppressed people, lead by the otherwise peaceful Buddhist monks of their country, are trying to remove the military boot on their necks that holds them down. Quite the contrary. My concern is a memory I have of a weekend in June of 1989.

I had been following the developments in China the whole last 6 weeks of my high school career. The Sunday of the crackdown, my family and I were driving back from Virginia where we had attended my cousin's high school graduation, in preparation for my own graduation that Monday. They interrupted radio service to announce it. I will never forget the feeling of disgust, fear, and youthful shock when I finally got to a TV and saw one lone student, probably not much older than myself, taking on a tank. That memory will be burned in my brain forever.

So, 18 years later, I watch the news reports with baited breath and hope the people of Burma can pull off a revolution, without taking on tanks.

self editing for protection

After talking with Daniel, we have decided to take down the entry "read your medicine box insert". We found that a ambulance chasing lawyer in Texas had used an excerpt, almost word per word, from the blog on their site, including Ned's name. We can't do anything since I didn't have a copyright on my blog...that will change as of today.

The truth is that the truth is never black and white. We will never know what truly made Ned pull that trigger. The medicine could have had something to do with it, but we will never know for certain. All I wanted to do is make people aware that the drug you might be taking might have a dangerous side effect, and that one should ALWAYS be very careful and be a good medical consumer and know as much about your meds as possible. And from here on out....ANYONE WHO DOES AN EXCERPT FROM MY BLOG WITHOUT MY EXPRESS PERMISSION WILL BE UP SHITCREEK....UNDERSTAND!!!!!

Self imposed writing cocoon

I have to admit, I have been in a self -imposed writing cocoon for the past few months. What started as a slow, boring, blissfully average summer turned dramatic and stressful in a blink of an eye. I'm sitting in our new house that we didn't even have a dream about having in June. Daniel and his family continue to reel from the suicide of his brother. My nursing plans were derailed after having to drop my Anatomy class because I got behind after Ned's death.

But... the garden is still blooming. The sun is still rising. The weather is still on the hot side of comfortable. Sometimes, a holding pattern is necessary. Tomorrow is the the Fall Equinox, and winter will soon be here..and normalcy will return.

How did they make it this long?!?

My grandparents will have their 60th wedding anniversary tomorrow!!!!!! Along the way, they had 11 kids, and have buried 2 already. The first 30 years he tried to beat her to death. Now she willingly takes care of him. They are having a party, so it will be interesting to see everyone.

reactions to previous entry

Well well it seems this blog gets read after all. A few days ago I got two emails, one from CBS 11 Dallas-Ft. Worth, and People magazine about using Ned's story for a news investigation and an article about Chantix and it's adverse reactions. I sent them to Daniel, and he has been talking to the Ft. Worth people. We don't want to sue Pfizer, we just want Ned's story to hopefully save someone else's life. Nothing will bring him back, we just don't want his senseless death to be in vain.

Our new house!!!!

Isn't it pretty? Our own little love shack on the hill. We came a cats ass of not getting it, but we worked it out in the end. We close tomorrow, then get ready to do the whole packing/moving thing (ick). It will be a long holiday weekend, but so worth it. At least one good thing happened this month.

sadness and anger are good bedfellows

HAZARD KY- Ned Napier, 28, died Aug 19, 2007. Visit 6-9pm Wed. Funeral 11am Thu at Maggard's Mt View Chapel

Ned Napier is my husband Daniel's little brother. Ned put a .45 magnum pistol in his mouth Sunday morning and pulled the trigger. We will bury him tomorrow. The family is devastated, and I am furious, at him and myself. To think I almost did this to my own family. I will talk more tomorrow.

BIGDEAL first of many first...

Daniel and I have been wanting a house for a long time. For the past several months, we have been fighting to get his VA loan, to no avail. So Monday morning, after I sent him off to work, I decided to do some investigating. We had been talking about looking into an online loan, and Quicken had a good reputation, so I went online and started an online chat with a mortgage officer. 4 hours later, I got us approved for a $100,000 mortgage!!!!! I called Daniel, and he was stunned. He made me check to make sure it wasn't a scam...it wasn't. We got the approval letter today, and the letter for the real estate agent. We can start looking this weekend. This a wonderful surprise for both of us, so the carnival ride of real estate shopping begins....

