Last Post...here anyway

For all you long time readers (if any are left)....I have decided no longer to update this blog. This blog represents an old life that no longer inspires me. But fear not, I have a new blog if anyone is interested:
http://syncopatingme.blogspot.com/
There you can find pregnancy updates and other things. I will not delete this blog, but leave it up for reference.
Cheerio
Zezrie

The big news

It has taken me 2 weeks since the last post to get the courage to post the news.....

I am Pregnant!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

It is about damn time, lol. I was scared to post before today, and Im actually reluctant to do so now. It is only the first month of the first trimester. I have been cramping, which I have been told is no big deal unless there's blood. Luckily for me, Daniel was in OB in the Navy as a corpsman, Bethesda Naval no less. He's delivered over 500, so he will keep it together pretty well.
I am afraid , I wont lie. I am becoming a super exhausted hag, poor Daniel.

erghhghghghg

Well I have been feeling strange lately, like I felt when I was on birth control pills. I am irritable, and on the verge of tears all the time , despite the fact Im on 2 different antidepressants. Ill keep everyone posted.

Boy this blog is boring !!!!!!

I just realized that this friggin blog has become maudlin and depressing. Plenty of "boo hoo poor me wahhhh!!". No Longer!!! I will now only write upbeat, funny things here.

Brainhell at rest

I was just sitting here with my arm in a sling (sprained shoulder and bicep, long story), grumping to myself about the aching when I went to Brainhell's site to check on his progress. He died last night, in the evening, with his family and friends by his side. The past year's posts had shown a slow descent towards this day. I cried when I read about his caregiver problems, his pain, and his love for his family. His whole blog should be made into a book so all people can see the degradation, the pain, and the sadness he and his family had to endure; but also the intelligence, patience, and the nobility of spirit this man shared with us on a day to day basis. I am glad the ALS has finally let go, and he is no longer in pain. Yet, I will still miss him.

Ruminations of things to come-faith

Well after a year of very unsatisfying and frustrating Wicca, I came to the conclusion that instead of the usual existential fugue I normally get this time of year I am having a spiritual crisis. I no longer feel as attached to witchcraft as I used to be. Some would use the analogy that its like being in a long marriage , then waking up gradually to the fact that the person you sleep beside and count on for comfort and strength is a stranger. So what do I believe in now? I believe there is a supreme power, but that it is not necessarily male. I still believe that nature is sacred, and we have a moral and spiritual responsibility to take care of it. The biggest part is that I absolutely do not believe that Jesus of Nazareth is divine in any way. He is a spiritual leader like Mohammad and Buddha, no more no less. That part of my belief system hasn't changed.
However what has changed is a new found need for community. Daniel told me when we first met this is why he left witchcraft and became a christian. I didn't understand then. I was fine in my intellectual/spiritual isolation. It has been almost 3 years since that conversation, and I now realize how lonely this faith can be. I need interaction now, the warmth of a community of people who believe the same things. So, what core things do I need ? Ritual that is old and deep of meaning. Intellectual stimulation for the brain , and with the freedom to question without persecution. So the past few weeks I have admitted my crisis of faith to Daniel, and he has supported my search for a new path. I began the research a few weeks ago.
At first, Catholicism and Buddhism came out first. Catholicism has the fellowship I need, plus the ages old ritual. The minuses are that Catholicism, even though it takes a good brain to study it, isn't keen on people who ask questions and wont toe the doctrinal line. Oh, and that whole Jesus-is-Lord-and-savior thing. That sort of thing could have got you killed about 100 years ago, and could still get you killed in some places. As for Buddhism, at first I liked it. There is a growing population in the area so the fellowship might be there. The study of the faith takes my fancy intellectually, but...the doctrine leaves me cold. There is nothing in life but suffering? Giving up all worldly things leads to nirvana? Whatever, it just makes me cold.
So now I'm looking into Judaism. Ill keep all posted on how that goes.

Brother Bart

He died the way John would have wished it. He called the ambulance at 1am, and was dead at 1:30am. The coroner said he died of a massive Pulmonary Embolism, where blood clots form in you body, usually in your legs, then break loose and migrate to the lungs to cut off oxygen to the brain and heart. He most likely lost consciousness a few minutes after the phone call. No life support, no suffering.

My late husband's brother was a simple, sweet natured man. He never married, and lived independently the last few years despite his touch of Cerebral Palsy. He was a devoted christian and loved gospel music. He died at the age of 60, and I really shall miss him.