Second of many firsts..

The reason for the difficulty in ready my final is that I just got contacts for the first time in my life. I have been wearing glasses for 20 years, and was always scared to try contacts, fearing I;d poke my damn eye out or something. But lately, my vision has changed to the point where I thought I needed bifocals, so I went to the optometrist to get checked. Well, guess what...I need bifocals (a genetic thing for women in my family at this age, gee thanks mom). However for shits and giggles, I asked about contacts. I found out that I would need a regular one in my right eye, and one made for astigmatism in my left, both for long range vision. For close up, I could go to Wal-Mart and get a cheap pair of reading glasses. So I paid the 30$ extra dollars to be taught how to wear the damn things, and the adventure began.
For the past week, putting in the contacts have been an ordeal in of itself. The right one, no problem. The left I have lost up in my eyeball, dropped in the sink, and it usually takes 30 minutes to put the friggin thing in when I do get it aligned right. Why, because it is misshapen for the astigmatism so it doesn't cup like a regular contact. It has given me nothing but a pain in the eye for a week. If the doctor can't give me another shape tomorrow at the appointment to try again, I might be forced to go back to glasses.
The humor in all of this is the unknown habits one picks up after wearing glasses for so long. In the past, every time my eyes got blurry, it meant I needed to push my glasses up on my face. Do you know how silly a woman looks pushing at an imaginary pair of glasses 20 or so times a day? Yeah, Daniel has had no end of fun out of it.

First of many firsts...

It has been a productive few weeks. First off, I got an official A in my class. The final was a bit more difficult, but in all I loved the online system and would take another online class in a heartbeat. Plus, my father in law now owes me dinner! The new semester starts Aug. 13, and I'm looking forward to it.

The end of my affair with Harry

Tonight at 12:01 AM, Daniel and I will be at Wal-Mart waiting to get 2 copies of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. However, I don't want to read mine right away. I don't want the love affair to end. I have been crazy about Harry since it came out in 1997. Each book marks a period of my own life as well. For example, the first birthday present Daniel ever got me was a copy of Half Blood Prince. I feel butterflies in my stomach, hoping that by reading the last book wont leave a feeling of disgust like watching the last Pirates of the Caribbean movie. I realize that this book wont please every fan, and has a big chance of breaking my heart. So, I'm letting Daniel read it first. It will cushion the blow.

Ehk...and some disconnected ramblings before bed

Ehk....that's the way I feel. I have no better word for it. Summer is half gone, and the next semester starts Aug. 13. I'm getting an A in my Psych class. I have been basically just lonely/bored/unfulfilled lately. Its no ones fault, just the way it is right now. Took a fertility test to determine if my ovary follicles were working, whatever the hell that means. To my utter shock...I'm fertile, at least in that one way. Daniel is doing much better, and is almost back to his old mischievous self. I haven't painted in awhile, I believe I'm stuck again. Shit.

Happy Birthday to me....late

So what, I'm 36. Ive not really accomplished much in the way of vocation, but I do have a sexy husband, loving family, and fun friends. Who could ask for more.
I have decided to get a tattoo to honor the next big section of my life, and Ill keep you posted on its status.

My current obsessions

Since it has been awhile since I have talked with you, there have been some new things come into my life that entertain me enormously.

• The Elder Scrolls: Oblivion-
  Daniel bought me my own xbox 360 so we could talk and play Burnout Revenge online and talk in the evenings. However, he made the mistake of introducing me to this game. Oblivion is the kind of RPG that you can play for months without even getting to the main quest, and is the most insidious waste of my time going right now.
• Marvel's Civil War Series- Marvel Comics decided to make all their superheros fight each other in a huge, multi comic series that is now out in graphic novel format. Yes I will have all 13 graphic novels by the end of this summer, just to see Tony Stark-Iron Man get his.
• Xbox 360 Uno Online- I actually have an Uno posse that I play with every day. Isn't that sad? This is the 2nd most insidious waste of my time.
• Movies: So far, Fantastic 4 Rise of the Silver Surfer has been the best. The latest Pirates of the Caribbean SUCKED...THE ENDING WAS THE FOULEST THING TO DO TO THE AUDIESNCE SINCE GHOST!!!!!!!!! However, I am holding hope out for Harry Potter and Transformers.
• Icky Thump-The White Stripes-Long suffering readers know my mythic obsession with Jack White and his music, and with this album he redeems himself in my eyes. This album is the most kick ass since De Stijl.

Future obsession: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows..This will be the total ruin of my summer.

Blog anniversary

Wow, this blog is 3 years old. I've never kept up a journal writing project this long! My live isn't that interesting anymore, but in many ways I'm grateful. I will keep this up as long as I'm allowed, so here's to another year-Cheers!

Fog and School

This summer looks like I'm going to be a crappy blogger. The whole theme of this month has been school and sleep-basically doing enough for both. We had a party this weekend that turned out spectacularly well, and our reps as having good parties is growing. I have an A in my psych class, but the fibrofog keeps me from remembering things a read an hour before. So, it looks like I'm going to try new meds, woohoo!!!!

Yes I'm here again

I apologize for the vacation from blogging. It just seemed that what I had to say I didn't want to share. Daniel is doing much better, almost his normal self. My first class down the nursing path is psychology, and it begins June 11.

I'm here.

I know I have been absent for awhile, and the blog seems to be perpetually changing lately. I guess I'm just trying to figure out the direction the blog, and maybe, my life is going. I have made the decision to try to become a nurse, something I have sworn for years I wouldn't do. I have finished the painting of Daniel, and and am drifting, trying to figure out what the next project will be. The fibro, as always, is kicking my but, and the lethargy has been particularly bad this week (especially after a bee sting on Monday, and the related epipen adventure that goes with it.) I was playing Elderscrolls Oblivion, until I realized that it was, and could in the future, take up too much of my time. Oh, did I mention the puter was out for a couple of days....

Daniel is worrying me to death. It seems that he has lost all interest in swinging, to the extent he is totally ambivalent about going to the parties this weekend. Work is wearing him down, and tonight he lashed out at me from nowhere. I cannot stay mad, because I wasn't behaving my best this weekend ( I cried almost all day Sunday). He ASKED me to make a doctor's appointment for him on Friday, when normally he has to be dragged to the doctor. He won't confide in me. I don't know whether or not to stay home this weekend and relax, or to go to the party. I admit I haven't been holding up my end in arranging play dates. I just hate to do it that way. I'd rather go to the party, have fun, and see what happens. He categorically said that if I was the only one he was going to end up playing with this weekend, he'd rather not go. I don't know what to do. Do I make him go, and have him resent it, or do I cancel the whole thing, and have him resent it.....

Back in the School Saddle

Well, I took a wild hair and decided to take some community college classes this fall for shits and giggles. I was accepted. LOL Daniel doesn't even know yet. The local CC is reasonably inexpensive, so I wanted to see if I could actually be a student again. If I do well, I might consider trying to get my AAS in nursing. I was a nurse to John for two years, so I have the care giving down pat. I know I swore I wouldn't care give again for love or money. I just feel I need the challenge, to see if my brain isn't completely dead. And, I would be able to support us if anything happened to Daniel (John is still in my brain as an example). I figured I might take as many as 10 credit hours, I'm not sure yet. I need a math class (after all these years!), a psych class, and an anatomy class to fill out the prereqs for their nursing program. We shall see.

My Sweetie's Funk

I have the good fortune to be with Daniel this week in WV. It's probably a good thing, since he's been really down lately. I don't know if its just a bored phase, depression, dissatisfaction, or a major existential funk.
There is no question he has been under some pressure lately. He's bored at work, it doesn't challenge him. He's also under the constant strain of a possible layoff. Daniel always seems to be under the impression that he doesn't make enough money, and that there never is enough money, but the fact is that he is a wonderful provider. He makes a good living, and we have a decent rainy day fund.
Daniel has also seemed to get this blase attitude about swinging as well. He hasn't been chatting with our friends at all, and he really doesn't care if he plays with anyone. He's just indifferent to a lot of things. There was a time I was indifferent to playing myself, but I have since recovered. Maybe Daniel just needs a break. I am really worried about him.